Who is the biggest loser you have flown with?

[traffic pilot]

I am the biggest loser I've ever flown with. I'm ready to stop sweating the small stuff as soon as I get another Xanex.

 

[Flashbang]

Strange, I want to work for UPS so I don't have to walk through the terminal in uniform.

How you gonna handle not being in ALPO anymore?

 

[DrProc]

I just flew a trip with a captain that didn't know how to use the radar, and asked for deviations around both ATL and JAX because of the ground clutter. Every time atc would say "Say Groundspeed", he would reply "Groundspeed". Every time, not only when the call was for us, but for any other aircraft. He thought he was original and no one had ever heard that before. And he told BNA tower he didn't want to take off on the noise abatement runway, which was across the field, because he flew "a quiet jet".

 

[say again]

Anybody who tries to quiz me on systems of the A/C while I'm tring to read, sleep, etc while in cruise. Get a life and bring your training manuals with you next time!!!! I'm probably upset because I never the the dam answers!!! HAHA.

 

[Hogan]

It's a tie between the 30 year old timebuilder who made a big deal out of getting called up to a regional and telling off his students on 9-8-2001 (see where this is going?) when 9-11 happened and the airline cut back and his class was dropped he had to grovel to get his job back or the 30+ timebuilder living with mommy, who got in trouble for hitting on his female students. Quit suddenly, around the time the students compared notes and the owner of the business suggested the students kick him in the balls...

 

[jwes]

Just wanted this to get kicked to the front again, Its a good thread/

 

[Ifly727s]

It has to be the Captain we have who flys with the toy dog up on the glare shield. He makes the dog call us "kitty kats" if we dare to turn on the flight director when flying with him. If we call him Captain he makes us correct ourselves and refer to him as the SOB. I'm not sure if he qualifies as a loser or a freak. Sadly he is a check airman.

 

[PulluP]

Biggest Loser:

Flew the Frankenbeech at the time BE1900D for a midwest commuter. This was back in the late 90's...

Captain was on "forced reserve" by management because if he had a line every single copilor would call in sick on his line. I was on reserve so was forced to fly with him.

Wore his hat AND headset in the car, was seen at a gas station this way, too.

Made up HIS OWN checklist responses to the "before start" checklist.
FO: Battery
Captain: XX Volts
This guy... "Ship's Battery XX volts and ready for turning
and showing a good charge"

Unpinned his wings off of his uniform blazer and wore them on his leather pilot jacket to bars. WITH flight bag. I think he even pulled his epaulets off and stuck those on, too.

Carried this little duffle bag o' goods under his feet with binoculars, an A.M. radio station guide for the ADF, and a camera. He would suddenly swing the camera your way and snap a shot of you without even asking.

He sweated profusely and would use sani-coms to swab his bald head and fatty neck. He smelled, too.

Had to fly a few charters with him and he said, after he did the takeoff "you can have the rest of this leg". Like it was a gift. Told me, "The charter passengers will want to see the Captain fly" on the way home, to placate me, said "Hey, if you want to get in a couple of steep turns, go ahead!" What?? You're kidding, right?

Claimed United Airlines would hire him as soon as he got an interview because when he was 5 years old, he had written them a letter saying he wanted more than anything to work for UAL. They had written him back saying he was welcome to have a job when he had the qualifications. As far as he was concerned, that letter was his "guarantee" of a job. No kidding... he planned on going to the interview and handing them that letter and saying,
"I'd like my job now"

I actually jumped for joy when I heard he had been hired at a small jet airline in the midwest! Woo-Hoo!

Lo-hooo-hoooo-ser!

Sounds like "T.Z." I flew with in the mid nineties...as I understand, he went to Spirit. He has this slow, throaty voice everyone would recognize on the radio...same guy?

 

[jafo20]

I know that guy. Sometimes he's a jerk to talk to, but he's sharp in the cockpit. Someone that throws a fit about saying "Ship's battery XXvolts" instead of "XX Volts" might be a little stressful to fly with.

 

[jafo20]

Actually, I talked to him not too long ago. He has a six figure income, happily flying around in jets, with no blemishes on his record, no failed checkrides or broken airplanes that I know about.

My point is this: So the guy watches a little too much History Channel and is a little wierd. He's safe, and he's "made it". He actually taught me a bunch of tricks that saved my neck on some icy nights hauling checks.

That AM radio guide, for example, comes in handy when you're trying to stay awake in the middle of the night. Plus, you can watch St. Louis or whatever city pass by as you plug along the airways.

