Two people in Aviation with Kids. Does it work?

[CHQFA00]

Husband is a pilot, I'm a FA. We just found out we're expecting. I'm sure there are thosands of people who have done this, but how do you make it work? We're thinking about moving to where the inlaws live (so we can have a babysitter), however, that will be a 2 leg offline commute for the both of us. It's either that, or I try to hire a nanny from the location where I'm at right now. Any advice? What have you done?

 

[capt. megadeth]

I'll let you know come June. I'm in the same boat as you are. My in laws live 5 minutes away so that takes some of the pressure off although we haven't officially asked them for help yet. If you want to chat, PM me, maybe we can exchange ideas. Good luck sista!

 

[bluefishbeagle]

Hope you are not both working for the same airline, all the eggs in one basket is not good.

However this dilemma proves one thing, aviation is an hereditary disease.

 

[satpak77]

it all comes down to

Who do I want to raise my kids? Me, or someone else (even if its the in-laws).

Period, end of story.

 

[Rez O. Lewshun]

it all comes down to

Who do I want to raise my kids? Me, or someone else (even if its the in-laws).

Period, end of story.

So very true... in addition.. it is also... what is more important... social recognition in the work place and more money... or being the best parent you can.....

Gotta watch that second income... it can get sucked away real quick by child care costs, etc....

Children want to be with Mom and Dad. Period. You'll get weak excuses like... we both work, but our time with our kids is quality time.....

 

[taysha]

Quit your job and raise your child. A child needs a parent to be home and not raised in day care or by in laws.

 

[satpak77]

Husband is a pilot, I'm a FA. We just found out we're expecting. I'm sure there are thosands of people who have done this, but how do you make it work? We're thinking about moving to where the inlaws live (so we can have a babysitter), however, that will be a 2 leg offline commute for the both of us. It's either that, or I try to hire a nanny from the location where I'm at right now. Any advice? What have you done?

Some observations

Your FA income is not something to trade rearing your kid for. For that matter, not many jobs are either. We all recognize in "the real world" sometimes it is necessary to keep two jobs, but its not like you are a LASIK surgeon and considering "quitting" to rear your kid. You are an FA. It is what it is, no disrespect.

With that said, how MUCH will it COST you to move closer to the in-laws, with the purpose that you keep your FA job?

You also stated you might hire a nanny. At what COST?

I argue flat out quitting your FA job, and not moving anywhere, AND raising your kid YOURSELF, is gonna be cheaper than keeping the job and moving, day care, nannys, etc etc.

Do the math.

 

[CHQFA00]

Here's my observation Satpak. Unlike YOUR job/airline, I can work one trip a month. I love how everyone on here is saying "Stay at home with your child, you need to raise it". Of course I need to raise it because I know that my husband will be gone 4 days a week, and that's really not raising a child, is it? I also ask you whether not your wife is happy being stuck at home day in and day out? I can give you a simple answer. No. BTW, do you even have children, or even married, or are you one of those Pilots that have a opinion about EVERYTHING and need to let everyone know?!?!

My point is, I'm not planning on doing a full time month with my airline. My plan was to work maybe one or two three day trips a month so I can get out of the house and still have my life while my husband is at home on his off days, and if not, find someone for a day or so a month to help me out.

And personally, I went on here to ask people that have been through this, you and most of the responders have not been through this. So if you reread my post, you will find that I'm asking people that are already in this sitution. If your not, WHY DON'T YOU get off the computer and go RAISE YOUR child instead of lecturing me?

 

[CHQFA00]

Nevermind, I give up, I knew I wouldn't find my answer here, what was I thinking? Someone who has actually been through this, please PM. Thanks.

 

[Rez O. Lewshun]

so I can get out of the house and still have my life while my husband is at home on his off days, and if not, find someone for a day or so a month to help me out.

Have you tried a puppy first... to see if you really want to do this whole child thing?


I don't get it? What is so horrible about being at home with children?

If you need to "get out and still have a life" then maybe you aren't ready for the responsibilty of parenting. And maybe you won't appreciate the joys of raising children, they are not assets to acquire in the "keeping up with the Jonses" race of our materialistic society...

Sometimes a person has to choose... If a woman can find a man who wants to be Mr. Mom then go for it....

 

[FlyUnited]

I did it CHQ by dropping trips, exactly as you mentioned. Pay NO attention to the men on this board trying to tell you what is best for YOU and YOUR baby.

