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Pet Peeves While Airlining
- Thread starter leardawg
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Lostdog65
Well-known member
- Joined
- Jan 9, 2006
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- 356
My pet peeve???
TSA rules. Not that I mind them but when they are enforced differently at every d@mn airport you go to.
Ferinstence...
I have a small Swiss Army knife in my toiletry bag. It usually travels with me in a small carry-on that, yes, will actually fit in the overhead bin. Depending on the airport, I've had it confiscated more times than not. This last go around, in PDX, I wound up having to mail my own d@mn pocket knife back to myself. The day earlier in RDD, the TSA guy saw it in the bag and zipped the bag back up. PHX...no prob. LGA...no prob. SFO...prob.
And why some airports demand picture ID and some don't??? Who the heck knows.
My last TSA/airport peeve is the one-way ticket.
"I'm sorry sir but the computer has randomly selected you for security screening."
No. It hasn't. It was programmed to pull out someone who bought a last minute and/or one-way ticket. See all those "S's" along the bottom? The nice lady at Horizon filled me in on the little secret. Having been a gov't pilot I did a lot of one-way travel. Yes...the gov't employee, white, late 30's, blond hair, blue eyed guy is sooooo a security threat. Meanwhile, the aforementioned, B.O. reeking Habib gets a free pass. (Kinda don't blame them on that one!)
BTW...TSA guys have NO sense of humor. I used to wear a brass belt buckle. Won't beep. Never has, never will. Brass don't beep. The guy said, "Take it off!"...just like that. I said, "Brass doesn't beep." He said, "It'll beep on my machine." I said, "I'll bet you 10 bucks it won't beep!" He glared at me and the security guard started to come over. I whipped the belt off, dropped it loudly on the belt walked through and said under my breath, "I just lost 10 bucks."
Security eyed me until I was at the gate!
Eric
TSA rules. Not that I mind them but when they are enforced differently at every d@mn airport you go to.
Ferinstence...
I have a small Swiss Army knife in my toiletry bag. It usually travels with me in a small carry-on that, yes, will actually fit in the overhead bin. Depending on the airport, I've had it confiscated more times than not. This last go around, in PDX, I wound up having to mail my own d@mn pocket knife back to myself. The day earlier in RDD, the TSA guy saw it in the bag and zipped the bag back up. PHX...no prob. LGA...no prob. SFO...prob.
And why some airports demand picture ID and some don't??? Who the heck knows.
My last TSA/airport peeve is the one-way ticket.
"I'm sorry sir but the computer has randomly selected you for security screening."
No. It hasn't. It was programmed to pull out someone who bought a last minute and/or one-way ticket. See all those "S's" along the bottom? The nice lady at Horizon filled me in on the little secret. Having been a gov't pilot I did a lot of one-way travel. Yes...the gov't employee, white, late 30's, blond hair, blue eyed guy is sooooo a security threat. Meanwhile, the aforementioned, B.O. reeking Habib gets a free pass. (Kinda don't blame them on that one!)
BTW...TSA guys have NO sense of humor. I used to wear a brass belt buckle. Won't beep. Never has, never will. Brass don't beep. The guy said, "Take it off!"...just like that. I said, "Brass doesn't beep." He said, "It'll beep on my machine." I said, "I'll bet you 10 bucks it won't beep!" He glared at me and the security guard started to come over. I whipped the belt off, dropped it loudly on the belt walked through and said under my breath, "I just lost 10 bucks."
Security eyed me until I was at the gate!
Eric
My worst peeve
Company makes reservation for a one-way trip 2 hours before departure (have to wait till the last minute because plans might change).
Can't get a boarding pass at the kiosk because the ticket wasn't paid for by the travel drone who made the reservation, and no opportunity half the time to get online or on 800 number to do the deal.
Almost guaranteed to get "SSSS" on the boarding pass in spite of the IBAC crew badge and uniform. Ticket agent swears he/she doesn't have authority to exempt IBAC badge. TSA folks swear it's the ticket agents who do the exempting.
Oh yeah..all the above too.
Company makes reservation for a one-way trip 2 hours before departure (have to wait till the last minute because plans might change).
Can't get a boarding pass at the kiosk because the ticket wasn't paid for by the travel drone who made the reservation, and no opportunity half the time to get online or on 800 number to do the deal.
Almost guaranteed to get "SSSS" on the boarding pass in spite of the IBAC crew badge and uniform. Ticket agent swears he/she doesn't have authority to exempt IBAC badge. TSA folks swear it's the ticket agents who do the exempting.
Oh yeah..all the above too.
