Diarrhea in a freighter?

[Way2Broke]

You mean Captain Poopie Pants from Corpex..... That is exactly why you never ever ever eat at the cafeteria in STL. Care to share that one Belch?

And yes... you are one sick puppy.

 

[belchfire]

You mean Captain Poopie Pants from Corpex..... That is exactly why you never ever ever eat at the cafeteria in STL. Care to share that one Belch?

And yes... you are one sick puppy.

Why thank you!

Well, I dunno, it wasn't a freighter...hehehe...and the only thing that ever bothered me about the employee cafeteria was the lack of service and that every day was fry-day. Except spaghetti day, when the substantially overcooked noodles were saturated in industrial strength imitation butter flavored oily goo...though eating there would probably prevent fecal impaction!

In fact, depending on what was served and the fortitude of the diner's digestive tract it was a crap shoot as to if a laxitive or plugative was required!

 

[CopilotDoug]

You mean Captain Poopie Pants from Corpex...

Then the stories we were told in groundschool ARE true!

***Stories told by GroundSchool Instructors no-less!

 

[lowtimedriver]

vsf..... that was the best story and great word choices at the end... let me tell you that I had tears in my eyes by the end.

Me too. That was hilarious.

 

[belchfire]

Then the stories we were told in groundschool ARE true!

***Stories told by GroundSchool Instructors no-less!

I can only do this because my friends at RegionsAir need a laugh since they are all sitting at home drinking beer and wondering "what next". They of all of us need a laugh!

Oh, okay...it wasn't a freighter though...and yeah though the legend may have grown over the years...I got it from the poor chap's FO when I was paired with him a month or two later.

I belive it was in N921AE Operated by Regions Air (then Corporate Airlines) as American Connection Flight 5923 on a lovely fall afternoon in the midwest, a passenger flight enroute to MWA from STL-about 45 minutes of block time...there is no lav in the jball and dang little room to do anything like hold up a plastic bag. My understanding is that there was so little warning of the impending disaster that any attempts that could have been made would have been wasted.

I don't know if it was the Shrimp Creole from the employee cafeteria or not, as we crapexers had oh so many unsavory dining experiences to choose from but somewhere about ten minutes out of Marion, IL...

The Captain, in what must have been the most excrutiatingly embarrasing moment of his life lost the race with the brown liquid luge team and they escaped in a frenzy of gurgling, frothy, stinking filth which stained-nay I am told not only stained but saturating his shorts, uniform slacks and those wonderful, fuzzy sheepskin covered Jetstream seat cushons to such an extent that he was sitting in a veritable fecal jaccuzi!

Complete and total explosive failure of the air-******************** seperator!

I don't know if the O2 masks and smoke goggles were used but they were able to grease the airplane onto the runway and squirt right over to the ramp. After the mortified, gagging passengers (another luxury the jball lacks is a cockpit door) were deplaned said Captain asked the FO to bring his suitcase in and then in probably one of the most brave actions one so humbled could make squished across the ramp and through the terminal in broad daylight to the loo...which I am given to understand he proceeded to destroy.

After the fits of intestinal distress had subsided he made the best of a valiant effort to clean himself and put on a fresh uniform. He intended to make the return to STL you see.

I think the reeking, wet, spongy seat cushon was placed in a green garbage bag and put back in the left seat but I am not sure...

What I do know is that freshly attired the Captain had the aircraft boarded with the STL bound people, the door was closed, the checklist run, the right prop was cleared and our hero reached for the "select" button when he was assaulted anew.

There was no doubt in his mind this time! He had lost once today! In a flash he was loosed from his harness and in a streak of "sharkskin blue" TWA style slacks was halfway to the terminal before the airstair had locked down!

He made it! (Though I was never sure that the restroom was ever quite the same in the terminal in MWA - it had a funky air about it!)

Then he wisely called in sick...

But the story ends not here.

You see, it was nearly Halloween and one of the MX chaps had a small child and a sense of humor that we must pay homage to...

He liberated a disposable diaper, softened a mini snickers bar in the microwave and smeared it on the receiving side of the diaper, fashoned a sign that read "Found in 921, will the owner please remove" and placed it on the corkboard in the crewroom!

Our hero was not amused...

We all about shat ourselves over that!

So there is the story of Captain Poopy Pants...and a legend that will outlive many of our airlines!

 

[pgcfii2002]

Diarreah...cha cha cha!!!

 

[JohnnyP]

.......

Out flying with another pilot, in the middle east, or the heart of asia, whatever you want to call it.

Its middle of January, temps are way into the negatives. We land at some out of the way, god forsaken airport. The lav has been removed from our plane, and the guy is trembling. The "street meat" we had for lunch isnt agreeing. He forgot the golden rule out here of bringing your own toilet paper.

In the non-heated terminal bathroom, the toilets are, well, just holes into a pit with foot pads next to them, no dividers, no nothing. The smell is undescribable, it takes your breath away. So poor guy has to "go local" and assume the position on a foot pad hole. No toilet paper in sight, no, these people use hoses and spray them selves with freezing cold water. Well, when in rome, so time to hose down. Nothing like taking a dump into a pit while squatting, then hosing your a** off with ice cold water when its -23C outside, all while the passengers are watching one of their pilots do this.

I think I would have s*** in my pants, or under the wing, but thats just me.

 

[pgcfii2002]

Another gem.

Myself and another CFI flying a 172 from College Station, TX to MO. Ate at a mongolian BBQ in TX. Over southern OK at about 2 a.m. and the other guy is clenching for all he's worth trying to make TUL. I am compassionately laughing my A$$ off.

Finally he grabs the yoke and points at a lighted runway in the middle of nowhere directly below us. Screaming descent, lands, stops in about 400 ft and bails out with the engine running. Takes a dump on the runway, removes his t-shirt to wipe up, and hops back in. Off we go!

I still have no idea what airport that was.

PIPE

GOOD ONE!!!!!!!!!

 

[belchfire]

Out flying with another pilot, in the middle east, or the heart of asia, whatever you want to call it.

Its middle of January, temps are way into the negatives. We land at some out of the way, god forsaken airport. The lav has been removed from our plane, and the guy is trembling. The "street meat" we had for lunch isnt agreeing. He forgot the golden rule out here of bringing your own toilet paper.

In the non-heated terminal bathroom, the toilets are, well, just holes into a pit with foot pads next to them, no dividers, no nothing. The smell is undescribable, it takes your breath away. So poor guy has to "go local" and assume the position on a foot pad hole. No toilet paper in sight, no, these people use hoses and spray them selves with freezing cold water. Well, when in rome, so time to hose down. Nothing like taking a dump into a pit while squatting, then hosing your a** off with ice cold water when its -23C outside, all while the passengers are watching one of their pilots do this.

I think I would have s*** in my pants, or under the wing, but thats just me.

Sounds like Kwinihawk, AK...you know it's cold when you take the toilet seat inside so it won't freeze to your arse when you need it!

 

[pgcfii2002]

This sh*t is funny!!!