To answer your question, we had an au pair for years and most of them we still stay in touch with after many years. We tried all the other ways (nanny, housekeeper, family, daycare) but found this the best situation for us. Congratulations!

 

[CHQFA00]

Have you tried a puppy first... to see if you really want to do this whole child thing?


I don't get it? What is so horrible about being at home with children?

If you need to "get out and still have a life" then maybe you aren't ready for the responsibilty of parenting. And maybe you won't appreciate the joys of raising children, they are not assets to acquire in the "keeping up with the Jonses" race of our materialistic society...

Sometimes a person has to choose... If a woman can find a man who wants to be Mr. Mom then go for it....

You just don't get it do you? You obviously work corporate, are not married and no children and have not a clue about a "major" airline. This has nothing to do with money. I don't work for CHQ anymore, and either does my husband. It's the fact that I love my job. And since I'm given the "Freedom" of only flying once a month, than why should I quit once I have kids? I'm not abandoning my child to be a zealous working 30 days in a row flight attendant for money. It's simply that I love my job, want to keep my senority so by the time there older, I can go back.

Jesus.. go raise your own damn kids, and don't tell me how to raise mine.

 

[taysha]

CHKFA00....you asked us what we thought and everyone responded...so we are answering your question not lecturing.

I have been there. I just had a child 1 year ago and left my career as an airline pilot.

A child should be raised by their parents and not a day care center. If your husband is a pilot, then you dont need to work wheather it is PT or FT.

Why you are asking the public what to do is beyond me. As a responsible adult, you should know you need to stay home with the child. If you dont want to stay home, then you should have never considered having children.

For what purpose, would you go work 2 or 3 trips a month? Your ego..certainly not the money as a F/A...especially of you work for Chataqua.

It is time you grew up and put your child first.

 

[FlyUnited]

Taysha has no idea what you wrote directly above hers. If she chooses to completely give up her life and play the martyr is no reason that you should do the same.

CHQ, it's really fun once in awhile to meet up with the hubby on a layover and have a great little vacation "ALONE" with him. Enjoy! fyi - your kids will learn that they aren't the center of the universe and you'll get some much needed time away occasionally. Worked for me.

 

[cynic]

A good rule of thumb is... if you would not leave a person with the keys to your car, your house and your ATM card with pin number, then you sure as heck should not leave your child with them.

For me, the list of folks that could have my car, house, ATM card and pin include:

Mom
Dad
Older sister (not my younger one

ummmmm, yeah thats it.

 

[highnpressurize]

Bottom line is that you have to do what you feel is right for you right now. Many many pilots on this site never thought they would bat an eye at walking out the front door for 12-20 days a month, only to find it to be agonizing once they got married, or even more so, had their first child. Some folks and their families do adjust however and cope just fine. Keep flying if you like, but don't be surprised if it's much more difficult than you thought to leave your baby for three or 5 days a month. If it works for you, then it may be worth it to move closer to family so that your child is always surrounded by people who love it. Whatever your decision, best of luck to you.

 

[capt. megadeth]

Here's what it is...

Say you believe your wife should stay at home with the kids and she agrees. Then, after years of nothing but kids kids kids and having no skills whatsoever, for whatever reason you get divorced. Are you going to b!tch about her taking you to the cleaners???? YES!!!! Because all men do. Well, WTF do you expect? You put someone or yourself in a situation where they are COMPLETELY 100% financially dependent on someone else. How are they supposed to get back to taking care of themselves financially? This is why a stay at home mom or dad needs a back up plan and/or a part time job or SOMETHING so they are not totally screwed when the money tit is gone.

Have you tried a puppy first... to see if you really want to do this whole child thing?


I don't get it? What is so horrible about being at home with children?

If you need to "get out and still have a life" then maybe you aren't ready for the responsibilty of parenting. And maybe you won't appreciate the joys of raising children, they are not assets to acquire in the "keeping up with the Jonses" race of our materialistic society...

Sometimes a person has to choose... If a woman can find a man who wants to be Mr. Mom then go for it....

 

[capt. megadeth]

You just don't get it do you? You obviously work corporate, are not married and no children and have not a clue about a "major" airline. This has nothing to do with money. I don't work for CHQ anymore, and either does my husband. It's the fact that I love my job. And since I'm given the "Freedom" of only flying once a month, than why should I quit once I have kids? I'm not abandoning my child to be a zealous working 30 days in a row flight attendant for money. It's simply that I love my job, want to keep my senority so by the time there older, I can go back.

