Pet Peeves While Airlining

[aussiefly]

got help the poor sap that tried to use one of those on me. He would have to start calling it his A$$ defender

 

[Guitar rocker]

Yah, I dont know what happens to people when they just think of going to the airport, but there is some physiological/psychological change that takes place and so many people become numb when they roll into the airport.

1. Diapers...flew several months ago and a woman and her two kids get the row of seats directly behind me. First thing mom does (after having been in the terminal for some time) is to change juniors diapers right there behind me. Nothing like having a nice farm fresh odor that lasts a while in the morning.....I say last a while because she stuffed the tird in the seat pocket until the FA came around to pick it up and when she at first tried to pass it along for the trash, FA didnt take it because it was not bio degradable......FA had to make a special trip to pick up the tird in a separate bag all together.....after the service was complete. Tird was in our presence for 45 min.

2. The can...many people after having been sitting at the gate for an hour....first thing they do is to hit the can when they get on the plane. Maybe they want to check everything out before we all go....it's a new environment I guess. Why not get rid of the tird in the airport???

3. Farts...I can almost understand the one isolated beef flying out from some passenger....but when they consistently bombard the rest of us with their a$$......that aint right. Before I airline (if I dont forget) I eat the southbeach diet bar (the big one). That will get your a$$ in gear and ready to play hard ball (if necessary)with the cuplrit. Yes, I do relaize there will be collateral damage with other innocent folks, but you cant leave it un-checked.

4. Shoes...Some people think that it is OK to go ahead and take their shoes off in the plane. If you can guarantee us all that your feet dont smell like a fresh bag of doritos, it's OK, but otherwise I have seen this several times and it's not OK.

5. PAX...you know how it is...I can almost look at the crowd in the gate area and pick out whose gonna sit next to me (and it's never a hot chick either). As they were boarding the flight, there was this one guy standing blocking the way for pax as they were calling zones. He was tall, hick like, had his legs spread apart and what a cool looking mullet he had. I knew it..........he sat next to me. Problem was that he mentioned that he had a 40$ bar tab.........he was hammerd. Every third to fourth word was F this F that.........and then he told me all kinds of things that made me want to sink further in my seat.......I was hoping nobody knew me. He talked loud enough so as to make sure that +/- 3-4 rows could hear the conversation. Sat next to another guy going from BOS-DFW.......he just came back from a friends wedding party. Amazing what some people are willing to tell and their desperation to share it with everyone on the plane. I thought that someone was reading stories that people send in straight out of Hustler magazine.

6. PAX again...passengers that decide they need to freshen up and get ready to see their loved ones 30 min before we land. That includes using perfume or cologne. Some of that stuff smells pretty harsh, but why make us all suffer with it when they could do that in the local can in the airport?

7. PAX...say a funny movie is playing...........then you have the passenger that is wearing is headset and thinks that when he laughs hard, nobody can hear him. Or yet, someone wearing a headset and trying to talk to someone else........just take the headset off.

 

[PHXFLYR]

A few responses to your post:



Point Three: This is the kicker here. For the whole tour we are surrounded with nice FBOs, we get fed, stay at nice hotels, deal with courteous and clean people (90% anyway) and fly a nice, clean airplane. Then I see that dreaded "WN" on the Crackberry. I know I'm hours away from a dark, smelly terminal with not enough kiosks for the amount of passengers, the smell of McDonalds, shouting from people who claim to have paid "a lot" of money and demand better service, tatoos, butt cracks and belly buttons showing, incredibly "spicy" BO, leather seats covered with black grime from bare feet and sweaty bodies, forehead grease on the window, and a line of butts aimed in my face and ready to fire.

And lets not forget that idiot seated in front of you who, at the moment of takeoff when the plane is 20 degrees nose up, presses the release button and lets his seat SLAM all the way back at once, breaking your knees. Meanwhile, the jerk behind you has the "knee defender", which is illegal, so you can't lean back at all. Geez, I LOVE AIRLINING. And just when I am feeling sorry for myself, I see some poor bum in an airline uniform walk/running to McDonalds to get "lunch" on his 20 minute turn. Then I remember my years of commuting from PHX to IAD for one airline, then PHX to STL for another one, the hassle of the airline job and its brutal schedulers and dispatchers who couldn't find their butt with two hands and a roadmap, and I feel better. Man, I'll never go back. I guess airlining is the cross we bear to have this job. I'll take it.

Man ,this is a great post!! Describes SW to a tee. Anyway you can cut and paste this over to the MAJORS forum? I would like our good buddy SWA FO to read it. You Frax guys rock!!


PHXFLYR

 

[PacoPollo]

So how you corporate primadonnas travel on your spare time?(vacation)
I doubt that your "boss" will lend ya his fortune 500 GV's...