- Sitting in the center seat, and you suddenly HAVE to scratch them ballz (especially awkward when sitting between two females; you figure guys kinda understand).
- Woman passenger who waits until TSA asks for ID, then proceeds to rummage through super-size pocketbook loaded with enough junk to have a small yard sale " Oh dear. I know it's in here somewhere!"
- When your roller suitcase tips sideways every time you hit a bump (especially on jetway when you are in a hurry).
- Getting pretzels served for a snack on 6 a.m. flight (it just ain't breakfast food!).
- The Window Hogger who HAS to put his entire head into the window when looking outside, preventing you from seeing anything outside (especially during takeoff and landing, when there might be something worthwhile to see, and the alternative is staring at the seatback in front of you). Also, the Vampire, who insists on keeping the window shade closed during the entire 4-hr. afternoon flight.
- The well-endowed, T-shirt wearing Angelina Jolie look-alike seated next to you who makes it IMPOSSIBLE to review your aircraft limitations and procedures while travelling on day 1! :crying:
- The sleeveless shirt/shorts/flip-flop wearing tattooed hairy b*st*rd steroid freak New Yorker who chews your ear off the entire flight (So, youse evah think about flyin' one o' dem commercial jets deh?!")
- Woman passenger who waits until TSA asks for ID, then proceeds to rummage through super-size pocketbook loaded with enough junk to have a small yard sale " Oh dear. I know it's in here somewhere!"
- When your roller suitcase tips sideways every time you hit a bump (especially on jetway when you are in a hurry).
- Getting pretzels served for a snack on 6 a.m. flight (it just ain't breakfast food!).
- The Window Hogger who HAS to put his entire head into the window when looking outside, preventing you from seeing anything outside (especially during takeoff and landing, when there might be something worthwhile to see, and the alternative is staring at the seatback in front of you). Also, the Vampire, who insists on keeping the window shade closed during the entire 4-hr. afternoon flight.
- The well-endowed, T-shirt wearing Angelina Jolie look-alike seated next to you who makes it IMPOSSIBLE to review your aircraft limitations and procedures while travelling on day 1! :crying:
- The sleeveless shirt/shorts/flip-flop wearing tattooed hairy b*st*rd steroid freak New Yorker who chews your ear off the entire flight (So, youse evah think about flyin' one o' dem commercial jets deh?!")
B-J-J Fighter
Royce Gracie in Action
- Joined
- Dec 1, 2001
- Posts
- 1,118
Any agent on the planet can void out the "selectee" status on your BP. You may want to read up on how CAPPS designates pax as a selectee. Hopefully the "known traveler" program from TSA will limit this. PM me for details.
My fav is the mother of three, checking in one day, and was greeted by local police for an open felony warrant. Papa was pretty mad. Kids left the terminal crying like crazy. Or how about the college kid home for the holidays that gets the "dump search" by TSA only to discover a dime bag of weed. Now that's what I call class.
The all time best was one crazy business man running to the gate, only to find the boarding door was closed. He decided to try and pull it open...only to have the gate agent open the door after pulling the bridge off the aircraft. So picture this suit, stressed to the max, with his foot on the wall, pulling on the door with all his might. And when the lock released, he fell flat on his a$$. WHAT THE HECK?!
My fav is the mother of three, checking in one day, and was greeted by local police for an open felony warrant. Papa was pretty mad. Kids left the terminal crying like crazy. Or how about the college kid home for the holidays that gets the "dump search" by TSA only to discover a dime bag of weed. Now that's what I call class.
The all time best was one crazy business man running to the gate, only to find the boarding door was closed. He decided to try and pull it open...only to have the gate agent open the door after pulling the bridge off the aircraft. So picture this suit, stressed to the max, with his foot on the wall, pulling on the door with all his might. And when the lock released, he fell flat on his a$$. WHAT THE HECK?!
Semore Butts
Well-known member
- Joined
- Feb 15, 2002
- Posts
- 670
YouThe well-endowed, T-shirt wearing Angelina Joli are supposed to be "Road Warriors"
And used to this crap.
Traveling is a huge "freak out" for the "average Joe", I would expect you to be sympathetic.
(The well-endowed, T-shirt wearing Angelina Jolie look-alike seated next to you who makes it IMPOSSIBLE to review your aircraft limitations and procedures while travelling on day 1! :crying: )
@$&* the limits!!! May I suggest "Hey baby, I'm a pilot"! (please check ID, reference Flt Options)
And what about the nice gentleman that couldn't get his "shoe bomb" lit, (and me without a lighter (TSA took it))
We ferried 2 Army Ultras to maintenance today and American called us to board. The lady at the gate said we made it with about 30 seconds to spare! Then we got on and sat for 15 minutes before we pushed (I timed it).
