Two people in Aviation with Kids. Does it work?

[taysha]

I am not playing a martyr. I planned on returning to work when my FMLA was over, but in the end I could not leave a new born at home. I chose to leave my job instead(captain).

There is no job worth leaving a child at home. CHQ will still get passes thru her husband and can meet him on a overnight anytime. This does not mean she needs to go fly a three dya trip in order to make $150 at flight attendant wages (after taxes).

She could make more at McDonalds and be home every night with her child.

 

[CHQFA00]

Quite frankly after reading your posts Taysha, I think the sky is safer now that your not flying. You make no sense what so ever and you assume everything. It's always a good idea to read all posts before posting.

 

[Rez O. Lewshun]

That's great! If your wife feels that way, that's great but I don't have to do what you do. See my post above.

Also, my mom was a single mother and had to work. She was not around a lot. I remember her even going out sometimes on Saturday night with a date or friends. Was she a bad mother? Did I feel unloved? HELL NO! As a matter of fact, my mom is one of the best moms out there. I don't feel like I missed a thing. I know what you are saying to a point and I don't agree with a lot of what is going on with kids today but what you say is extreme. I agree if parents are never around, what's the point of having kids. This FA that started the thread said she would drop most trips and just work part time. There is nothing wrong with that. You act like if mom is not around 8 days out of the month, little Johnny is going to be messed up for the rest of his life which is ridiculous.

Your Mom was in a difficult bind and I'm sure she did a great job, despite your persona on the message boards...

But we are talking about two parents that have the choice... the luxury actually of working or staying at home. The reason to give to leave the child is to have some freedom, get away from the kids and house. That is a luxury.

And mega you don't have kids.. I've got two... that doesn't mean you don't know what you are taling about, however, like a previous poster stated... she planned to go back but just couldn't leave the little one after FMLA... everyone is different....however, in our current culture we seem to define our wants as needs... and demand that we have them...

Quite frankly after reading your posts Taysha, I think the sky is safer now that your not flying. You make no sense what so ever and you assume everything. It's always a good idea to read all posts before posting.

CHQFA00-

You came on this message board shopping for validation... some of the replies you got you didn't like...but your replies are personal. I suggest you stick to the issue.... get informed and find out what you are really getting into...

 

[Rez O. Lewshun]

First off, I don't try to max out my life dude. I have a mortgage and no other debt. We save $5000 a month. Can you say the same there Sparky? My kids will have a parent at home 95% of the time. It will be either their father or mother. The other 5%, they will be hanging out with grandma or grandpa. I would have loved that as a kid.

cool...

I agree with you in a lot of what you say. I have no intention on dumping my kid off on daycare or anything like that but you are extreme. I can love my kid and my job. If my kid's father is at home with them, what is wrong with that?

I think parents who plan on tag team parenting... ie opposite schedules, only one parent home at a time, most of the time are kidding themselves.. it looks good on paper, but the reality is very difficult... some get it done, but I think there is a price...

Secondly, YOU YOU YOU....that's right YOU said you cannot love your kids and love your job. If that is the case, then you must not love your kids.

Again... it is loving your kids they way they need to be loved. Not you sending vibes across the sky...

How to pay your house on zero income? I don't know...

Stop right there.....

that's your problem but you are the one that said you cannot love your kids AND love your job so since you still need a job, maybe you should of not had kids. Make some sense Rez. You're making my head spin.

Have your kids and maybe the 'aha' moment will kick in when you are changing diapers....

 

[FlyUnited]

I have 2 and found 'getting away' a couple days a month as a Godsend.



fyi - no behaviour drugs for my kids Rez.

 

[CHQFA00]

Rez, you have lost all credibility. You have over 3700 posts on this board. If that doesn't say your not watching your kids because your on your computer too much, than I don't know what does. Yeah, you might be "home" but being on the computer constantly is not "loving your kids".

I'm done responding to your off the wall posts. I was not looking for someone to validate me, AGAIN, I WAS LOOKING FOR SOMEONE THAT HAS BEEN IN THE SISTUATION AND WONDERING WHAT THEY DID. YOU ARE NOT IN THE SITUTION. Stop posting on this thread. You have not a clue what your talking about, and as you have done on previous threads, your stiring the pot and turning this into a whole different thread.

Stick to what you know, which is obvouisly not about parenting since you spend 24/7 a week on FI.