Jesus.. go raise your own damn kids, and don't tell me how to raise mine.

Don't even bother. He thinks if mommy is not at home with kids 24/7, she is a terrible mother. Well, I just don't give a damn what this guy thinks. He thinks you have to drop your entire life when you have a baby. Of course there are sacrifices to be made but you don't have to end the rest of your life for Pete's sake. Don't even bother with him

Oh and, by the way, Rez, she didn't ask for your opinion, she asked "does it work". The answer is YES! I have talked to many many 2 pilot couples and I have yet to have one of them tell me that I or my fiancee need to quit our jobs. They make it work by opposite schedules and that way one parent is always home. Having grandma or grandpa watch the kid on overlapping days is great IMO....they get to spend time with their grandparents. I sure wish I had more time with mine when I was a kid.

 

[capt. megadeth]

LOL! Not lecturing???? I'd say that's all you are doing. (see bold) Once again, she asked if it works and how do people do it. She didn't ask about working mom vs. stay at home mom. Mind your own business with that crap, people. It's not up to you to decide.

You must have not made it far in aviation if you think just because her husband is a pilot, she doesn't need to work.

CHKFA00....you asked us what we thought and everyone responded...so we are answering your question not lecturing.

I have been there. I just had a child 1 year ago and left my career as an airline pilot.

A child should be raised by their parents and not a day care center. If your husband is a pilot, then you dont need to work wheather it is PT or FT.

Why you are asking the public what to do is beyond me. As a responsible adult, you should know you need to stay home with the child. If you dont want to stay home, then you should have never considered having children.

For what purpose, would you go work 2 or 3 trips a month? Your ego..certainly not the money as a F/A...especially of you work for Chataqua.

It is time you grew up and put your child first.

 

[Rez O. Lewshun]

You just don't get it do you? You obviously work corporate, are not married and no children and have not a clue about a "major" airline. This has nothing to do with money. I don't work for CHQ anymore, and either does my husband. It's the fact that I love my job. And since I'm given the "Freedom" of only flying once a month, than why should I quit once I have kids? I'm not abandoning my child to be a zealous working 30 days in a row flight attendant for money. It's simply that I love my job, want to keep my senority so by the time there older, I can go back.

Jesus.. go raise your own damn kids, and don't tell me how to raise mine.

Don't work corporate, happily married, two kids...

If you love your job, then love your job, but you can't love your job and love your kids at the same time...unless its bring your kid to work day...

The time they are older? What in 20 years? Just because teenagers can wipe and make thier own meals doesn't mean for you to go off on a trip. Teenagers need thier parents more than ever. I recent study showed that teens want to be with thier parents. Not on Xbox, not at the mall and not doing X at some rave party.

You don't get it.......

 

[capt. megadeth]

Rez, you're an idiot.

You can't love your kids and love your job? I guess you don't love your kids then because from what I understand, you are an active pilot. You need to quit your job today. C'mon, what's it gonna be macho man? The job or your kids.

Moron!

 

[CHQFA00]

Don't work corporate, happily married, two kids...

If you love your job, then love your job, but you can't love your job and love your kids at the same time...unless its bring your kid to work day...

The time they are older? What in 20 years? Just because teenagers can wipe and make thier own meals doesn't mean for you to go off on a trip. Teenagers need thier parents more than ever. I recent study showed that teens want to be with thier parents. Not on Xbox, not at the mall and not doing X at some rave party.

You don't get it.......

Than what your saying is that you hate your kids????? Go back to your "fixing ALPA", I'm sure your KIDS just LOVE you.

 

[CHQFA00]

Thanks for the positive (and real, been in the situation) feedback Megadeath, United and the ones that have PM me. What I find so interesting is some of the people that get on here that have the "Do as I say, not as I do" attitude. This is 2007 not 1957.

And the ones that are telling me to stay home, I'm sure if I talked to your wife, she would tell me she hates you, is on the verge of hating the kids and is on the next step to the looney bin because she hasn't been out of the house and wish she could leave you and your "I love me and can do no wrong attitude" on the side of the curb.

 

[Black Hawk]

Is life on the road with an airline really worth giving up raising your child for?

 

[Rez O. Lewshun]

. Then, after years of nothing but kids kids kids and having no skills whatsoever, .

Some people live thier lives so this isn't an issue. Its like trying to justify flying into a T-storm. Well how about you don't do it...

