one more year is all I can take!!!!!

[pilotswife]

Hi all,

Well I have been hanging in there being the supportive wife and mother of 2 for over 5 years now, but this aviation obsession is driving me absolutely nuts!!!!

I am sure the story is the same for many of you-
My husband and I sold everything we owned, I supported the family and kids while he went to flight training for a year.

We just sold our current home again so that we could prepare some "padding" in the bank for when he gets hired with a commuter this year...

I am sick of trying .......

Tired of supporting this obsession...

Today my husband was flying at the a local FBO and he ran into one of his former students who was smoking outside the terminal building- my husband hadn't seen the guy since '01 and the dude is flying a Citation....he was #$%&ing pissed. [pardon my French]

My husband gave up CFI'ing full time and has been doing it part time for a few years now....

I guess I am just losing it and I kind of don't get it any more either-- he'll be 35 this year

(I kind of understand the aviation addiction, I am a flight attendant and love my job)

But when do you give up the dream of eventually flying one of the big boys and when are you just content to fly your single engine around with the kids in the backseat for a $100.00 burger???????

Any words of advice or encouragement ...please......

 

[KeroseneSnorter]

Well if its any comfort, a Citation ain't really a whopper of an airplane!!

On a serious note, I always live by the motto, do what you like doing! If you are happy in your profession then money isn't everything. Lord knows, after flight instructing, flying freight, a regional , a Major, a furlough, back to flight instructing and now Corporate.....it's obvious I'm not in this business just for the money!!!!

 

[TonyC]

It can be particularly disheartening when things seem so bleak, so hopeless, and you run across someone who seems to have fallen into such a good deal. I said SEEM, because you may never know the whole story. You'll probably NOT know the sacrifices he made to get there. Did he leave behind a wife or a girlfriend? Did he sacrifice a friendship? Did he compromise or sell himself in some way? I'm not saying this guy necessarily did any of those - - I'm just saying, don't be fooled by those pictures of success you think you see.

As tough as you paint the picture that you live, you've obviously got some great things going for you. First and foremost, you're working as a team. There's not a job in the world or a prize in the universe that is more valuable than that. Thank God daily for that.

You've also enunciated that there is a financial plan - - you've set aside funds to prepare for lean times. Outstanding - - BRAVO -- Good for you 2! You've just eliminated a huge problem that traps most of us that are less far-sighted.

Dreams never die. Sometimes they are relegated to the back burner, or the bottom shelf - - but they never die. Sometimes we decide that they should be a lower priority, and we abandon the pursuit of them, but they never die. Fight the fight with him - - don't give up.

The harder the fight, the more meaningful will be the results. You'll thank yourselves later on. The hard times will not seem to have been so hard, and the strength that you will have gained from facing the challenges together will keep you close together.

It will get better - - don't give up.

 

[350DRIVER]

Dreams are just dreams, some come true but many others do not. I can only wish your husband the best of luck in his employment and career search but there will be a point in time where he is going to have to look at reality and decide what is in the best interest of his "family" versus career. Dreams and reality are very very different from each other.


Family is much more important than any far fetched dream of flying the big iron.


Either way I wish you luck and the patience to allow this situation to possibly get better..


3 5 0

 

[CUEBOAT]

I see this all the time. I work at a fairly big flight school. I'd say 80% of the students are mid to late 30's who gave up great careers to eat rahmen noodles for 3 years and they bitch about it. I'm not saying your husband is bitching I just don't understand this mid-life crisis career change. I'm young and know that is the only hope I have to recover from all these **CENSORED****CENSORED****CENSORED****CENSORED** loans I have out. I agree with 350driver, there is a turning point where enough is enough, I set my a date as my turning point myself, where if i'm still in debt i'm changing careers.

 

[Oakum_Boy]

Ever heard of Sally Struthers?

 

[AA717driver]

I'll give you my wife's e-mail and you can talk to her.

For the past several years, I was miserable(though I didn't realize it, she did). It wasn't until I got a forced change in my career that I realized it.

Bottom line is, if you husband is miserable you will be, too. Not that you should sacrifice your happiness for his but you can probably find a way out of this.

The career thing will sort itself out if he keeps a good attitude and keeps plugging away. Although the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow is a lot smaller than it used to be.

Good luck and let me know if you want that e-mail address.TC

 

[CSY Mon]

Never give up.
There is a pot of gold out there somewhere.

I drove cabs to pay for flight school.
No college.

Flew single engine props for a bunch'o years.
Had wet dreams about twin time.
Finally got into a twin, surely I had died and arrived in heaven.

Then there was the turbine stuff.
Got that too after some years, even left seat.

Did not think I was ever going to a jet or to a major, but stuck to my guns.
(Had no choice, did not wanna go back and drive drunks at night in the cabs, ever)

One thing led to another, and before I was 40 years old, flew left seat in 747s all over the world.
To say it was rewarding would be a huge understatement.

