Flight Crew Practical Jokes

[Flyer1015]

My best one was taking out of DTW, Captain's takeoff roll... At V1, I grabbed the right throttle lever and pulled it all the way back to 'shutoff' and announced "engine failure."

He actually handled it pretty well, per profile.

 

[JediNein]

Only when getting block or better and you're the tenth or so RJ in line, as the competition is rolling, a fire test 'accidently' on tower frequency is worth a few tenths. I've 'heard' it works for Lears, too.

 

[RegionalWannabe]

Hand the F/A two empty bottles of water and tell her you're having pressurization problems and need her to get samples of air from the front and back of the cabin..

This one works good but with a trash bag and have them run down the aisle for the air sample so mx can test it on the ground.

When the captain goes to the port-a-potty and you hear the flush (assuming the lav is near the cockpit) make a PA and say "laddies and gentlemen its my pleasure to announce we have a star on board, our airlines pilot of the year for last year Captain XYZ, give him/her a round of applause."
Whats great is they have to stand and acknowledge the people until YOU unlock the door, looking out the window and seeing a pissed off captain with people clapping behind them makes this job worth it!

I like to wake captains up during the descent with the throttles in flight idle and pulling up on the beta gate levers, makes for a good alarm clock.

When you are getting to know your captain and you can tell they are easy going, when they start talking about their kids or pets or really anything start to rub your crotch with a huge grin on your face, they will ask what the hell you are doing pretty quickly, just say "don't worry about it just keep talking". Makes for a good laugh when you are drinking a beer later with them.

 

[flylike44]

if you have a full flight, tell the fa that you're a little on the heavy side and the plane's going to need a little help to get off the ground. ask her to make an announcement asking all pax to open their air gaspers and point them aft to give you that last bit of thrust you need to get going. priceless.

 

[piav8r]

Got Jokes?

Coming into Appleton, WI last week I called in range to Ops. They acknowledged and asked if we were in need of a prop wash... Not wanting to be "duped" I called back and said no but we could use about 300 feet of flight line.

Ops comes back and says ok but they'd heard we really needed a prop wash.... So the Captain gets on and asks if there was someone down there that would like to give us one. They say yes...

Anyway we land and the ramper gets on board to give us our paperwork and tells us they have a trainee talked into giving us a prop wash. So he enlists the Captain to really play it up on his post flight. So the Captain and I do the post flight and as she walks up the Captain starts telling her about this vibration we were getting from the right side and to really concentrate on the trailing edges of the props.

Anyway, this poor female rampie has gloves on and what looks like windshield washer fluid and proceeds to wash both props from hub to tip during our turn. Meanwhile the captain and I are on the flight deck laughing our a$$es off.

They finally told her what was going on about the time we were turning #1 for departure. Funniest thing I've see so far!

 

[Mario]

A captain I flew with a few months back recommended this one. Try to find an IOE checklist or folder that your company uses. When you start a new trip, after takeoff hand the CA the checklist and say your last checkairman said you should only need one more flight.

 

[acaTerry]

I can't believe nobody has posted the Brain Wave Detector yet!

 

[Rez O. Lewshun]

this one time at band camp..............

 

[WalterSobchak]

I found this a couple weeks ago... on the ASA CRJ with ACARS somewhere buried in the menus you can find a "TEST CHIME" button and it will set off the SELCAL (those of you who've heard it in cruise know how loud that is!). Good for dozing off crewmembers.

I have a couple related to the screaming SELCAL...but I could never divulge those secrets here.

 

[Midnight Flyer]

For you current or prior 727 pilots, remember the map lights? Turn the intensity down to a "glow" and point them up towards the eyebrow windows, as if it's a telescope looking outside. Call up one of the f/a's (pre 911 days) and tell her it's a telescope and to look at the moon. As she's "enjoying the moon", you are enjoying her cleavage in your face.