 

[Rez O. Lewshun]

Rez, you have lost all credibility. You have over 3700 posts on this board. If that doesn't say your not watching your kids because your on your computer too much, than I don't know what does. Yeah, you might be "home" but being on the computer constantly is not "loving your kids".

I'm done responding to your off the wall posts. I was not looking for someone to validate me, AGAIN, I WAS LOOKING FOR SOMEONE THAT HAS BEEN IN THE SISTUATION AND WONDERING WHAT THEY DID. YOU ARE NOT IN THE SITUTION. Stop posting on this thread. You have not a clue what your talking about, and as you have done on previous threads, your stiring the pot and turning this into a whole different thread.

Stick to what you know, which is obvouisly not about parenting since you spend 24/7 a week on FI.

I'll stop posting, when you start debating the issue and not the person...

I have 2 and found 'getting away' a couple days a month as a Godsend.

Good for you... I just don't get it.....though.. what is so terrible about being at home?

fyi - no behaviour drugs for my kids Rez.

Hey, my kids might be one them one day.... who knows... we've got issues in our culture...

BTW fly united, when you jumped all over me months ago on the FA Boston thread, you had no clue what I was talking about....

 

[CHQFA00]

Again, this was never a debate until you made it one, which by your previous posts, thats all you do on this board. Seriously, we're done. I honestly feel very sorry for you, but mostly for your wife. I'm sure your great person to be around.

 

[Secret Agent]

I have GOT to chime in here... I am also one of those pilots who had a kid and left the airline job that I loved. HOWEVER, I did continue to fly on a very part time basis to keep a small foothold on my flying career so I can go back to it when the kids are out of the house.

I love my kids to death and I am their fulltime care giver but you (Rez) have ZERO idea what it is like to be around your kids 24/7. Maybe you are lucky and have one of those wives who never complains, but every mom I know, and I know a ton now, cherishes a few hours to themselves here and there. It has nothing to do with your kids being terrible, but has everything to do with keeping your sanity.

I guess it also depends on how old your kids are and how independent they are, but those few out and backs a month rejuvenate me and make me a better mom because I am excited to see them and start over every time I get home.

I am fortunate that my kids' father or their grandmother takes them for the days that I do work. If I had to rely on daycare, maybe I would feel differently but I don't have to worry about that right now.

There are many many times when I get up early for a trip and I ask myself why I do this, but it is all about knowing yourself and about figuring out what works for you.

Like I said, the time I am away from my kids is spent missing them and if I hadn't been on the trip, all that time spent listening to them screaming and attending to their wants and needs all day and night might just put me in a grumpy mood and affect my ability to enjoy them. It is like coming up for air and I can't think of anyone who doesn't need to do that once in awhile.

Otherwise, yes, I agree with you in general about parenting and the quality of our kids today. The biggest reason I left the perfect job in the world was to help make our society a better place by helping to produce some better quality kids. So far so good, despite the fact that my scenario and yours aren't exactly the same.

 

[capt. megadeth]

Secret Agent....great post! I was actually thinking along the same lines in regards to this.....Rez doesn't stay at home 24/7. I am sure if he did, he would be begging, BEGGING for a day or two alone. :laugh:

 

[capt. megadeth]

Oh yeah....hey Rez....next time you have a week or two vacation, have your wife go away somewhere and you stay with the kids for two weeks then report back to us if you wanted a break or not. Remember, if you do, you probably shouldn't have had kids in the first place because you should "never" need a break from your kids. That's bad. :laugh:

 

[Rez O. Lewshun]

Oh yeah....hey Rez....next time you have a week or two vacation, have your wife go away somewhere and you stay with the kids for two weeks then report back to us if you wanted a break or not. Remember, if you do, you probably shouldn't have had kids in the first place because you should "never" need a break from your kids. That's bad. :laugh:

I've already done that... and will do it again...

Next?

 

[Rez O. Lewshun]

Ladies, I know its difficult for a man to school you on child raising.....however.....

Like Maga's mom...she had to do it solo.... but if you are going to leave your kids for a few days just ensure the reasoning.... "to escape the four walls and getaway" is too weak.... WO-man up and be a parent...

 

[dhc8fo]

I've already done that... and will do it again...

Next?

Why did you have to do this? Your wife needed a break?

 

[Rez O. Lewshun]

Why did you have to do this? Your wife needed a break?

Funeral and travel to/from overseas

 

[FlyUnited]

I have it from a reliable source that she had fake documents produced so that she could get away, not only from the rugrats but from the pompous one too.

She wasn't overseas........go rent "Girls Gone Wild" and you'll see the effects of too many Mommy and Me classes.

