First, you will arrive in Mecca and spend about 2 whole days chugging copious amounts of LUVjuice (your wife is encouraged to attend as well). You will get briefing after briefing about administrivia from attractive, but older blonde women with a sweet Texas accent and sugary demeanor. They are all named Sandy. Then you meet a man named Bob Torti. He will curse like a drunken sailor and probably tell you we are about to buy JetBlue. You will get your ID, then enter the Matrix where a leather-clad Colleen Barrett will show you SWA's secret fuel-saving recipe, a mixture similar to kerosene made from the fermented remains of babies harvested from our global human trafficking unit (and you thought the People Dept was for HR and hiring?) After that indoc, they will download the FOM into your noggin thru a USB port in your skull that another woman named Sandy installs during a Friday afternoon deck party. You will be so happy to be at SWA, that you will volunteer to sit reserve in OAK for the rest of your career, as an FO of course.