Some more oldies but goodies
Heard over the northern tier of this country somewhere...
ZMP: "Northwest 345 Heavy turn right 30 degrees for noise abatement."
NWA 345 Heavy - cruising comfortably at FL390: "Right 30 degrees for NOISE ABATEMENT? Sir, are you aware that we're at FL390?"
ZMP: "Affirmative sir. Out in front of you there's a 747 who's also at FL 390. You're on a collision course with him. Do you have any idea how noisy it'll be if you hit him?"
Heard on Chicago approach a number of years ago...
Appr: "American 678 Heavy, traffic at ten o'clock and six miles is a heavy C-5, level at nine thousand."
AA 678 Heavy: "Roger, looking."
Appr: "Reach 56 Heavy, traffic is two o'clock and five miles, a heavy DC-10 descending through your altitude. Lower when clear."
Reach 56 Heavy: "Roger, we have the DC-10 in sight."
Then, a moment later -
Reach 56 Heavy: "Say American, what does that does that little DC-10 gross out at?"
AA 678 Heavy (without missing a beat): "About 200K a year. Any more questions?"
Heard somewhere in the friendly skies
Controller: "UA 932 descend and maintain FL290."
UA 932: "Yes ma'am down to FL 290. Was that pilot's discretion?"
Controller: "If I had meant pilot's discretion, I would have SAID pilot's discretion."
UA 932: "We're we ever married?"
Heard at OAK a number of years ago
Controller: "Academy 23, if you wish to do 360s on final, you MUST inform the tower."
Heard in the Early 70s on SFO Clearance Delivery
Unknown aircraft keys up and mike remains open. Preflight checks can be heard, as if in a tin can just slightly behind the 400 HZ whine often accompanying transmissions from large airliners. A discussion ensues between two speakers, one of whom is experiencing a problem now correctable with a little blue pill.
After several minutes of this the mike goes dead. Several seconds pass without extraneous comment. Then the mike opens again - This time with a clear voice in front of the 400 Hz whine -
Pan Am 644 Heavy: "Pan Am 644 Heavy to Haneda with information Alpha"
Unknown Voice (instantly): "Sorry about your di_k, man."
Heard at some random location and time
Controller: American 345 reduce speed to 170 knots or less."
American 345: "Sir, do you have any idea what the stall speed of this thing is?"
Controller: " No sir, I don't. You might ask your FO. He probably does."
Heard at SFO shortly after WestAir began operating Shorts 360s.
Wescom 344: "Ground, Wescom 344 taxi with Alpha."
SFO Ground: "Wescom 344 taxi runway 1L - inner, foxtrot, outer."
Wescom 344: "Roger, inner fox, outer to 1L."
SFO Ground: "What kind of airplane is that?"
Wescom 344: "It's a Shorts 360, sir."
SFO Ground: "Gee, that's real nice. You build that yourself?"
Wescom 344: "Nope, it's just the box that Bandits came packed in."
Heard on Bay Approach (back when it was Bay Approach)
Bay: "Northwest 987, traffic to follow is 10 o'clock and seven miles, a Shorts 360 for 28L."
Northwest 987: "Roger, traffic in sight."
Bay: "Roger Northwest 987, additional traffic is another shorts 360 pulling up along side the first one on a visual to the right. You're cleared visual approach runway 28L follow the Shorts for the left runway and contact tower at BRIJJ 120.5"
Northwest 987: "Roger, we'll follow the pair 'o' shorts on final. Cleared visual 28L. Tower at BRIJJ"
Also heard on Bay Approach a number of years ago just after NWA switched to the bold red blue and grey paint scheme they're just moving out of now
Bay: "United 456 traffic to follow is a heavy 747 at 10 o'clock and seven miles - Northwest type. Report that traffic in sight for the visual approach."
UA 456: "Roger, we have the bowling shoe in sight."
TIS
