What's the dumbest question you've been asked as a pilot?

[zugzug]

From the flight attendant

Will you call me later?

 

[dash8driver]

i overheard a converstion at an airshow where someone was explaining stealth aircraft to another person (both adults). the explanation was that the reason they are so quiet is because of their aerodynamic shape.


while standing in the cabin during boarding:

Q: did my bags make it on the flight?
A: yes.

Pax: which way are we taking off?

Me: (i indicate the direction...20-25kts of headwind for this runway, there is a mountain several miles upwind)

Pax: gee, the wind is really strong today... are the engines strong enough to take off into the wind?

Me: yes.

Pax: shouldnt we be taking off away from the mountain?


back when i was flying a twin otter:

Pax: where is the quietest place to sit in the plane? i have a hearing test in XXX.

Me: (told him some random place to sit...not that it matters in those. then thought to myself "good luck on that hearing test, you'll need it!")

 

[Snakum]

I heard a pax ask another pax how it's possible that we take off in SLC at 1000 and we arive in SAN at 1030. The other pax said it's because westbound flights go really fast because of the earth's rotation

You mean that's not correct? $h!t ... I gotta go find a Flight Instructor.

You think being a pilot is bad? Tell people you're a manager at a software company and you'll get thirty minutes of minutely detail PC problems. :angryfire


Minh

 

[FN FAL]

I am just curious to find out what the dumbest question a passenger/ stranger has ever asked you while at the airport.

How about in the airplane?

Some guy in the back of a Navajo asks me, "hey, is that the Madison airport?"

I reply, "yes!"

He asks, "Are we landing there?"

I reply "Of course, isn't that what your company chartered my company to do?"

He goes, "Yea, but I didn't know you could land at a commercial airport!"

 

[geojet707]

I flew with a Capt who told me while taking a squirt in PIT, a guy tapped him on the shoulder and asked if he knew where his car was parked as he could not remeber where he had left it.

 

[geojet707]

While working the gate for a regional several years back and delaying boarding due to a heavy rain shower (no jetway) I was asked this by an outbound pax:

Q: Do these planes crash in the rain?
A: Well, sometimes. Is your ticket one way?

 

[210FR8DOG]

passenger boarding an ERJ: "are these planes safe?"

me: "no, they usually crash about halfway there, it's been nice knowing you"

 

[328dude]

Is this the flight to .........?

 

[Flying Illini]

We decided to not use our rental car and take the hotel van since we were only staying a mile from the FBO and only for one night. It turns out that there were some airline pax, a family, that were riding with us to the hotel (they were picked up first). The captain and I were in uniform.

Mom: Wow, you look young (I really do, about 4 yrs younger than what I am)! What do the three stripes mean?

Me: I'm a First Officer.

Mom: So you don't fly yet? Is that because you are too young?

Me: The captain and I share legs, I get to fly every other one. It's because I don't have as much experience as the captain, not directly because of my age.

Mom: Oh...that's a little scary...is it the same way on the airlines?

Me: As far as I know, they share legs there too.

Mom: What does the captain do when you are flying?

Me: Oversees and supervises as well as performing all of the non-flying duties that need to be accomplished.

Mom: Wow...what do you do when the captain is flying? Are you allowed to touch anything?

Me: I oversee and supervise the captains actions as well as perform all of the non-flying duties.

Captain: (jumps in) Maam, the airplane we fly is a two pilot airplane, just like the airliners that you fly on. That means that both pilots are equally important and both are required for the safe operation of the aircraft. We both went through the exact same training and we were both tested to the same standards by the FAA. He watches me and I watch him.

Mom: Oh...I had no idea, he just looks so young!

Captain: You have to start at some age.

She actually said thankyou for the education as we all got off the van. I think she may have learned something...hopefully she will pass it on.

Another incident:

Pax: Is the APU still on? (he has no idea that it is on but it is the only airplane terminolgy he knows and he likes to demonstrate his knowledge)
Me: Yes.
Pax: Why aren't you going to shut it off?
Me: Because this is such a short flight, by the time we shut it down, it would be time to restart it.
Pax: Oh...