 

[jafo20]

The biggest loser I've ever flown with is myself. I remember pissing into a sandwich bag, and setting it onto the seat next to me. I went to a dark little airport, where I met a van to offload my freight. I left the pee-bag in the plane, as I hopped out to unload. When I went back to get the sack, so I could throw it out, I slipped on the wing and fell chest-first onto the pee-bag. Piss was all over my chest, the cockpit, etc. I got to fly home that way, and spent a couple hours Febreezing everything I could touch.

Being 26 years old and covered, chest down, in your own piss is one of those big loser moments.

 

[Snakum]

It has to be the 727 Captain we have who flys with the toy dog up on the glare shield. He makes the dog call us "kitty kats" if we dare to turn on the flight director when flying with him. If we call him Captain he makes us correct ourselves and refer to him as the SOB.

I dunno ... I kinda like this guy.

Minh

 

[jwes]

Lets keep this alive....more stories please they are funny

 

[FastestPA31Ever]

Hey all! I don't know if this qualifies, but where I went to school (a division I state school in OH), there were alot of guys who had personalized aviation themed license plates. I always thought it was semi-toolbaggish to see private students driving around with "PILOTBOY", "AV8OR", and "FLYBOI". Might as well have been a 16 year old girl with "2CUTE4U" on the back of her Cabriolet.


That's all I have.

 

[ERfly]

Hey all! I don't know if this qualifies, but where I went to school (a division I state school in OH), there were alot of guys who had personalized aviation themed license plates. I always thought it was semi-toolbaggish to see private students driving around with "PILOTBOY", "AV8OR", and "FLYBOI". Might as well have been a 16 year old girl with "2CUTE4U" on the back of her Cabriolet.


That's all I have.

Those are nothing. Come down to an avation school in Florida and just sit back and laugh at the personalized plates:

AA 777
DL MD88
172CAPTN
AAFLYR
777AV8R

etc, etc, etc...

 

[AKAAB]

About twelve years ago I was CP/DO for a small air ambulance operation in Upstate NY. Just before I was hired, the owner had hired a guy to fly the MU2.

This guy was a real piece of work! When he'd get in the cockpit he'd pull out a chain with an F-16 pendant and wrap it around one of the knobs on the panel and he always wore a Top Gun hat when he flew. To top it off, he started wearing a full-size, gold Star Fleet insignia/communicator pin on his uniform.

A year after he was let go, the boss insisted on hiring him back because he'd work for half of what he was getting and would even sweep the hangar. I couldn't quit that job fast enough!

 

[WickedPissa]

I had a student in 90 degree Florida weather show up wearing Frank Poncharello's Ray Bans and Maverick's leather jacket.

During a cross country, he asked me..."Don't you just want to reach out and touch those clouds just to see if they really are cotton?"

 

[girlsandbeer]

....and it continues

-the flight school owner that i worked for that wrote a letter of recommendation to NAFI from MY EMAIL and signed MY NAME so he could get his "MASTER CFI". when NAFI wrote me back thanking me for the rec, I told them i didnt write it..... the flight school owner tells NAFI im a liar in his defense

-the "super captain" that does EVERYTHING in the airplane whether he is flying or not flying to prove he's..... SUPER CAPTAIN

-same guy is a throttle tweaker and a gear handle grabber

-flew with this capt to lauderdale for the boat show, guy walks around the show in black jeans, long sleeve button up black shirt, MASSIVE aviators (mirrored lense ofcourse), and a giant all black cowboy hat with braided black leather around it. im in shorts and a t-shirt sweating my arse off and when i asked if he was hot... "oohhh nooo, i dress like this all the time". the girls at the show were smiling at him as they walked by then busting a nut once he passed. he thought he was the hottest thing since sliced bread

-same capt was trying to prove what a fuel concence (SP?) chief pilot he was by SHUTTING DOWN A MOTOR IN THE FLARE on a lear 25 WTF????

-captain that has a serious case of irritable bowel syndrome.. ewwwww and thinks its hilarious everytime he rips one so bad youre cryin under the O2 mask

-the captain that thought it was ok to make an extra stop in the lear to pick his wife up on the way to home base, and he actually thought telling dispatch that he left his wallet there would make it ok

 

[av8orboy]

I fly freight and I have a SIC (one that pays for time) that shows up in a pilot uniform when we can wear shorts and a t-shirt. What a loser. Anyone else have good stories?

I went to flight school with a kid like this. He also brought his headset and books to class/lessons in a piece of rolling luggage. Airline ready.

Those are nothing. Come down to an avation school in Florida and just sit back and laugh at the personalized plates:

172CAPTN

That's great.

 

[AAflyer]

Those are nothing. Come down to an avation school in Florida and just sit back and laugh at the personalized plates:

AA 777
DL MD88
172CAPTN
AAFLYR
777AV8R

etc, etc, etc...

That is not me, I am a real airline pilot, too cheap to pay the extra money for a personalized plate.


AA