Stupidest Aviation Question You Ever Got Asked/Heard

[capt. megadeth]

I get this one at least once a week at my second job.

"You're an airline pilot? What are you doing here?
Don't pilots make a lot of money?"

 

[Goose Egg]

I heard this one from one of our new students: "Doesn't the guy doing the ATIS get tired of saying the same thing over and over for a whole hour?"

-Goose

 

[Weasil]

Me -"I am a pilot for xxx airlines"

Them-"So you actually FLY THE AIRPLANE?!?!"

Me-"No, i'm the pilot that passes out the drinks.....COME ON!

That would be a FO at Gulfstream on the b1900.

 

[low-n-slow]

Me, a long, long time ago..."Wow, I'm gonna be rich!"


An actual private pilot asked me how the propeller changed directions so quick while reversing.

This one gets asked often, 'Where do you put the chemicals, inside the wings?'

 

[stingray]

Back when I was a mechanic or Crew Chief in the Air Force On EC-135's. I was walking along with the F.O. on his walk around "pre-flight" as was the norm.
We get to the right main gear and he points to the air valve on the foward outside tire and asks
"What is that?"
I said are you serious.
Yea he said.
Thats where you put air in the tire dumbass, I mean sir.

 

[smellthejeta]

That would be a FO at Gulfstream on the b1900.

You said it first.

I had a guy come up to me on the ramp at a certified Part 139 airport (how's that for the definition of "commrecial"?) once and ask, "Are the pilots who fly these things in there (motioning to all the jets on the ramp and then pointing inside at the FBO)?

Me: Depends, why do you want to know?

Him: I need some time flying jets.

Me: What?

Him: I need about 100 hours of jet time. I'll fly for free, I just need to get the 100 hours.

Me: I gave him the lecture on what happens when you offer to do a job for free. It means you don't get paid, and if other people catch on, they'll offer to do a different job for free -- the one that you were trying to get qualified to get, notwithstadning the fact that you're attempting to take some guy's current job away from him.

Yeah, I told him to kiss off, and yeah it's a true story.

************

The other concerns a C172 driver at same airport. Call on the radio:

I need to know who fueled piston popper xxxx!

Me: I did why?

CSR: Pilot wants to make sure you put 100LL in his plane.

Me: Send him out here.

It was ten o'clock at night, so I looked at him and said, "Let me guess... You sumped your wing and you can't see the proper color?"

Him: Yes.

Me: I showed him how to tell the difference between Jet A and 100LL without looking at the color. I also showed him the J-Spout on a Jet A truck, you know the one that is about twice as large as a the fuel port on a 172. I told him that my fueler has a lot of patience if he fills a 172 with a J Spout

 

[minitour]

I heard this one from one of our new students: "Doesn't the guy doing the ATIS get tired of saying the same thing over and over for a whole hour?"

-Goose

"Here's yer sign"

 

[Snakum]

Reading the posts and Man! ... all the dumbazz things being said by pro pilots was kinda surprising.

The UberDork PPL with the Cessna Pilot license plate, pilot stickers all over his truck, crew tags on his Sporty's bag, his truck's sound system hooked up to a handheld transceiver so he can listen to GSO approach while driving around town, and who stands at parade rest while giving a safety briefing to his pax (all standing in line and roughly at attention) said this very authoritatively once to a group of civilians, students, and PPLs shortly after he'd gotten his own PPL and was studying for the IR ...

"Yeah, those Lears are pretty fast. They cruise right at the speed of sound or about 500 miles per hour."



Takes all kinds, I reckon.

Minh

 

[rchcfi]

Just last week we made a fuel stop at an airport that isn't very busy and was in the sticks. (But very near the west coast) This nice girl parked us and asked "So where ya headin'?" I reply "Oakland".....She says "Where's that?" When we go to pay for the fuel, my boss hands her a GM Mastercard. She says "Sorry we don't take GM cards here, we only take these" and points to the Mastercard sign!

 

[Kingairrick]

Background: I am 40 years old, have around 5000hrs, and work for a fortune 300 company.

My Mother: (while looking at the pictures of the Falcon 900EX I'm flying now) "Wow! could you fly me to KXXX?"

Me: No Mom. You can't imagine what that would cost."

My Mother: "Well, wouldn't it help you build up your hours?"

True story.