Same guy, another time:

Pax: (scanning the engine guages) How come those percent guages (N1 and N2) don't say 100%?

 

[MED]

Q. Can you carry my bags? (thought I was a bellman in the hotel)
A. Nope

Q. Am I going to make my connecting flight?
A. Sure

Q. Can you reach the pedals?
A. F#$k off.

 

[milehigh6080]

When someone I was talking to found out that I was a pilot, the response was "Oh wow, aren't you scared????!!!!" I wish I could say that wasn't true, but in fact it's actually happened more than once.

 

[jetexas]

When do you get to fly the real planes? *Grrrr*

Your pay must be fabulous!

How long until you move up to big American (from Eagle)? *laugh*

What's you usual route? *roll eyes*

(confused for a skycap) WELLLL!!! You just gonna stand there??? Yes...I am!

(deadheading) I mentioned to the lady next to me that I was hoping to get there early so I could get something to eat in the terminal. "Oh, why don't you have them call ahead so they (the company) can have you a tray of food ready for you when we get there??"

 

[FlyChicaga]

Flying from Ohio to Vermont, F/A calls up:
F/A: "A passenger wants to know if that is Lake Champlain." (It's Lake Ontario.)
Capt: "Nope, it's the Atlantic Ocean."
F/A: "Ok!" *Click*
I just go "oh no, here we go." Sure enough, 2 minutes later, F/A calls.
F/A: "How the heck can that be the Atlantic Ocean? Are you guys lost?"
Me: "We were just kidding. It's Lake Ontario."
F/A: "Yeah right." *Click*

Taxiing out for my commute, I'm in the last row aisle seat dead asleep already. I kinda wake up halfway when the Captain gets on the PA about a flow delay, and I hear the engines shut down. Businesswoman by the window then proceeds to shake my arm to wake me up, and says "Do we have enough fuel to wait??" I'm still half asleep, and say, "Sorry, I don't have access to any fuel quantity gauges." Then she shakes me again. "Can you call the Captain and ask??" Uh, that would be a big no.

Back in the hat-required days, walk up to the counter to jumpseat to work. In uniform, hat, overcoat, etc. Ask if I can get the jumpseat, and the gate agent looks at me and goes, "Pilot for flight attendant?" I just kinda stood there, and finally said, "Seriously?"

I never get worked up about the stupid questions. Just part of the job. It's just those really idiotic ones that sometimes cause you to be speechless that really get me! It's like, how the heck do I even respond to this?

 

[LAXSaabdude]

Sleeping in the last row of a 757 commuting to work, I sort of wake up, open one eye, to see a guy standing in the aisle, right in my face. He says "How come you people don't let us use the first class lav when one of the rear ones is broken?!"

"Sorry, it's a federal law."

"OHHHH!! So the federal government has a problem with us coach people mingling with first class!"

"It's a security law. Did you notice that the cockpit door is right next to the first class lav? How would you feel if there were 5 guys standing around in front of the cockpit?"

"oh...ok."

LAXSaabdude.

 

[NuGuy]

Standing in CLT one day, I was over at the sun glass hut wasting time.

A lady comes over to me, and asks where the 'C' Concourse was. Mind you, the concourses in CLT at the time were marked with 25 foot blue illuminated letters so bright that they cast shadows, and we were standing not 20 feet from the 'C'.

Without saying a word, I took a pair of shades off the rack, put them on, and stared at the 'C' and pointed.

Not even a thank you...what a bitch...

Nu

 

[AlphaSierra01]

My favorite one I was asked was "How do those BIG airplanes stop on those little a$$ wheels?"

 

[BOHICAgain]

Are you the pilot or the person who sits next to him...


Where are the parachutes??


Is there a bed in the cockpit??

 

[Metro752]

Standing in CLT one day, I was over at the sun glass hut wasting time.

A lady comes over to me, and asks where the 'C' Concourse was. Mind you, the concourses in CLT at the time were marked with 25 foot blue illuminated letters so bright that they cast shadows, and we were standing not 20 feet from the 'C'.

