Best Wise guy radio call?

[SharkBait]

Heard this over the radio a few years back as Boeing was going out on a test flight:

PAE clearance: Boeing XXX you're cleared to the Grant County Airport via the Paine 2 depature then as filed. Climb and maintain 10000, Departure freq. 128.5, squak XXXX.

Boeing XXX: Uhhhhh, we don't have the Paine 2 departure, can we just get vectors?

Clnc: L E T M E R E A D I T T O Y O U, FLY RUNWAY HEADING, EXPECT VECTORS...

 

[TIS]

And another one...

Heard on SFO tower...
SFO Tower: "UA 765, you gonna be able to get down from there?"

UA 765: "Sure! Ain't never left one of these things up here yet!"

 

[OPECJet]

A Dash taxiing up to the hold line at CLT the other day was told to follow an Air Shuttle ERJ, to which he replied "we'll follow the jungle jet". The Mesa guys replied with the standard "Props are for boats". Not to be outdone, the Dash guy replied "contracts are for pilots".

 

[User546]

I overheard this on the Approach frequency about a year ago over Phoenix at 3:00am. Pan Am is the call sign for the Pan Am Flight Academy planes based in Phoenix.

Pan Am: Phoenix Approach, Pan Am 29, 12 miles to the north, would like to request the Falcon GPS approach, with information Alpha.

-silence over radio-

Pan Am: (Repeats Previous Callup)

-silence over radio again-

Pan Am: Phoenix Approach, Pan Am 29, can you hear this transmission?

Approach: (Sounding Confused) Pan Am 29, hear you loud and clear, what are you doing out this time of night shooting practice approaches?

Pan Am: I think I p*ssed off one of the schedulers!

 

[SuperPilot]

Heard earlier this year somewhere up in the northeast:

UAL: (male voice) "Hey approach, United xxx, you got any shortcuts tonight?"

App: "United xxx cleared direct BIGGO intersection"

UAL: (female voice now) "Roger, cleared to the Big "O"! United xxx."

 

[Chairman]

United: Center chop here at 330 any better rides higher.

American: Center moderate chop up here at 370 and better rides lower.

Delta: Center chop here at 350 any ride reports

Citation: Center smooth up here at 470.

Voice unknown. Well how is the pay at 470

 

[jetdriven]

heard this one in DEN the other day


Ground: "United XXX I been trying to call you."

UALXXX: "Yeah, sorry 'bout that, I got kicked out of the 3rd grade for not shaving..."


the other day I just landed on 13R in DFW. Long taxi across the airport and I was holding short of 18L for the B-gates.
We must have waited ten minutes or more, and I couldnt stand it any longer.

Air midwest 2500: "tower, are we going to get to cross 18L anytime soon or do we need to shut down here and wait for you to call"

DFW tower: "Air Midwest, uhh...... hold short."

Unidentified voice: "You're gonna get it now!"

 

[Flyin Tony]

This happen to me the other day
ME: Fullerton tower Comanche 8389P left downwind
TOWER: Last caller whats your name
ME: Tony why
TOWER: Not your name, the airplanes name

There was about 5 people in the pattern,kinda made me feel dumb

 

[gear_guy]

I was flying with one of our old country boy captains the other day and we had just dipped our left wing into a cloud. Half our airplane was in the soup.

ATL ctr: Citation NXXXX, traffic 3 o'clock 2 miles.

NXXXX: We're lookin for em out our right eye.

ATL ctr: What's wrong with your left eye?

NXXXX: It's IMC.

ATL ctr: Say again???

NXXXX: Uhhhh, I had my tongue wrapped around my eye tooth and could'nt
talk my way out.

ATL ctr: What???

NXXXX: (as I took the mic to repond) Roger, we're looking for the traffic.


Also had a freighter lear jet entrail of a citation one day. The lear was asked to slow for the Citation entrail into DFW. The lear responded, "yes sir, we'll slow this hot rod down for that slowtation." After a few seconds later the Citation captain came over the freq in a low slow voice and said, "we're a ten." Did'nt hear another word from the lear boys.

One day a Delta captain came on freq and told everyone he was turning on the seat belt sign and everyone should remain seated. Without skippin a beat, every plane on freq came on and said, "I'm in my seat." After about ten aircraft responded the controller came on and said, " I wish he'd turn the dang thang off so I could take a break, I've gotta pee like a race horse." The Delta captain responded, "very funny guys!"

 

[FO 4 Life]

ORD APP : Delta 123 how was your ride down final?

DAL 123 : Not very good, the captain was hand flying.

~~~~

UAL (female voice): Indy center, UAL 123, any chance of a shortcut?

Unknown (male voice) : Honey, you've had a shortcut your whole life.

~~~~~

DFW tower : Eagle, watch out for a coyote reported 17C and WJ.

Eagle : Roger, we've called catering.

~~~~~

On a flight from MSP to SEA

CTR: Ryan 608, you're leading the pack tonight. What can you give me?

Ryn 608: What do you need?

CTR : How about warp 3?

Ryn : We can do that.

CTR : I love to watch you guys wind out that 72.