What's the dumbest question you've been asked as a pilot?

[viper548]

While deadheading to begin IOE. The FO was in my class, this is his 2nd flight of IOE.

Girl sitting next to me: OMG that was a horrible landing (somewhat firm, not that bad though) everyone around hears
Me: hey, give the guy a break, it's his first day
Girl: How do you know?
Me: He was in my class, tomorrow is my first day
Girl: oh (looks embarassed)

 

[El Bucho]

Standing on the curb in EWR in uniform waiting for the crashpad van is the best place to stand to field stupid questions...

Q. "Excuse me, is my driver picking me up here?"
A. "Yes he is, he just called and said he'll be along shortly."

Q. "What gate is my flight leaving from?"
A. "I dont' even know where you are going much less what airline you are flying on or what time your flight leaves, how should I know what gate you are leaving from to get there?"

 

[jschroed]

"Can you can fly all by your self"?

 

[Fly_Chick]

Not commercial flying, yet as a CFI I am 5' tall, and was in the C152, all the way back at station 41 before I pulled the seat forward. Student asks me "how do you see out the window?". My reply "I don't". Comfortably debating whetherI should move my seat forward or not...

 

[Northern Lights]

Hotel employee: Are you guys bus drivers or something?

While deadheading we got stuck in a hold, and then had to divert for a fuel stop. Some guy on his way to the lav stops to ask if his flight to ONT is on time.

While commuting home once the lady next to me asks "Why don't you just fly for Northwest?"

Oh yeah, almost forgot (see signature line)

 

[DrewBlows]

When can you start?




Oh wait, that wasn't the dumbest question, it was me who replied with the dumbest answer...


...two weeks.:crying:








Sorry, venting.

 

[five-alive]

Do you ever get to land the plane?

When will they let you fly the big planes?

 

[flyguy81]

Q: Aren't you young to be a pilot?
A: Yes, that's why I'm with the make-a-wish foundation. They're letting me fly this leg.

Q: Isn't this plane a little small?
A: Greyhound's smaller.

Had a older guy spend 5 min telling me how he listened on his radio scanner to air traffic control and wanted me to tell him what different words (fixes) were like I knew where every fix was in the country.

 

[jws717]

As a cfi at a college, trying to explain the mixture to a student. I get the FIRE REQUIRES OXEGEN? and then seveal moments of drool out of the student.
The one i hate is are you old enogh to fly?
- Yea they are gona let me land at night next year.
- No but my dad was sick today and i have watched him a few times.
- Yes and in a few months i will be old enough to F**** you daughter.

 

[767200]

My wife actually blasted me one time for being a pilot and not knowing the name of all US airports...:smash:

 

[pilotdiscretion]

I was deadheading in the back of a DC-9 with a woman around the age of twenty sitting in the row behind me. She wouldn't stop talking to her friends very loudly the entire flight. On landing the crew floated the airplane for several seconds during which this young woman announced that this was the smoothest landing she ever felt and asked if I was this good at landing an airplane. After several seconds of floating aerodynamics won out and we dropped the last ten feet with a bin opening thud. The young woman announced that this was the hardest landing she ever felt by screaming. I was trying so hard not to laugh I never responded to her question.

 

[sleddriver77]

One of my personal favorites, not so much a question, but it has happened to me at least four or five times now:
I'm out on the curb in front of the airport smoking a cigarette, in full uniform, including "skycap" hat. Random elderly lady approaches with luggage, drops it at my feet, and pauses, looking at me for about 20 seconds before screaming "So are you gonna get the bags or not?!?!?" "No ma'am," I reply, "I was thinking of maybe flying the airplane today."

Just the other night though, right after a trip and still in full uniform, I stopped at a convenience store located pretty much RIGHT ON the airport for a coke for the ride home. I get to the counter to pay the lady who asks "Are you a pilot? You kinda look like one of them pilots."
"Nope. I'm the doorman at the airport Raddison. Heeeeere's your sign."

 

[CA1900]

While doing a Single engine taxi in BOS (BE1900) a few years back a passenger came up asking if we knew the left engine wasn't running. I was new so I thought it was funny but the Captain wasn't as amused.

HA! Was that the Sherwinator? :uzi: (love the new smileys)

Stupidest question I got was from the clerk at a convenience store in downtown Plattsburgh, NY, in the middle of February:

"So....." He looks up and down at my uniform. "Are you in the Navy?"

It was all I could do to hold back mentioning that the closest body of water that wasn't a solid brick of ice was the Atlantic Ocean, a couple hundred miles away.

"Uhh... no."

 

[JetMonkey]

During the time of the America West pilots sentencing in Miami I had an overnight in FLL. Going through security, TSA screener goes:
"So, you boys didn't stay out too late right?"

I reply:
"Yeah, damn hookers kept me up all night"

Oh yeah, long time ago when I was a fairly new regional FO, we diverted into San Angelo TX because Midland was socked in, and still ended up going down to minimums. One deplaning pax sticks his head in the cockpit and goes "arn't you glad your instrument rated?" me and the Capt. looked at each other.

 

[LarryinTN]

Had a passenger ask how we compensated for Coriolis effect!

 

[viper548]

I heard a pax ask another pax how it's possible that we take off in SLC at 1000 and we arive in SAN at 1030. The other pax said it's because westbound flights go really fast because of the earth's rotation

 

[NuGuy]

One of my personal favorites, not so much a question, but it has happened to me at least four or five times now:
I'm out on the curb in front of the airport smoking a cigarette, in full uniform, including "skycap" hat. Random elderly lady approaches with luggage, drops it at my feet, and pauses, looking at me for about 20 seconds before screaming "So are you gonna get the bags or not?!?!?" "No ma'am," I reply, "I was thinking of maybe flying the airplane today."

I used to work for a regional where the shirts were light blue. VERY Skycap-ish. I'd get hit by this maybe 2-3 times a month. I'd size up the persons potential wealth first, because sometimes the tips were worthwhile, and could be difference between a Big Mac and Ramen Noodles.

Nu

 

[Rook]

Forgot about this one...

Was in DTW waiting for the pax to deplane the jet we were taking out. I was standing next to a smart cart when this lady that deplaned ask me if I was there to take her bags to her next gate. Politely explained that believe it or not I was a pilot and not a skycap, so no I can't take your bags to your next gate.

The 'man' is always trying to keep a brotha down.

Rook

 

[viper548]

What's the inflight movie? (on a CRJ)

 

[RightBettor]

Years ago, while working for SkyWest, I was standing at the "Red Bus" stop in SAN waiting to go back to the commuter terminal. Some guy drives up, parks at the curb, jumps out of his car, approaches me and asks, "If I park my car here are you gonna give me f*cking ticket?!?!" (Typical California--it's all about me-- a$$hole) I replied, "No, I'm not going to give you a ticket." He says, "Good!" and disappears into the terminal. At that point I walk over to a San Diego Airport cop and say, "Officer, some guy just parked his car right over there and ran into the terminal." The cop says, "Okay, thanks." and walks over to the car. A few moments of trying to summon the vehicle's owner and the cop starts writing a parking ticket. Hey, at least I told Mr. California the truth... I didn't write the ticket!

Then after JFK, Jr. took his airplane for a dip, some jackoff sticks his head into the cockpit and asks, "You guys got your instrument ratings?" I responded, "Nope, I do not have an instrument rating. Enjoy the flight!" Seems when I got the ATP certificate the FAA removed those two words, Instrument Airplane.