 

[PHXFLYR]

I figured I'd put this in the Fractional section because Frax types airline to and from work more than the average GA pilot, and I spent 3 years as one doing the Day 1/Go-home day thing with FLOPS.

My pet peeves while flying the airlines:

- The fat slob next to you who takes up 1 1/2 seats (I once spent an entire 3-hour flight leaning out in the aisle).

- Someone (usually named Habib) with rank B.O. sitting near you.

- The guy or gal that holds up the line during boarding in order to go through a routine before sitting in their seat (put bag in overhead, put briefcase in overhead, remove coat, fold coat, put coat neatly in overhead, tuck in shirt,
forget something in briefcase, open it, remove item, shut briefcase, check pockets for something, do the silent pointing "I'm in that seat" to other passenger already seated). JUST SIT THE F DOWN ALREADY!!!

-The passenger who insists on bring a steamer trunk on board as carry-on baggage, then can't get it into the overhead.

- The passenger that assumes because you are in uniform, you represent the airline, and are all-knowing about everything going on with that flight and the airport, or are a worthy target of passengers' frustration and wrath (I only wore my uniform if I knew I was going straight to a flight in my airplane).

- The passenger that seems surprised and put-out by TSA security measures that have been in place for a few years now, and holds up the line by arguing with them.

-Passengers that are standing in the aisle during boarding after you've taken your seat, and fart in your face point blank range (and there's nowhere to escape it!). I had that happen once (guy had bad B.O. too; he was standing next to my head for several minutes while someone else did the sit-down routine).

- Unruly, screaming kids.

- When you move to a better seat because you think everyone is on board, only to have Just Made It Joe arrive on board, out of breath, and make a beeline right for your new seat.

- When you're trying to make a tight connection, and your arrival gate is invariably at the farthest geometric point on the airport from your next gate.

- When you're trying to make that connection, and get stuck in the jetway behind Ma and Pa Kettle with no room to get around them.

-HAVING to take a crap in an airport restroom, especially after Habib is done using the stall!

-Using the handicapped stall to change out of your uniform, just as Ironsides or Guy Caballero shows up needing to go (and gives you a dirty look as you leave the stall 10 minutes later).

-Standing in the boarding line when they've called your Boarding Zone 1, and noticing the guy in front of you has one that says Boarding Zone 6 (there's a system, dude, and the plane ain't gonna leave without ya!). He proceeds to do the afore-mentioned Seating Routine.

I'm sure I'll think of more.

Welcome to my world,Bubba......Care to swap jobs?


PHXFLYR

 

[SenorSpielbergo]

Solutions to two of the aforementioned pet peeves:

1: For crying brats, non-headphone wearing movie-watchers, unwanted chit-chat with your seatmate, etc.: Earplugs. I put 'em in as soon as I sit down, which sends a pretty clear message to Gabby McTalkerson next to me.

2: For the person behind you using your seat as leverage to hoist their fat azz out of the seat: You've gotta be paying attention and pretty quick to do it, but when you feel their hands on your headrest, casually press your "recline" button. Since their balance is compromised and dependent on your sturdy seatback, when it lets go, hilarity ensues!

 

[aussiefly]

2: For the person behind you using your seat as leverage to hoist their fat azz out of the seat: You've gotta be paying attention and pretty quick to do it, but when you feel their hands on your headrest, casually press your "recline" button. Since their balance is compromised and dependent on your sturdy seatback, when it lets go, hilarity ensues!

That is just priceless! but you know whats gonna happen? Next time I fly commerical i'm going to spend the whole flight waiting for the inevitable with my finger on the button and it wont happen lol

 

[acaTerry]

So how you corporate primadonnas travel on your spare time?(vacation)
I doubt that your "boss" will lend ya his fortune 500 GV's...

His profile says it all....

He must be one of the guys we're talking about.

 

[FLYLOW22]

So how you corporate primadonnas travel on your spare time?(vacation)
I doubt that your "boss" will lend ya his fortune 500 GV's...

Let me say that when I got furloughed from Brand X (and started this fractional adventure) I was quite fond (out of habit) of airlining and not too sure of hanging out in my own rig all day without the hustle and bustle.

It's been several years now and (product of environment I guess) I really can't seem to get excited about airlining anymore. I fly on RJs more often than not. The gate agents talk into the PAs like everyone two states away is having a hard time hearing them. TSA. I feel cooped up. Lack of internet. No free popcorn, coffee, cookies and a crew car to get some grub.

I guess we have a little better working environment.

Premadonnas? No. The difference is that 121 guys work for people who buy tickets from the man. We fly the man. The man like to have creature comforts. We use the creature comforts because they are there.

And we are not corporate types. We are Frax Pilots.

I do miss my 4 day family though.

 

[PacoPollo]

Thanxs for the civilized response.