Funniest Thing You've Heard on the Radio?

[jetexas]

DFW is famous for the "AA windcheck". One day I heard "windcheck!" Tower came back with "calm!". Not 2 seconds later and ..."windcheck!" Tower then very curtly said "Wind...from every direction at ZERO knots!"

 

[skyslug]

Several years ago we heard Center give an AA flight a descent crossing restriction. Apparently it was a little ambitious because the AA flight replied "we couldn't make that if we jumped out".

 

[Knob]

Overheard on DEN center:

'Lakes air 121, you gonna make GLIMR @ 15?"

"Yes sir, we're comin' down like a Baron full of doctors!!"

 

[blesko]

ftw ctr had an air conditioning unit fail back in the late 80s/early 90s so all the doors to the center were open for ventilation. student controller was at the scope with the push to talk switch on the floor depressed with the foot. the training controller was behind the student. Its a pretty slow day and they are swatting and killing flies for points on a typical hot,muggy dallas day. Single engin calls up FTW on the clearance RCO requesting an IFR. Student controller issues the clearance, fails to take his foot off the PTT and leans over to kill a fly with the flyswatter and says watch me kill this one.

 

[1973Arrow]

One of the controllers at CLT, in the early hours of the morning had a 'squwak box'. It was this recorded parrot. The squwak code was definately the most enertaining part of the clearence...

 

[dav8or]

PIT Tower: "American I need you to slow 10 knots on final, I going to launch an aircraft between you and the aircraft ahead."

American "We don't feel safe with you trying to sqeeze out that departure between us"

PIT Tower " American slow 10 knots on final"

American "Tower we need a number to call you on the ground"

PIT Tower "Only number your getting is departure, landing clearance cancelled, SEEE YA"

 

[h2oskier]

Back in my freight dog days for Mountain Air Cargo we were departing IAD one morning when the tower controller was a female that the captain and I had met during a tour of the tower a couple of weeks before. I called ready at the end, and she responded with "Mountain 8161, taxi into position and hold, be ready for the immediate, I have traffic on a 3 and a half mile final." Before I could key the mike, the captain says to me "I got this one" then he broadcasts "O.K, Theresa, we'll pull it out and hold it and be ready for you!"

 

[ubpilot]

Cessna 1234: LA Center, Cessna 1234 at 5,500’ VFR to K###
LA Center: Cessna 1234 Roger, altimeter 3003

30 seconds later, LA Center: ????????????????????????????

LA Center: Cessna 1234 I didn’t tell you to squawk 3003, I said Altimeter is 30.03 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[GuppyWN]

LA center. Delta is walking over everybody causing the controller to repeat all clearances. Finally says "LA, Delta XXX 350 sixth call!!!!" LA says, "ah Delta, glad to know who's been stepping on me for the past five minutes."

and years ago.

Center is asking about rides. "AA how's your ride?" AA responds "we've got whitecaps in our coffee." Center asks TWA how his ride is........ "we haven't been served any coffee yet."

 

[DetoXJ]

Whilst taxing out my Avro RJ85 in DTW a few years an A320 was issued clearance to taxi out infront of us. The NWA Airbus f.o. responded something like "taxi in front of the Smurf Jet". Shortly there after, DTW Ground instructed us to follow the NWA A320. My quick witted FO responded "Roger, behind the twin to 21L"

 

[Mookie]

IAH ground..."SkyWest follow the Large RJ (E-170) right to left."

my fo..."Roger follow the jumbo shrimp."
epic.

mookie

 

[KingDriver]

At Teterboro last year, there were about 10 jets in the holding pad waiting for the weather to clear to the south and a G-5 was cleared to taxi from the ramp directly to the runway.

ATC: "Gulfstream XXXX taxi to Runway 24, contact the tower and don't be smug or give anyone the finger as you taxi by everyone".

Of Course, all of us got the bird!

Last week coming out of LAS a citation was leading the pack on the east departure gate.

Citation XXX: Las Vegas Departure, can Citation XXXX go normal speed?"
ATC: What's that?????????? 170?

 

[Stifler's Mom]

Going into JFK, late at night, landing on 31R...approach asks Virgin Atlantic what speed they were doing.

VA: "We're slowed to 160 knots."

NYC: "That's funny, I don't remember giving you anything than slower than 250 knots. You're in a jet aircraft, number one for the airport, and you decide to slow to 160 knots without telling me."

VA: (Totally caught offgaurd) "We're terribly sorry about that."

NYC: "I've got airplanes all over the place overtaking you. Turn to XXX Heading"

NYC had kicked him out of the approach lineup.

Welcome to the United States enjoy your stay!!!!!!!!

 

[txpilot1_99]

Freight dogging it this summer, dodging storms in the Midwest, on center I overheard this (paraphrased):

Delta XXX: Indy Center, Delta XXX, requesting deviation to the right, we're in some weather.

Center: Delta XXX, approved, but it looks like your heading into worse stuff that way.

Delta: Well, we think your RADAR might have a better picture of this stuff, what do you recommend?

Center: Well, I wouldn't have went that was in the first place. You're right in the middle of the stuff. Any deviations approved.

 

[wmuflyguy]

In albany while holding short of runway a B1900 lands, as he is taxxing off the runway he asks.

B1900: Hey tower why is the VOR out?
Unknown voice: Cause you touch yourself at nite.
Tower: Uh..........it lost power this morning

What a family guy quote.