Flight Crew Practical Jokes

[Salukipilot4590]

Also for anybody that still flies the old Emb-120 Brasilia. The main door sometimes needs hydraulic power to raise. Tell the FA that the door actuator is stuck and to jump up and down to do dislodge it. Right when she jumps turn on the the hydraulics and tada the door closes!

That same thing will work in the 145 with stairs!

 

[pilot772]

Just prior to crossing the numbers, reach for the gear and ask the flying pilot if he would like the gear down!

Ah man Bling you stole mine!

how bout if the FO is dozing off in cruise, click off the auto pilot, that will keep them awake for the rest of the day.

or a brand new FA, and the split is 22/22 and tell her/him that we need them evenly distributed. The look on their face is usually priceless.

 

[asayankee]

On the CRJ, if you put just a little bit of pressure on the bottom of the yoke with your knee for about 15-20 seconds, the A/P will kick off for being "untrimmed". Checklists will tell you if it persists (which it will because you keep doing it!), that the autopilot is considered disabled and you have to hand-fly. I've done that to a couple of captains that have pissed me off.

 

[TOOL CRIB]

I found this a couple weeks ago... on the ASA CRJ with ACARS somewhere buried in the menus you can find a "TEST CHIME" button and it will set off the SELCAL (those of you who've heard it in cruise know how loud that is!). Good for dozing off crewmembers.

 

[A-V-8]

Had a captain trip the fire test switch in the CRJ 200 while I was crossing the numbers one night. That was funny to me when we got to the gate. He laughed all of the way there.

 

[dash8driver]

on the dash i used to use the stick shaker test switch to wake up dozing FOs.

also if you act like you're stretching you can hit the fire detect test switch without them knowing.

when there is a full load, telling the FA "we have to move 3 people to the aft for w&b".

 

[COOPERVANE]

Tell the FA the gear is stuck and wont come down unless she stomps up and down on row 12 on the CRJ. PM watches through the peephole and as soon as she starts hopping, drop the gear!!

Tell the pax on your PA that the FA is the author of the article "wines of the Sonoma valley" or "skiing in Telluride" on page 64 of the SKY magazine.

An old captain told me back in his E-120 days before locked doors, he told a FA that when she heard the chime, her job was to come forward and pull down this little handle thingy because the pilots were too busy to do it. This went on the whole month. Supposedly they never fessed up, and had to see the chief a week later because she did it to a crew the next week. WHOA!!WHOA!!!WHOA!!! what are you doing???

Call up a new FA on the ground and ask her if she's ever seen 50 woodpeckers peck at the same time. Make sure she is seated and facing the pax and then tap the brakes firmly. Gets a laugh every time.

 

[jetracer5]

Call up a new FA on the ground and ask her if she's ever seen 50 woodpeckers peck at the same time. Make sure she is seated and facing the pax and then tap the brakes firmly. Gets a laugh every time.

Thats awesome! I'm doing that tomorrow

 

[Headfake14]

On the ATR (again)...the lav toilet faces fwd just like the pax seats...and it's in the back next to the galley.

So

I was flying with Jenny and Stephanie (ASAers should know them...usually ALWAYS on the ATR in the old days). I call back during taxi for whatever reason and Steph said Jen was in the lav...I said "for how long now"...she said about a mintue. Ah..perfect timing. I pumped the brakes firmly. hehe. As she was...um..."squating", she lunged fwd and hit the door with her head and it popped open.

All I can say is, thank god for the locked armoured door.

Mmm...good ole days

 

[Limeyflyer]

On the Saab, if a crew member is in the lav, slide the F/O's seat forward give a good hit on the wall behind the seat, and the toliet lid will fall down and pant legs will get wet. My F/O tried this on me the other day but he also included turning off the external power to make it pitch black in that little coffin lav.

 

[thinairupthere]

The old,, " Lav over pressurized " caution, where we made the FA go in the back and sit on the toilet and flush several times and the call us to see if that worked, of course it didn't so we told her to hold open the flapper and flush several times to "equalize the pressure"

the dead silence on the phone was enough. But then she called back in a few minutes to see if that worked!

 

[Jack Mehoff]

Good for new FA,

When you are not using a jetway here is a good one. Tell the FA that Ramp tower yelled at you for not using your turn signals on the taxi in. Ask her to go stand in front of the plane and give you a thumbs up when she sees the "right or left blinker". Just flip on and off the left or right wing landing lights real fast.
:beer:

 

[BLing]

Ah man Bling you stole mine!

I did learn that one from you so I will give you the credit. I asked GV one day

 

[BLing]

On the Saab, if a crew member is in the lav, slide the F/O's seat forward give a good hit on the wall behind the seat, and the toliet lid will fall down and pant legs will get wet. My F/O tried this on me the other day but he also included turning off the external power to make it pitch black in that little coffin lav.

Everytime the CA goes to the lav in the CRJ, I casually step on the rudder a few times

 

[Blucher]

Everytime the CA goes to the lav in the CRJ, I casually step on the rudder a few times

I'm sure he/she would appreciate that if they were constipated. Although Dutch roll is fun in the sim, it really sucks in the real airplane.

-Blucher

 

[samballs]

I have seen the old posts about jokes played on flight crews. Does anyone have any new ones? They are usually entertaining.

I told my family I flew for an airline. My mom got on the plane I flew, and called me a liar. Almost got her, but se was too smart. Damn Regionals.

 

[temcgrew]

Announce that once a month the FAA needs all of the flight attendant call buttons tested and if everyone could please push them, sally will come by and extinguish them.

Please tell all of the flight attendants that the 90 year old captain joke is getting old.

 

[samballs]

Announce that once a month the FAA needs all of the flight attendant call buttons tested and if everyone could please push them, sally will come by and extinguish them.

Please tell all of the flight attendants that the 90 year old captain joke is getting old.

They think its funny, ufortunately because all flight atts are pushing their 90's

 

[414Flyer]

I hear testing the fire bell while keying up on the radio, during someone elses takeoff roll, is a hoot.

 

[Limeyflyer]

414 That Avatar is Great