Without saying a word, I took a pair of shades off the rack, put them on, and stared at the 'C' and pointed.

Not even a thank you...what a bitch...

Nu

lmao thats hilarious, i can just imagine.

 

[viper548]

Is this the flight to .........?

Out of SLC that is a very legit question. I've had several pax get on the wrong plane out of there.

 

[LAXSaabdude]

Where are the parachutes??

Love that question.

Most pax would be lucky if they could successfully operate their own oxygen masks, let alone strap up and properly use a parachute.

LAXSaabdude.

 

[4fanman]

Muahahahahaha

The next time I'm stuck in the terminal waiting for a ride, I think I'll randomly pick some crewmember and start asking stupid questions. After having been on the recieving side for years, I could probably come up with some good ones.

This could be really entertaining. Maybe I could even capture their initial look of disbelief/frustration with a camera. :laugh:

On second thought, maybe not. With my luck I would pick the one guy that is riding the fence of sanity and was one stupid question away from going :uzi: .

 

[whaleroast]

One time I was standing out front of a hotel in uniform waiting for the shuttle to pick us up and this old woman asked me if I was a Mormon.

 

[no_desk_for_me]

This has got to be the dumbest questions I have ever heard. As an F/O on the 1900 we had a rather empty flight with maybe three passengers so I told them they could all sit whever they liked. One man got up and started walking to the front of the airplane to sit in 1A and asked me, "Can I sit here today or is this your seat." i couldn't believe it. He was dead seriouse and had a straight face. My patience was running low that day with passangers and before I could come up with some smart a** remark another passenger jumped in and told him to sit down and went off on him for not knowing who he was talking to. I just stood there in amazment that someone was that ignorant and that the lady biteing his head off actually knew something.

 

[Cutlass1287]

"Oh your a pilot huh! So do you fly into buildings?"

 

[freeflyer14]

This is one situation we commuters have over the guys who live in base... We get to deal with all this crap way more often. I have spent the time reading this thread cracking up because of how familiar most of it sounds. I also ride public transportation from my home to the airport so it happens twice as often.

On the train, going towards the airport, in uniform, with luggage, when the airport is the last stop of the line

moron: "so are you going to fly today?"

 

[Flyforyou]

Q: Sir, am I going to die on this airplane?
A: I don't know ma'am, have you checked your blood pressure lately?

 

[turbodriver]

Funny you should ask. I think it may have just happened yesterday. I was standing at an empty gate, looking at open time on the computer. An old woman came up to me and asked me if I knew where there was an ATM that would take (insert bank name) cards. I said, I'm sorry, I don't know, you may look in the food court, most ATMs will take other bank ATMs for a small surcharge.

She then launched into a long-winded story about how an ATM wouldn't take her card and that she really needed one from her bank. Did I know where one was?! I said no, I do not. She seemed kind of disgusted as she walked away.

For some reason, when you wear a pilot uniform, people think you have an encyclopedic knowledge about everything that goes on at the airport.

LAXSaabdude.

ain't that the friggin truth....

 

[turbodriver]

"Isn't this a prohibited item?" - BUR TSA agent holding up my headset
"Why do you have an aviation radio?" - Same BUR TSA agent
"Are you aware that navigation charts are not allowed in carry-on luggage?" - BUR TSA agent's supervisor.

I missed three possible flights waiting for the BUR TSA incompetence squad to find someone literate enough to read their own policy and regulation documents.

Relax, Bush and Co. will soon replace all of them with the non-english speaking, minimum wage earning, not giving a $hit private screeners. All because the Dept. of homeland security needs to save money.

Securing the country is secondary.

 

[Jimdandy]

Snowing like crazy in MSP. Had a hill-billy type come up to me and ask how do those tire work in snow he then went on to ask do you ever put chains on them.

 

[Positive Rate]

Dead heading somewhere in uniform.....the usual buzzed up guy bloats out the usual question.....Shouldn t you be up there drivin?

Answer: ahh but i am i have a remote control in my pocket..