Simple guide to Flight Attendant satisfaction!!!

[PBRstreetgang]

I find a nice selection of vibrators works wonders, 220V and heavy cable power corded for the most grizzled NW veteran down to the mini finger job for the SKYW virgins.
PBR

 

[~~~^~~~]

Might have to upgrade to Godiva. It's not the chocolate, it's the label.

Tom, nah really, you can offer them Godiva, but they have one or two of the Twix bars in their mouth while they are tearing the wrapper off the next one. I did offer Godiva. It is like offering a guy a Sweetwater 420 while he's swimming in the brightener tank at the Budwiser Brewery.

Besides, "Godiva - melts in your flight bag, not in your mouth."

What works best when they ignore you is to make a cabin announcement and close with "we'll be arriving at our destination at ellevenenofiverplast." You can hear the cacophony of FA chimes the minute you hang up. When they call the flight deck (annoyed) to say passengers are asking about the arrival time, I go ahead and hit them with my dream list of food and beverages.

I now offer gum and breath fresheners. They seem to like those to chase half melted twix bars. Worst case, you can survive for a day on gum and breath fresheners, I have.

 

[Paul R. Smith]

CAPT:--"DING"
FA:-----Yes captain
CAPT:---I will be coming out in1 minute for the bathroom have it ready, thanks

I minute later

CAPT:---"DING"
FA:------yes Captain?
CAPT:---I will be coming out now thanks.

end of subject.
WTF why is this even an issue? Get a grip and start acting like the CAPTAIN.
Who is in charge of this Airplane??????

+1
Nothing bossy about that.

 

[dtfl]

Here is what I do:


I buy those bags of Ghirardelli dark chocolates and hand them out during the crew briefing.

The gals/guys love it and you get anything you want! I am the kind of guy that does not hold my pee and have jumped out to hit the lav within 45 mitutes of takeoff. They never gripe about it when you set the mood nicely to begin with.

Just another example of "don't work for the system, make the system work for you"


It is easy to get what you want when people are predictable.

STOP THAT!!! Now the former connection carrier FAs will be fat by the time they get to mainline!

 

[dalad]

Wait till you see their faces when you hand out condoms.

 

[jhill]

Wait till you see their faces when you hand out condoms.

FA kitty = hazmat. Think about how many ball bearing FA's go both ways. Disgusting.

 

[Stifler's Mom]

Oh, not to mention, a large meat stick helps with FA satisfaction also.

Hence why you bring the chocolates I guess.

 

[BrokeFOsho]

I wonder if there is a thread in the FA forums, or mangaments for that matter that reads:

Simple Guide To Pilot Satisfaction!!!

 

[samballs]

When you guys go to restraunts do you bring things so your waitress is happy? I think not. So whats the difference, a FA is nothing more, as a matter of fact they are overpaid waitress, that get flight benefits, medical, leave, etc. I wish for the day the faa says you don't need Fa's, and allows a machine to up and down the aisle.

 

[Amish RakeFight]

Hence why you bring the chocolates I guess.

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

 

[brainhurts]

See I'm a little different. First I walk on the aircraft and ignore the FA's completely while I stow my stuff.

Then in an after thought just as the passengers are coming down I give them a quick briefing... I make sure to screw up there names and on occasion just use the classic "where did what's her tits go?"

Then just before I retreat to the front for the rest of the flight I go to the most forward lav. and take a massive growler. I don't flush and just leave it there to marinade during boarding.

Stay thirsty my friends.

That is awsome. You have honored me with your humor.

 

[The Prussian]

At Northwest all you had to do was throw a couple of twinkies up on the glareshield, then stand back, keep your hands close to your side, and open the cockpit door.

Don't forget to grease the door jams, or you could be talking structural failure.

 

[SizzleChest]

Don't forget to grease the door jams, or you could be talking structural failure.

yeah who ever thought the cockpit door would be a plug-type......

 

[C-150ETOPS]

After 15 years of watching a few hundred different Captains handle FA's at my airline, (stAAgnation Airlines), the most important thing I've learned is to keep it simple, don't use too many words, and most importantly, give them the only clearcut acceptable answer to your request. Do not give them a multiple choice to a problem when there is only 1 correct answer.

Most problems I witnessed started when a request (command) was given, and certain Captains added "if you get a chance of course, if you not too busy, if it's not a bother, if you don't mind, etc" Trust me, at my airline when it comes to the pilots , 75% of them think they don't "have a chance", are too busy, are really bothered, and do mind if you ask something.

Chocolates don't work either. They get pissed that they have to put their false teeth back in to eat them. I usually just shrink those "I Love Cats" bumper stickers down to business card size so they can stick them on their walkers. imp:

 

[jetflier]

Don't forget to grease the door jams, or you could be talking structural failure.

AHhh! You used to work at Northwest!! You remember !!