Now that isn't to say that it would never happen. But you people that try and max out your lives with two jobs, kids, etc.... seem to be pushing the envolope. You already set yourself up with statements like, "I need to get out and have a life, get a break from the kids..."

Many parents don't need a break from thier kids. They want to be around them everyday. Sure they get annoyed and fustrated, but they don't need an escape for four days a couple times a month...

And that is the point... if you aren;t prepared to be with your kids for 24/7 then maybe you shouldn't have them.... if you need an escape from the four walls and two kids then maybe you shouldn't

You want to look at me? and say I hate my kids cause I go on a four day trip? Tell me how to pay the house note with zero income and I'll listen...

With over 50% divorce rate and our kids on behavior modifying drugs we have a problem in our culture... we are neglecting our children...

Why do I care.. cause my child will sit next to yours in school while he's popping ritalin so he's won't be so pissed off cause you aren't around as much as you need to be.... all while he's dragging the whole class down with his behavior....

 

[Rez O. Lewshun]

Thanks for the positive (and real, been in the situation) feedback Megadeath, United and the ones that have PM me. What I find so interesting is some of the people that get on here that have the "Do as I say, not as I do" attitude. This is 2007 not 1957.

The divorce rate was 50% and kids on behavior mod drugs in 1957? I am not saying we should go back to Rob and Laura...not at all.... but address the divorce rate and drugs...

And the ones that are telling me to stay home, I'm sure if I talked to your wife, she would tell me she hates you, is on the verge of hating the kids and is on the next step to the looney bin because she hasn't been out of the house and wish she could leave you and your "I love me and can do no wrong attitude" on the side of the curb.

Right... my wife must think like you and thus she hates me.... that is real deep....

 

[Rez O. Lewshun]

.

You can't love your kids and love your job?!

You can love you kids as much as you want or say...but what they believe is another story... the fact is you have to be around to love them...for them to feel loved..to be loved... the more you are gone the less you can do that.. and yes that applies to me.. that is why I don't play musical parents with my kids... I am not willing for both parents to be working....

 

[capt. megadeth]

And the ones that are telling me to stay home, I'm sure if I talked to your wife, she would tell me she hates you, is on the verge of hating the kids and is on the next step to the looney bin because she hasn't been out of the house and wish she could leave you and your "I love me and can do no wrong attitude" on the side of the curb.

But she can't because she would be broke!

 

[capt. megadeth]

Now that isn't to say that it would never happen. But you people that try and max out your lives with two jobs, kids, etc.... seem to be pushing the envolope.

You want to look at me? and say I hate my kids cause I go on a four day trip? Tell me how to pay the house note with zero income and I'll listen...

First off, I don't try to max out my life dude. I have a mortgage and no other debt. We save $5000 a month. Can you say the same there Sparky? My kids will have a parent at home 95% of the time. It will be either their father or mother. The other 5%, they will be hanging out with grandma or grandpa. I would have loved that as a kid.

I agree with you in a lot of what you say. I have no intention on dumping my kid off on daycare or anything like that but you are extreme. I can love my kid and my job. If my kid's father is at home with them, what is wrong with that?

Secondly, YOU YOU YOU....that's right YOU said you cannot love your kids and love your job. If that is the case, then you must not love your kids. How to pay your house on zero income? I don't know...that's your problem but you are the one that said you cannot love your kids AND love your job so since you still need a job, maybe you should of not had kids. Make some sense Rez. You're making my head spin.

 

[capt. megadeth]

You can love you kids as much as you want or say...but what they believe is another story... the fact is you have to be around to love them...for them to feel loved..to be loved... the more you are gone the less you can do that.. and yes that applies to me.. that is why I don't play musical parents with my kids... I am not willing for both parents to be working....

That's great! If your wife feels that way, that's great but I don't have to do what you do. See my post above.

Also, my mom was a single mother and had to work. She was not around a lot. I remember her even going out sometimes on Saturday night with a date or friends. Was she a bad mother? Did I feel unloved? HELL NO! As a matter of fact, my mom is one of the best moms out there. I don't feel like I missed a thing. I know what you are saying to a point and I don't agree with a lot of what is going on with kids today but what you say is extreme. I agree if parents are never around, what's the point of having kids. This FA that started the thread said she would drop most trips and just work part time. There is nothing wrong with that. You act like if mom is not around 8 days out of the month, little Johnny is going to be messed up for the rest of his life which is ridiculous.