You won't believe what I heard on ATC Frequency

[Ralph Cramden]

My all time favorite was years ago, inbound to IAD back when it was an "Airport Radar Service Area" airspace. It's 5PM, airliners all over the place, very busy on approach when we all hear: "Dulles approach, this is cessna 12345, I'm in a red & white 152, my grandmother's name is Ethyl, yada, yada". In esasperation at the 2 minute checkin, the female controller regains her list of vectors, "united 123 turn 240, american 345 climb to 10, call center" for about a minute. Finally she calls the cessna in a stern voice and says "cessna 123, we're real busy right now, what do you want?" The cessna driver stammers "Uh, Uh, I'd like to penetrate your ARSA!" In her now sexy voice the controller responds "Ok big boy, I'm ready for you!" (he never called back)

I was laughing so hard I had to give control to my FO for the remainder of the landing...

The funiest part is I knew the controller. She went by the name Dottie and was about 60 years old. At one time she was the only female ATC at IAD and there is/was a plaque on the ladies room door under the tower cab proclaiming "Dottie's potty".

 

[Jet_Driver]

Maybe you've heard this one

I heard this happened and has been confirmed by a few Captains. It was a busy day at ORD when the following dialogue was heard on ground:

ORD Ground: Lufthansa 438 Heavy, move up the line and keep it tight.

Lufthansa: Chicago, Lufthansa 438 Heavy, we are missing one of our passengers, we'll move when we find him.

before ORD ground could get out their normal shpeel......

Unidentified Airliner: Check the ovens.
(for those who might not get it, think back to Nazi Germany)

without missing a beat, Luthansa jumps on and says....

Lufthansa: Chicago Ground, we're not moving until we get an apology from who ever said that.

Delta 234: We didn't say it, but we're sorry.

American 456: We didn't say it either, but we're sorry. Can you move now?

 

[wmuflyguy]

Actually thanks to ICAO pilots from other countries are a bit more accomplished, they speak two languages!

Not Necessarily, I have afriend who teaches communications at Air France he told me many pilots from other countries can speak only "aviation english (just operational phrases)" and are not fluent.

That isn't to say a decent amount could also be fluent in english and i imagine it is no easy task to learn a new language and concentrate on flying.

 

[wmudriver]

Try flying in Mexico...

Not Necessarily, I have afriend who teaches communications at Air France he told me many pilots from other countries can speak only "aviation english (just operational phrases)" and are not fluent. QUOTE]

Just fly south of the border and 95% of the controllers speak "spanglish". Its awful to listen to. Then on top of that, their transmittion equipment is probably a tin cup with a string attached to it to make their "english" even more garbled. I heard its like that down in the Carribean too.

 

[EagleRJ]

The Continental Express pilot who did his whole 5-minute enroute PA on 121.5 last week near Chicago was mildly entertaining!

 

[787]

Used to work ops at a small midwest airport. Without fail, Someone would forget to change to clearance and ask for it on the Ops freq.

XXX: Clearance 3768 IFR to MSP with tango.

Ops(Ahh, HA!): 3768 got a full route clearance for you...advise ready.

XXX: Go Ahead.

Ops: Now cleared to the HNL airport via...Ahola 2 transition and the grass skirt 5 arrival...maintain 3000...

XXX: Hummm...we're not going to HNL

Ops: And this isn't clearance, ha ha.

 

[FurloughedAgain]

West of Pensy heading towards Belair...

Cleveland Center: "Southwest 123 say your Mach?"

SWA: "Doin' about .78"

Cleveland Center: "USAir 123 say YOUR Mach?"

USAir, " We're .74"

Cleveland Center, "USAir can you increase to .78?"

USAir, "Negative."

Cleveland Center: "Is that an operational restriction sir?"

USAir, (in his best Piedmont accent): "No sir. Thats a moral restriction."

Cleveland Center: "A moral restriction?"

USAir, "Yep -- I ain't burning more gas just so Southwest can be on time."

Cleveland Center: (laughing) "Fair enough, Southwest slow to .74 for in-trail spacing"

 

[Ralph Cramden]

I heard this happened and has been confirmed by a few Captains. It was a busy day at ORD when the following dialogue was heard on ground:

ORD Ground: Lufthansa 438 Heavy, move up the line and keep it tight.

Lufthansa: Chicago, Lufthansa 438 Heavy, we are missing one of our passengers, we'll move when we find him.

before ORD ground could get out their normal shpeel......

Unidentified Airliner: Check the ovens.
(for those who might not get it, think back to Nazi Germany)

without missing a beat, Luthansa jumps on and says....

Lufthansa: Chicago Ground, we're not moving until we get an apology from who ever said that.

Delta 234: We didn't say it, but we're sorry.

American 456: We didn't say it either, but we're sorry. Can you move now?

Yup, it really happened. Back in the early 80s as I recall and I was on the frequency and heard the whole thing just as you described. The Lufthansa Capt was really pissed and tied up the outer (Bravo now) for quite a while. I can't confirm it but later heard this made it all the way to an international incident with the state department getting involved.

Another ORD funny:

Friday nite, t storm just SW of ORD, lots of planes lined up waiting to depart 22L. Female ground controller with very garbled mike is trying to give updates and keep the line tight. Numerous "say again" responses is all she gets in reply. In fustration she calls the head of the line and says "United 123, my transmission fuzzy?"

A voice from nowhere replies "I don't know honey, how old are you?"

About a full minute of absolute silence on ground, followed my a male controller saying "I don't know what you guys said to her, but we had to drag her out of here screaming & kicking. OK, when the storm clears we're gonna launch the south bounders on a 180 heading, so the following flights start crankin 'em up, here's the batting order....."

I miss ORD, it was such a pleasure to chat with the controllers there...

 

[Wasted]

Yup, it really happened. Back in the early 80s as I recall and I was on the frequency and heard the whole thing just as you described. The Lufthansa Capt was really pissed and tied up the outer (Bravo now) for quite a while. I can't confirm it but later heard this made it all the way to an international incident with the state department getting involved.

Was it Washington complaining about the traffic tie up, or Bonn complaining about the oven comment?

 

[Wacko]

Heard on the radio Indy Center asking Southwest to expedite thier descent.
Southwest: Any faster and we'd be coming down like a Bonanza full of Doctors!