 

[Rez O. Lewshun]

I have it from a reliable source that she had fake documents produced so that she could get away, not only from the rugrats but from the pompous one too.

Well, when the next relative dies, I'll be with the kids again so she can go...and the next time...and the the next time..

She wasn't overseas........go rent "Girls Gone Wild" and you'll see the effects of too many Mommy and Me classes.

We just live in different worlds. No one in our family needs to escape from each other.

 

[CHQFA00]

Alright you guys, quit responding to Rez. Read his previous posts on this board. All he does all day long is going on the board here and stir the pot. He's a very angry Colgan pilot that hates life and loves to make other people miserable. All he does is flame bait. He probably agrees with you but for the fact that he hates life, he goes on here and disagrees just to piss everyone off. I will say it again, for someone that loves there children, having 3700 posts on here says something.



PS Rez, love your tree hugging hippie post on the military board. My husband flies in the military, so my kid will probably turn to drugs and go on a murder spree, right? I mean, who in there right mind shoot down an aircraft that has been hijacked? IDOT.

 

[Rez O. Lewshun]

Alright you guys, quit responding to Rez. Read his previous posts on this board. All he does all day long is going on the board here and stir the pot. He's a very angry Colgan pilot that hates life and loves to make other people miserable. All he does is flame bait. He probably agrees with you but for the fact that he hates life, he goes on here and disagrees just to piss everyone off. I will say it again, for someone that loves there children, having 3700 posts on here says something.



PS Rez, love your tree hugging hippie post on the military board. My husband flies in the military, so my kid will probably turn to drugs and go on a murder spree, right? I mean, who in there right mind shoot down an aircraft that has been hijacked? IDOT.

I thought you said you were done with me... now your purpose is to get others not to like me? Would that make you feel better...

I bet you are a nice person..... and we have more in common than not. It is very easy to debate the details on these message boards. I really know nothing about you except your thoughts on this issue... so that's what I'll discuss... the issue..

The baby boomers and the feminist have put us down a path without considering all the details: our kids. The babyboomers 'want what they want when they want it and they want it now'. The feminist have program girls that they are mindless partriarch slaves if they stay at home. An extreme example? Two parents who work demanding long schedules and cylce european au pairs to "watch" thier kids. Two boys and a little girl. The little girl sees her Mom one hour a day and weekends. The common food the kids eat...cereal.

Our greatest responsibility that we take for granted is our children.

 

[capt. megadeth]

Ladies, I know its difficult for a man to school you on child raising.....however.....

You spewing your mouth about what a woman should do is like me trying to tell you how to shave your ba!!s. Why don't you just STFU because you as a man have no business getting into this conversation in the first place.

It's like abortion....it's none of men's business. There should be no man involved in the topic of abortion.

Flame on....

 

[capt. megadeth]

Funeral and travel to/from overseas

WHAT?!?!?!?

She must not love her children.

Are they damaged for life since she left them for a second? What kind of a mother is she? That's unacceptable!

 

[capt. megadeth]

The feminist have program girls that they are mindless partriarch slaves if they stay at home.

Nah. Not mindless patriarch slaves......just financially helpless people that are completely dependent on another person for necessities in life.

 

[ddp]

I don't ever post but this one has really drawn me in. I think you need a positive real life story. My family is a two pilot family with one child (2 yrs old) and we make it work because we want it to work. We bid opposite schedules as much as we can and when we need help we have a friend that watches our son. Our friend has children so our son enjoys the interaction of other kids. If both of us will be gone for longer than 2 days we take him to his grandparents. As soon as our schedules are out we start working a plan for the month so every month is a little different.

We had thought about a nanny but had a hard time finding someone that only wanted to work 6 or so days a month. We also thought about a live-in nanny and decided with how little we would need someone that was not the best option. In the last few months we have started working out a new plan with another two pilot family on sharing the care between the four of us. We figure that there is not much chance all four of us would be gone at the same time. I like this idea the best and I hope we are able to make it work. So maybe look for other families at your work. Last idea is to find another pilot/FA that has a wife that stays home to help you care for the baby. They seem to understand the lifestyle and routine better than someone that is outside of avaition.

