Overheard on ATC

[jim718181]

I heard this one a while back

Female pilot: Jax center can we get a shortcut, we'd like to go direct to xxx
Anonymous voice: Your whole career has been a shortcut

 

[SKYW Pilot]

Two things every instrument pilot has to learn...

1) "Minimum fuel" and...

2) "Unable"

"Skywest, advise when able to copy holding instructions."

"Unable, minimum fuel."

-------------

"Skywest, pick up ATIS Alpha."

"Unable, minimum fuel."

 

[kmox29]

I heard this one a while back

Female pilot: Jax center can we get a shortcut, we'd like to go direct to xxx
Anonymous voice: Your whole career has been a shortcut

It's always amazing how many people have actually heard ATC conversations like this one above or the "F'ing bored, not stupid" one.

I wonder how many people have actually heard this one too:

Center: Airline XYZ please expidite descent to cross [intersection] at 11,000
Airline XYZ: Ahh, unable [intersection] at 11,000
Center: Don't you guys have airbrakes on that thing?
Airline XYZ: Airbrakes are for our screwups, not yours.

 

[mckpickle]

I was taxing into some airport late one rainy night with a female FO. There was a lot of construction on the ramp so we slowed unsure of which route to take.

US....Ummmmmground, whats the best way to the gate from here.

Jetlink xxxx just go around the back

Us.....ok ground we'll take it in the back side.

 

[Flyingfool77]

I got this one from my pops. Release times for flow control in Canada and Europe are called slot times. Ok here we go.

The controllers are very serious over there. No laughing or joking around on the radio. Plus imagine this with a heavy English accent speaking very proper.

Controller “Speedbird XXX hold your position. I’m going to pass a virgin in-front of you with a tight slot”.

Silence for a couple of seconds…….

Controller still in a very serious voice, “ I can’t believe I just said that.”

Got this one from a co-worker….

British Airways was pushing off the gate.

Controller “ Speedbird, do you have a problem?”

Speedbird “Sorry it seems we’ve squashed a fellow.”

 

[PhotoFlyer]

While flying to CLT on New Years day early in the morning, radio is fairly quiet, then in an excited voice on a morning where there are no excited voices......

USAIR "CLT appr, USAir 123"
ATC "a/c calling clt go ahead"

USAIR "CLT, USAir 123, just an observation; we're level niner thousand crossing booze with wiskey......its new years day"


The bad news is the controller was aparently working more than one freq and didn't get it right away. Although the crew recieved accolades from others that morning. I liked it.

 

[FlyBarneyJets]

Airplane 1 to Center: "Ah, Center...any chance we can go direct to XYZ?"

Center: "Sorry. Have to leave you on your route today due to Presidential movement."

Unidentified Airplane: "Hope everything comes out okay."

 

[ALGFLYR]

Heard this one many years ago:

Center: Blueridge 123 (J-41)Traffic at 6:00, a DC-9 will be overtaking you from behind.

Blueridge 123: Roger, we'll prepare to be taken from behind...

Got a few extra comments, even from the controller. I've always wanted to use it but never got the chance...

 

[SKYW Pilot]

Heard this one many years ago:

Center: Blueridge 123 (J-41)Traffic at 6:00, a DC-9 will be overtaking you from behind.

Blueridge 123: Roger, we'll prepare to be taken from behind...

Got a few extra comments, even from the controller. I've always wanted to use it but never got the chance...

Now that's some funny stuff!! I fly the Brasilia and am very familiar with being "taken from behind."

 

[SKYW Pilot]

One time a friend of mine was on approach to STL with American. There was a Southwest jet taxiing for takeoff...

Controller: Southwest 123 advise if you can take an immediate, American on final... disregard, I'm used to working with American. Southwest 123, Runway 30L cleared for takeoff.

aa73 can tell the story better than me. You get the idea...

 

[Tri-holer]

Taxiing out at LGA one busy day. Airplanes all over and ground was hopping. Someone said, "Ground, can you give us our sequence?" Ground replied in the typical New York accent, "I don't know who just called, but if I find out, you're number last."

 

[OPECJet]

Said to me by the guy who works both CLT and PHL ramps. The guy does a great job working the ramp, but he said a mouthfull to us a couple of months ago.

"Piedmont, hold your push. You got an RJ comin' on your tail".

 

[great cornholio]

Heard today at IAD...

Potomac App... ABC1234 if you have the field in sight then you can prepare for a short approach.

ABC1234...Roger fields in sight.

Potomac...ABC1234 uhhhh actaully nevermind stay on downwind...looks like you have to do number 2 now.

 

[aa73]

Now that's some funny stuff!! I fly the Brasilia and am very familiar with being "taken from behind."

Uhhh.. yes you are.

73

 

[aa73]

One time a friend of mine was on approach to STL with American. There was a Southwest jet taxiing for takeoff...

Controller: Southwest 123 advise if you can take an immediate, American on final... disregard, I'm used to working with American. Southwest 123, Runway 30L cleared for takeoff.

aa73 can tell the story better than me. You get the idea...

yup.... and capped it off with "we may be slow but at least we're losing money....!"