I tell guys who ask, don't ever give up.......

(On the other hand, no wife, kids or mortgages in the lean years,
nuff said)

 

[Hawker1]

I'd just like to say that I enjoy reading these posts. It gives me a chance to look at both sides. I think TonyC made a good point by looking at the positive things. You two have what most couples in America don't have, a marriage that is strong and well-communicated.

I do believe that there are more important things in life other than flying. I know I'd love to have that dream job, but if it means moving my loved ones around all the time, and me missing ball games, birthdays, school events, etc then I'll just take the next best offer.

I really do enjoy reading all the posts in support of this hard working wife. To you, I can only say count your blessings, daily. Remember that life is what you make of it. I would say do what you feel is right for you and your husband BOTH. You never know, things might just work out. And by all means, laugh!

 

[Northern Lights]

Here is a recent link to the "Do it all again?" thread http://forums.flightinfo.com/showthread.php?threadid=33004&perpage=25&pagenumber=1

I would say that if you have made it this far, don't give up now! Nearly every regional airline is hiring this year and so are the 135 cargo places like Airnet.

 

[350DRIVER]

It does not matter how many or who is hiring present day, that is completely irrelevant since the number of "qualified" applicants far exceeds the current number of available jobs. It is a known fact that a "pilot shortage" is not realistic nor will it ever be and it does not help someone who is in this guy's position. Luck, timing, and being in the right place at the right time can easily determine a person's fate within this industry. It is great to shoot for the stars but plenty of people do end up coming well short of that goal. There will be a point in time (or should be) where enough is going to be enough and family cannot suffer due to one person's dream of making the "big time". "Don't give up", "you have come this far", "hang in there", "it is just a matter of time", "so many are hiring", " you will get there", etc, etc. blah, blah, does not help with the reality of what is going on in many cases. It is great to have that upbeat and positive attitude when you are not in the other person's position and in his circumstances. You are unable to control most of the variables in this equation when you are looking in from the outside. Some would say the glass is half full but many others would say that it is half empty and loosing liquid quite rapidly.

I have come in contact with many in this industry over the years that have had to move on and forgo the "dream" of flying the big iron to save a marriage/family, this happens whether you want to admit it or not. The bank account savings is only going to allow him to pursue this for so long then reality is going to set in. I would sit down with him if I were you and really discuss the future and be realistic and don't let the "hopes" and "dreams" cause you to get financially in trouble.

I am not advocating that he should just "give up" on this goal/objective, I am merely stating that he needs to have a plan B in place and have something on the back burner should his options run out on this attempt. I have seen a few loose just about everything they had since they were so determined to make it and never did, they basically lost it all. If they would have set a time frame where they could pull out then they would have been much better off.

This is a very unforgiving and competitive industry by nature and no matter how badly you want something you may not be able to obtain it. If I were him I surely would have a backup plan in place and limit the time that he spends chasing something that may or may not happen.


He may have all the "right stuff" but without a job, offer, or any leads then he is still going to be looking in from the outside and trying to figure out how to just get by to pay the bills and put food on the table.


The more popular 135/91 departments are pretty selective and you need to have some internal ties in the majority of them to get noticed and get that initial break. The insurance company reqt's are dictating a lot of what is going on present day.


As I previously stated, I can only wish him the best of luck in his career search and hope that he is successful in the end no matter where this takes him.


c h e e r s

3 5 0

 

[Gulfstream 200]

an unhappy wife and kids will only stay SO long while one plays pilot...

whats more important??

How ya gonna live off a regional salary?

Hope you got it all figured out!


All I know is my wife posting here for advice would be enough wake up call for me to quit tommorrow.

 

[TWA Dude]

For the past several years, I was miserable(though I didn't realize it, she did).

TC: I knew it as well but I didn't say anything since you were paying for the beers.
Enjoy the sultry south.

Dude

 

[Ty Webb]

Part of the problem that you two are experiencing is that this is a very cyclical industry, and this is the bottom of the cycle.

I graduated in 1990 with 600 hours TT and 50 multi. Most of the graduates the previous year got on with regionals (called commuters then) or got corporate jobs. One guy even hired on as a Flight Engineer at Pan Am. Unfortunately for me, the bottom dropped out the following few years, and I ended up "sitting out" of aviation for a few years. in fact, I went almost three years where I didn't fly at all.

Then, things started moving again, around 1995-1996, and by 1997 some regionals who wouldn;t previously look at me without 2500tt were running ads in the local papers shouting "PILOTS! If you have 1000 Total and 100 Multi, American Eagle wants to talk to you!".

You don't say where you live, but if you are willing to live near a city that has an active business aviation airport, your husband might find himself able to get on with a corporate flight department, maybe at first as just an "on-call" spot, but once he starts rubbing elbows with corporate pilots around the country, he will eventually find a decent full-time spot. That's what I did. It paid much better than a regional, and of those of us who wanted to get to get to an airline, we managed to do it.