I went back to work after the baby with the goal of just trying it out to see if it could work. My husband did not pressure me to work or not work. He knew how much childcare responsibility he would have if I did work and how much I would have if I stayed home (all of it). It was hard to go back but I would guess if you even asked a dad leaving his child he would be sad about leaving on a trip. I cried alot and still sometimes have my days but I NEVER doubt the safety, love and security that he is getting when I am not there. It actually brings lots of happiness to me to know how well he knows and loves all of his family. I worked in child protective services before this career and don't let anyone convince you that just because you birthed the child you are a good parent and the only one that can raise it. Most of the worst child abuse and neglect is by birth parents. A child will grow and become a contribution to society by being well rounded, exposed to new and different situations, and love. This can be given by you but also by others. Good luck in your decision and know it can work!

 

[cezzna]

You do what you have to do. I had to divorce my wife and take custody of my kids. They are with me fulltime and I have a nanny. I also have a son with autism. I still fly and am gone 90 nights a year. My kids are doing great. At first I wasn't sure about nannies, but it has worked great for me. What you are contemplating should be a cake walk compared to this.

 

[Rez O. Lewshun]

Nah. Not mindless patriarch slaves......just financially helpless people that are completely dependent on another person for necessities in life.

And this is a problem with our society. We're programmed that if we don't make our own money we are trapped and dependant. Like an indentured servant. Is that the secret power to female emanciaption? Get your own money?

What "your own money" also does is make people incredibly portable and non committal.... hence the divorce rate. Why have character, integrity and loyalty to your spouse when you can simply say "up yours I got mine!" There is something to be said about a spouse that can stay married for the duration...

As a society we've devalued parenting and managing our homes. Households are like small busineses. And we've turned to vendors to do allot of the jobs. With the personal BK rate higher than ever, its obvious we are stretched too thin... Many commercials sell time. Fast prep foods and cleaning products.

Call me old school but I think it is humbling for one to clean thier own toilet and raise thier own kids... Many a mother have said... I know why women work...its easier than raising kids! Again and again... many couples have two incomes be cause they want two incomes. They will declare they need two, but let's be real.... in our hyperconsumption society we don't know the difference btw needs and wants. So to not be with your kids so you can work cuase you don't have to is a copout and unfair to the kids. Parents choose thier kids not the other way around.

The above is exclusive of the single parent...

 

[satpak77]

I can't believe this thread is still alive.

Moms should be home with the kids, and dad should be working.

No, I didn't say mom should be in the kitchen and barefoot, women activists in the audience, take note.

AGAIN, mom should be home with the kids.

 

[Rez O. Lewshun]

I don't ever post but this one has really drawn me in. I think you need a positive real life story. My family is a two pilot family with one child (2 yrs old) and we make it work because we want it to work.

Could you live in the USA on one income?

We bid opposite schedules as much as we can and when we need help we have a friend that watches our son. Our friend has children so our son enjoys the interaction of other kids. If both of us will be gone for longer than 2 days we take him to his grandparents. As soon as our schedules are out we start working a plan for the month so every month is a little different.

I am willing to bet that you have more love for your child than your friend does.... In addition, you want your child to love you and be more loyal to you than to your friend?


So the question is.... why are you limiting that love? Cause you need to or want to?

You do what you have to do. I had to divorce my wife and take custody of my kids. They are with me fulltime and I have a nanny. I also have a son with autism. I still fly and am gone 90 nights a year. My kids are doing great. At first I wasn't sure about nannies, but it has worked great for me. What you are contemplating should be a cake walk compared to this.

No doubt... same with Mega's Mom... she had to go solo... what is a spouse to do if the other dies... but we aren't talking about that.... we are talking about trying to have your cake and eat it too.... which of course is a demanding right in today's culture....

 

[Rez O. Lewshun]

I can't believe this thread is still alive.

Moms should be home with the kids, and dad should be working.

No, I didn't say mom should be in the kitchen and barefoot, women activists in the audience, take note.

AGAIN, mom should be home with the kids.

Well at least initially.... I mean they have the breast milk. Nature handed out the vaginas, oxytocin and uterus' not men.

One spouse should stay at home. If a couple works it out so there is Mr. Mom.. then cool.... we just need to stop neglecting our kids in the name of wants defined as needs. The divorce rate is too high... the BK rate too high and too many pissed off kids on meds...

 

[FlyUnited]

Call me old school but I think it is humbling for one to clean thier own toilet and raise thier own kids

So why is that I have a feeling you have never done either?

 

[Rez O. Lewshun]

So why is that I have a feeling you have never done either?

Because...if you can focus on me and discredit my arguement (CHQFA's modus operandus) then you won't feel guilty about leaving your kids to gratify your wants...

Your kids need you more than you want your wants...