Funniest Thing You've Heard on the Radio?

[Baronman]

Heard this myself last week in INDY center.

-Jetblue -"Jetblue 123 checking in at FL 370"
-Indy Center- "Roger....sigh"
-Jetblue - "Been a long day?..."
-Indy Center - "Yes it has"
- Unknown Aircraft - "Yeah, and he didn't even do a transcon turn today"

 

[ReverseSensing]

Overheard on SEA ground freq:

Delta: "Ground, there's a piece of caulking sticking up from an expansion joint in the taxiway in front of us.

Ground: "Roger, break, Ops 3, did you copy?

Ops 3: "Roger."

Delta: "Just need to take a hoe and stuff the caulk in the crack."

Not even sure the Delta guy realized what that sounded like. Or maybe he did. :laugh:

 

[-Xavier-]

The Scene: A dark and stormy night at JFK.
Dozen or so different airlines and lots of heavily accented radio calls, many of them completely unreadable...Everyone is trying to get in that conga line to cross the North Atlantic, and the ground controller can't see any of them because of the vis is down to a quarter or so. Everyone is getting stepped on, airplanes are on the wrong taxiways, and the poor controller is losing it. Finally, he announces: "Everyone Stop Right Now!! I want everyone to hold their position. Do not move!" A shocked silence ensues for a few seconds and then, very quietly, someone says: "Delta moved...."

Haha.... nice thread.

 

[Alcatraz]

Center: United 35, are you a 757 or a 767 today?

(remember both cockpits are similar)

UAL35: Uhhhhh........ standby!!!!

Unknown: What, are you gonna get out and check the hubcaps?

 

[ERfly]

Heard a good one the other day coming into Houston. It was early morning and Axe (the Jetlincoln guy) was working. This was by far the most creative thing I heard:

IAH App: "Southwest 903, proceed direct whatchu talkin' about."

SWA: (Click of the mike...then silence...then) "Uh, it's kinda early, can you give us that fix again."

(Meanwhile, I get the joke and start laughing)

IAH App: "Southwest 903, proceed direct whatchu talkin' about WLLIS."

SWA: "Oh...huh...huh...Direct WLLIS, Southwest 903. Good one."

IAH App: "I thought so."

 

[aerobaticspilot]

MALE COW FECES!!!!

Like Air Force One advertizes itself on VHF. Isn't AF1 military and don't they use UHF?

it does actually use vhf and uhf.

 

[ratherbeflyen]

I was truckin boxes in texas, picked up a local IFR into HOU.

Center: say location altitude and souls on board.

Me: HOU 270 at 60, 10,500, no souls just me

Center: (laughing) your a soul

Me: nah, I sold it to get this job

 

[GARFF]

There's got to more....keep 'em comming!

 

[V1cutsrfun]

Ok a few backthe fall of 03 I was climbing out of DEN with the winds out of the west at 35 knots with the o so familiar rotor clouds up and down the foothills and the lenticular clouds were stacked about 2-3 high and went from the Cheyene(CYS) to Pueblo(PUB). Everyone was checking in with dept...

American XX, eight point five for 10 thousand rwy heading, whens it gonn get smooth
DEPT:dont know, turn right 230 direct XYZ
This continued for several more aircraft departing until

United XXXX: Dept United XXXX 8 for nine rwy heading, WHEN IS THIS GONNA END!! (obviously taking a pretty good beating)
Dept: (with out skipping a beat) in May turn right heading 250 and climb and maintain 240.....:laugh:

I just about pissed myself

 

[JohnnyDrama]

Last night in MEM,
Departure: FLG1234 maintain 250kts in the climb.....company traffic in front of you is having trouble getting it up tonight..