You won't believe what I heard on ATC Frequency

[miles otoole]

Not maybe, I know for sure, I'm hispanic and I think you talk funny, but what I'm saying is that I haven't heard any pilot or controler making fun of the americans on mexican airspace.

What do you call a Mexican who marries your daughter? A Spaniard.

 

[front9]

SFO APP: Japan Air 61 Heavy verify you have information Hotel

JAL 61: Rojar, we going stay at ahhh... Holiday Inn

SFO APP: no sir, Japan Air 61 do...you...have...information...HOTEL

JAL 61: ahhh...yes sir, we have hotel phone number.... thank you...

SFO APP: .............

SFO APP: Japan Air 61(slight chuckle) contact tower 120.5 we'll see ya

 

[Flechas]

What do you call a Mexican who marries your daughter? A Spaniard.

What do you call your daughter if she marries a Mexican?

 

[front9]

what?

 

[FlyChicaga]

Qu'appelez-vous une colle française incendiaire?

 

[FlyChicaga]

Fromage, Saucisse, qui s'inquiète. Vous êtes les deux imbéciles.

Dites-moi mon ami français, combien de moteurs cet avion à vous a-t-il ?

 

[Flechas]

Fromage, Saucisse, qui s'inquiète. Vous êtes les deux imbéciles.

Hope it didn't take you this long to figure that out Matt....

 

[Metro752]

I knew Chicaga was a frenchman. That fancy education

 

[westwind driver]

This one is NOT a bash on the airlines....

Me: "Atlanta center, PartnerJet 293 thru FL210 climbing FL230, how's the ride climbing out ahead?"

ATC: "PartnerJet 293 Atlanta Center roger. C/m FL360 direct IGB, and as for the ride only the Delta's are complaining, so I'd take an educated guess and say it's smooth."

I couldn't believe it when I heard it.

Another one I heard the other day:

AAL123: "Jax center American 123 (forget actual flight #) checking in FL390, we're smooth."

ATC: "American 123, Jax center roger. Understand your flight conditions are smooth?"

AAL123: "Uh negative, I said WE, WE are smooth.

ATC: "Oh boy (laughter in the background) God help us.


It made me laugh... Obviously American was having a good time and was enjoying himself

 

[Q400 Gear Bitch]

A capt told me this one. I wasnt there...but I got a chuckle out of it.

They were in seattle waiting to blast off. The airport was down to one runway for whatever reason....so there was a bit of a backup for takeoff. So they're sitting there waiting. United checks on. Cleared to land. Launch Southwest. Delta checks on. Cleared to land. yadda yadda. The frequency breaks and this high pitched female voice announces "Seattle Tower, regional 123 over the mall for 34R". Now you know the type of voice. You can picture the girl. Probably 5 foot nothing. maybe 98 pounds soaking wet. And the voice to prove it. Tower clears her to land. A few seconds later someone pipes up on frequency..sounding very much like the tower; but with the tell tale cockpit humm in the background.

" Regional 123 be advized that it appears that you have a massive helium leak in the cockpit. You might want to check that out on the ground. "

I guess the tower guys were laughing so hard that he keyed the mike to say something...only to be replace by laughter in the background.

 

[Ralph Cramden]

My all time favorite was years ago, inbound to IAD back when it was an "Airport Radar Service Area" airspace. It's 5PM, airliners all over the place, very busy on approach when we all hear: "Dulles approach, this is cessna 12345, I'm in a red & white 152, my grandmother's name is Ethyl, yada, yada". In esasperation at the 2 minute checkin, the female controller regains her list of vectors, "united 123 turn 240, american 345 climb to 10, call center" for about a minute. Finally she calls the cessna in a stern voice and says "cessna 123, we're real busy right now, what do you want?" The cessna driver stammers "Uh, Uh, I'd like to penetrate your ARSA!" In her now sexy voice the controller responds "Ok big boy, I'm ready for you!" (he never called back)

I was laughing so hard I had to give control to my FO for the remainder of the landing...

The funiest part is I knew the controller. She went by the name Dottie and was about 60 years old. At one time she was the only female ATC at IAD and there is/was a plaque on the ladies room door under the tower cab proclaiming "Dottie's potty".

 

[Jet_Driver]

Maybe you've heard this one

I heard this happened and has been confirmed by a few Captains. It was a busy day at ORD when the following dialogue was heard on ground:

ORD Ground: Lufthansa 438 Heavy, move up the line and keep it tight.

Lufthansa: Chicago, Lufthansa 438 Heavy, we are missing one of our passengers, we'll move when we find him.

before ORD ground could get out their normal shpeel......

Unidentified Airliner: Check the ovens.
(for those who might not get it, think back to Nazi Germany)

without missing a beat, Luthansa jumps on and says....

Lufthansa: Chicago Ground, we're not moving until we get an apology from who ever said that.

Delta 234: We didn't say it, but we're sorry.

American 456: We didn't say it either, but we're sorry. Can you move now?

 

[wmuflyguy]

Actually thanks to ICAO pilots from other countries are a bit more accomplished, they speak two languages!

Not Necessarily, I have afriend who teaches communications at Air France he told me many pilots from other countries can speak only "aviation english (just operational phrases)" and are not fluent.

That isn't to say a decent amount could also be fluent in english and i imagine it is no easy task to learn a new language and concentrate on flying.

 

[wmudriver]

Try flying in Mexico...

Not Necessarily, I have afriend who teaches communications at Air France he told me many pilots from other countries can speak only "aviation english (just operational phrases)" and are not fluent. QUOTE]

Just fly south of the border and 95% of the controllers speak "spanglish". Its awful to listen to. Then on top of that, their transmittion equipment is probably a tin cup with a string attached to it to make their "english" even more garbled. I heard its like that down in the Carribean too.

 

[EagleRJ]

The Continental Express pilot who did his whole 5-minute enroute PA on 121.5 last week near Chicago was mildly entertaining!