The upshot of what I am saying is that I would temper his need to keep progressing with the fact that unless he is close to competitive minimums for a job, stepping off the merry-go-round while it is slow, and stepping back on when it starts speeding up isn;t necessarily a bad thing for some people . . . but that might not be palatable for everyone.

I will tell you this, though. When I got my class date at AirTran, I told my wife "We did it!" and I meant it . . . because she was there with me all along. It was definitely a team effort.

Best of luck.

 

[Timebuilder]

Pilotswife-

If your husband was much older than 35, I'd say he should cut his losses and go. In fact, this is one of those rare times that I agree with 350 driver. Geeez. First I start ageeing with Typhoon and Mar, now it's 350. Heck, it's almost a miracle!

I wouldn't be too impressed with that Citation thing. Nothing against the airplane, but there are always people who seem to step in a pile of... gold. As an an instructor, your husband should derive some satisfaction from the fact that he helped another pilot along his path. That's important.

You said he is still instructing part-time. Good. Currency is a big issue for pilots in between jobs. I know. A year and a half ago I was right in the zone for AirNet, but I already had a job as a Lear FO. In retrospect, it might have been a better move to ask Craig Washka when he'd like me to come out to his HQ, but hindsight is always 20/20. Make sure your husband gets a bunch of simulated, along with some actual, every month. If he has the hours, get that ATP done.

While these guys who luck into a job are impressive, slow and steady DOES win the race. Study. Fly. Network. Work on interviewing skills while building relationships with pilots who work where you (in this case, he, your husband) want to work. Get to know the people, the places, the airplanes. Focus. Start to get to know the gouge on the employers that are a part of the "next step."

Finally, look at alternatives. Would he be happy selling real estate and flying his own plane on his time off? Remember, find a good job may take a great deal of time and effort, and exact a high emotional price. He must be convinced, along with you, that this fight is worth the trouble. If it isn't, now may be the time.

I would certainly look at AirNet and some other freight operators. Piston and turboprop charters are also good steps to consider. No harm in sending resumes to a few regionals, either.

The pot of gold is not only small, it is indeed getting smaller. It has gotten so much smaller in such a short period of time that we not only have an oversupply of pilots, we have a glut of pilots. Yes, it is a down cycle, but other factors will keep things from returning to the levels of the late 90's. More small jets, personal jets, leaner contracts, and less air travel (by population percentage) are hallmarks of the times to come. Ther are jobs, but they are fewer than almost anyone would have thought. These jobs don't even approach the life earning potential that most of us imagined just a few years ago.

Let me put on my Nomex suit for protection, now.

You and your husband need to pray about this. God's wisdom is not only available to believers; He cares for every one of us. Ask for His guidance. It may be that your husband needs to stay the course right now. Maybe, he needs to concentrate on caring for his family. After considering all of the factors, you need to consider your hearts.

 

[House_X]

I know some part 135 Freight Dogs that are happily married...they are at home every night and have weekends off.
The $$$ issue will always be there. The economy is such that everyone is underemployed...unless he has an Engineering or Medical degree, finding a good job in any field is tough these days. So, I think getting out of flying and selling used cars will only make him depressed.

The kids makes it very complicated...5 years is a long time...but it seems like such a waste not to at least try and fly professionally.

$$$ doesn't solve marriage problems...but having a descent schedule does.

 

[mar]

Easy there big guy.

First I start ageeing with Typhoon and Mar, now it's 350. Heck, it's almost a miracle!

We'll get ya back--back to the garden, so to speak. An old liberal should recognize that one.

My two cents: Pilot's wife has already set a sort of ultimatum with the title of this thread: One More Year.

I think she and her husband should sit down and set some very clear and specific goals to be accomplished within that year. They should both agree on them.

If they're accomplished, fantastic!
If not, fall back, regroup, re-evaluate and decide what's next. They might both find new energy to continue *or* they might both agree to bail.

Either way, it's a decision only they can make--hopefully together.

Finally, Ty Webb, I'm just curious about the guy who got the FE job at PanAm in 1990. Whatever happened to him?

 

[Timebuilder]

We'll get ya back--back to the garden, so to speak. An old liberal should recognize that one.

First CSN album, Woodstock.

Or, the Joni Mitchell version, if you prefer. A little more ethereal and haunting.

 

[bigD]

First CSN album, Woodstock.

One of the best albums ever, BTW. Well, after Legend of course!

 

[mar]

Bravo! Well done brother Timebuilder

Joni actually wrote the song. CSN&Y covered it.

And young BigD mades an impressive appearance. I wouldn't think a "funk master" would know the classics so well.

Then again maybe you're not so young? But I get the feeling you weren't even a twitch in your dad's pants when CSN were strummin' it.