(we ran to get food because the last American flight was 30 minutes late).
It is just humorous as you all have pointed out...
Ah the gene pool...
And used to this crap.
Traveling is a huge "freak out" for the "average Joe", I would expect you to be sympathetic.
(The well-endowed, T-shirt wearing Angelina Jolie look-alike seated next to you who makes it IMPOSSIBLE to review your aircraft limitations and procedures while travelling on day 1! :crying: )
@$&* the limits!!! May I suggest "Hey baby, I'm a pilot"! (please check ID, reference Flt Options)
And what about the nice gentleman that couldn't get his "shoe bomb" lit, (and me without a lighter (TSA took it))
We ferried 2 Army Ultras to maintenance today and American called us to board. The lady at the gate said we made it with about 30 seconds to spare! Then we got on and sat for 15 minutes before we pushed (I timed it).
(we ran to get food because the last American flight was 30 minutes late).
It is just humorous as you all have pointed out...
Ah the gene pool...
FracCapt
Clown punchers, unite!
- Joined
- Mar 11, 2004
- Posts
- 1,415
leardawg said:
Do you really THINK about it? Hell, I just do it....it's a natural reflex. Women understand. Ever seen one start digging at the bottom of their t!ts? They're not hunting for spare change....if it itches, scratch it!
Of course....my girlfriend says I'm a pig....but she seems to get a laugh out of it everytime I scratch myself or adjust in public...FracCapt said:Do you really THINK about it? Hell, I just do it....it's a natural reflex. Women understand. Ever seen one start digging at the bottom of their t!ts? They're not hunting for spare change....if it itches, scratch it!
When you gotta scratch, you gotta scratch, awkward situation non-withstanding.
- Row jumpers, who buck accepted de-boarding etiquette and move down the aisle without letting the rows in front of them out first (somewhat understandable if trying to make a tight connection, but how do they know those ahead of them aren't in the same predicament?).
- The passenger who decides to go to the lav just as the flight attendants start wheeling the cart down the aisle (forcing them to wheel it back 20 rows to let them back in).
- The Disney-like security line at DEN (all that's missing is It's A Small World After All being piped in over the speakers).
- Any passenger who looks like Mohammed Atta's cousin Faisal (Does he look nervous? One suspicious move and that Motha F***a's goin' down!)
- Standing there in uniform, with arms outstretched, and being wanded as Faisal walks right on through!
When you catch the eye of some hot chick, strike up a conversation, decide to "Do it" off the jet way, get caught, turns out she's only 16, she claims you forced yourself on her, you go to jail, get fired, become the subject of ridicule and scorn by your peers, have the charges dropped because the girl just isn't credible, and wind up spending the rest of your career flying cases of fake plastic dog-doo in a beat up old Beech-18 at 2 a.m. I HATE when that happens. ..... Oh, wait a minute; that was someone else. Never mind!
C425Driver
Well-known member
- Joined
- Dec 5, 2001
- Posts
- 357
I just LOVE the people who don't make a peep in the boarding area but as soon as they take their seat in the airplane they get on their cell phone and talk as loud as they can so all the people three gates away can hear them. "Hi honey, I'm on the runway....."
I had an aisle seat on a flight to Cincinnati a few years ago. As we were pulling into the gate, I heard all the seatbelts coming undone while we were still moving (I think this gets you off the airplane faster if you do this). All of a sudden the Captain slammed on the brakes and some guy went flying by me in the aisle. He was already getting his stuff out of the overhead before we came to a stop. As he was picking himself up off the floor, he was grumbling about suing the airline or something stupid like that. The nice lady (plain clothes non-rev it turned out) sitting in front of me looked at him and said, "The seat belt sign is still on for a reason and it applies to you". We all got a good laugh at his expense.
I had an aisle seat on a flight to Cincinnati a few years ago. As we were pulling into the gate, I heard all the seatbelts coming undone while we were still moving (I think this gets you off the airplane faster if you do this). All of a sudden the Captain slammed on the brakes and some guy went flying by me in the aisle. He was already getting his stuff out of the overhead before we came to a stop. As he was picking himself up off the floor, he was grumbling about suing the airline or something stupid like that. The nice lady (plain clothes non-rev it turned out) sitting in front of me looked at him and said, "The seat belt sign is still on for a reason and it applies to you". We all got a good laugh at his expense.
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