Most embarassing moment

[Almerick07]

Hit a golfer that was one hole ahead of me....should have used a 3 iron.

 

[Swede]

Too many to list. Most not suitable for this forum. One of the worst...

I was FO departing EWR after a layover. Something I ate the night before was grumbling and tumbling in my guts. The first gentle whispers of distress began during the start checklist. No problem, I'm thinking, I'm good for at least a couple hours yet. During engine start, I'm beginning to develop those strong "Gotta Go" crampy gripes.

As we taxi out (full AC), I reach a certain point of suffering. We've all been there. If I don't offload in the next 2 minutes, it's going to be an epic, vile disaster. I'm pale, and big beads of sweat are forming on my face.

"STOP the JET NOW, I'VE GOT TO HIT THE LAV, FAST!!!"

The captain is laughing his a$$ off as I leap out of the cockpit and fly into the lav. All of first class, and the FA's, are staring directly at my doubled-over, staggering form as I burst through the CP door. Are we on fire? Is there a terrorist? Is the Captain dead?

Now the worst happens, as if it's not already pretty bad. This is graphic. Don't read it if potty humour offends.

Keep in mind, all of this is unfolding on the parallel taxiway at EWR, with traffic backing up behind us, and ground asking if we need help.





OK. You've been warned.




At high pressure, the vile remains of last night are audibly ejected in the 1C lav toilet. Worse than the noise is the stench. One of those "once every 5 years" bit of toilet pollution that carries on the breeze like a squirt of VX nerve agent. The cabin is polluted to a degree that defies description, with the entire aircraft load staring at the unfolding drama in total, amazed silence. To this day, I cannot describe the utter, ultimate humiliation as I scooted back forward to my FO seat. It still makes me cringe.

 

[chperplt]

It still makes me cringe.

Makes you cringe but makes me laugh my ass off!!!!

Something about bathroom humor....

 

[empenage]

Whoa buddy! Swede, I feel the pain man...I feel the pain...

 

[icefr8dawg]

Anyone fly a Hawker? We've left the damm steering pin off a couple of times. After waiting for the "senior" line guy who knows how to put it back in with the engines runninng we get soluted by the entire ramp crew on the taxi out. It's happened a couple of times and each time it gets the same result.

Once broke the retractable step off the 310 while disembarking on an icy ramp in BUF. That hurt

 

[VNugget]

- Trying to taxi out with a chock still in, with a smoking hottie in the back.

- Trying to start with the mixture out, with my best flying friend in the back. (But the tables were turned when I had to take off his tiedown chains so he wouldn't have to shut down. Yeah I'm looking at you, TrafficInSight)

- Cessna Diamonds. I couldn't hit that wing harder if I'd tried to on purpose. I was in the process of standing up after tying my shoe, while starting to move toward the cockpit at the same time..... carrying maximum momentum.

 

[414Flyer]

This man speaks the truth. Been there, done that, picked the puke out of my hair. I had a brand new CFI certificate in my pocket, and another CFI was flying the airplane. After about an hour tossing around in the summer bumps, I tried to let fly out the window, and he, I, and the airplane all got to wear the vomit for the next hour to the destination. Somehow "I'm sorry" just doesn't cut it.

Happens that way on roller coasters too. I once covered everyone behind me in puke. I think I will forever have an image of this bald guy with glasses, and a fair amount of vomit on his glasses and head

 

[Sam Snead]

After an 0-dark-30 show, my FO pointed out that I was wearing 1 black shoe and 1 brown shoe. I had to hide in the cockpit all day! What a dork!

I had dressed wearily and in the dark.

After that I did a shoe-check if I left very early.

The FO told some of the other pilots and I got some static later but not much.

 

[m4j2t]

3rd day of ioe, 5th leg of the day, 30 minutes to make the turn--and the aircraft swap. post-flight, preflight, paperwork--got it all done, both of em spinning, "after start checklist complete" (reaching for my headset...which I left in the last aircraft...)

shutdown #1 run across the ramp with everybody watching (it was the evening rush) emerge from the other a/c with headset in hand and then had to stand there to hold the button to put the door back up :0... longest 8 seconds of my life. run back and listen to it on company...

 

[JimG]

In a hurry, told the (now) ex-wife and the kids to get the tie down chains as I was pre-flighting and packing bags.

Fired up and started out in a fast taxi....only to discover the left wing was still tied down, which meant a shut down, climb out over the ex, pull the wing down to take the slack out of the chain so she could unhook it.

She still brings it up occasionally that I'm a bad pilot b/c of that incident (which was her responsibility).