Pet Peeves While Airlining

[CA1900]

The all time best was one crazy business man running to the gate, only to find the boarding door was closed. He decided to try and pull it open...only to have the gate agent open the door after pulling the bridge off the aircraft. So picture this suit, stressed to the max, with his foot on the wall, pulling on the door with all his might. And when the lock released, he fell flat on his a$$. WHAT THE HECK?!

"That's funny, I don't care who you are!"

 

[FracCapt]

- Sitting in the center seat, and you suddenly HAVE to scratch them ballz (especially awkward when sitting between two females; you figure guys kinda understand).

Do you really THINK about it? Hell, I just do it....it's a natural reflex. Women understand. Ever seen one start digging at the bottom of their t!ts? They're not hunting for spare change....if it itches, scratch it! Of course....my girlfriend says I'm a pig....but she seems to get a laugh out of it everytime I scratch myself or adjust in public...

 

[leardawg]

Do you really THINK about it? Hell, I just do it....it's a natural reflex. Women understand. Ever seen one start digging at the bottom of their t!ts? They're not hunting for spare change....if it itches, scratch it! Of course....my girlfriend says I'm a pig....but she seems to get a laugh out of it everytime I scratch myself or adjust in public...

When you gotta scratch, you gotta scratch, awkward situation non-withstanding.

- Row jumpers, who buck accepted de-boarding etiquette and move down the aisle without letting the rows in front of them out first (somewhat understandable if trying to make a tight connection, but how do they know those ahead of them aren't in the same predicament?).

- The passenger who decides to go to the lav just as the flight attendants start wheeling the cart down the aisle (forcing them to wheel it back 20 rows to let them back in).

- The Disney-like security line at DEN (all that's missing is It's A Small World After All being piped in over the speakers).

- Any passenger who looks like Mohammed Atta's cousin Faisal (Does he look nervous? One suspicious move and that Motha F***a's goin' down!)

- Standing there in uniform, with arms outstretched, and being wanded as Faisal walks right on through!

 

[leardawg]

When you catch the eye of some hot chick, strike up a conversation, decide to "Do it" off the jet way, get caught, turns out she's only 16, she claims you forced yourself on her, you go to jail, get fired, become the subject of ridicule and scorn by your peers, have the charges dropped because the girl just isn't credible, and wind up spending the rest of your career flying cases of fake plastic dog-doo in a beat up old Beech-18 at 2 a.m. I HATE when that happens. ..... Oh, wait a minute; that was someone else. Never mind!

 

[XTW]

Lavs

When someone goes into one of those nasty lavs either:

A. In stocking feet

or worse

B. Barefoot


Talk about disgusting!uke:



X

 

[DetoXJ]

Company makes reservation for a one-way trip 2 hours before departure (have to wait till the last minute because plans might change).

Can't get a boarding pass at the kiosk because the ticket wasn't paid for by the travel drone who made the reservation, and no opportunity half the time to get online or on 800 number to do the deal.

Almost guaranteed to get "SSSS" on the boarding pass in spite of the IBAC crew badge and uniform. Ticket agent swears he/she doesn't have authority to exempt IBAC badge. TSA folks swear it's the ticket agents who do the exempting.

Oh yeah..all the above too.

Don't show them the boarding pass. TSA doesn't need to know you have a boarding pass with SSSSS on it. Just flash the badge and walk through. I never show TSA my boarding pass when I'm deadheading or non revving.

 

[C425Driver]

I just LOVE the people who don't make a peep in the boarding area but as soon as they take their seat in the airplane they get on their cell phone and talk as loud as they can so all the people three gates away can hear them. "Hi honey, I'm on the runway....."

I had an aisle seat on a flight to Cincinnati a few years ago. As we were pulling into the gate, I heard all the seatbelts coming undone while we were still moving (I think this gets you off the airplane faster if you do this). All of a sudden the Captain slammed on the brakes and some guy went flying by me in the aisle. He was already getting his stuff out of the overhead before we came to a stop. As he was picking himself up off the floor, he was grumbling about suing the airline or something stupid like that. The nice lady (plain clothes non-rev it turned out) sitting in front of me looked at him and said, "The seat belt sign is still on for a reason and it applies to you". We all got a good laugh at his expense.

 

[PacoPollo]

Ah what's the point of gratifying this guy?

Hmmm M they really look good! No really!!

 

[acaTerry]

Hmmm M they really look good! No really!!

Have you EVER anything to say that's worth taking the time to read?

 

[leardawg]

And used to this crap.

Traveling is a huge "freak out" for the "average Joe", I would expect you to be sympathetic.

(The well-endowed, T-shirt wearing Angelina Jolie look-alike seated next to you who makes it IMPOSSIBLE to review your aircraft limitations and procedures while travelling on day 1! :crying: )

@$&* the limits!!! May I suggest "Hey baby, I'm a pilot"! (please check ID, reference Flt Options)

And what about the nice gentleman that couldn't get his "shoe bomb" lit, (and me without a lighter (TSA took it))

We ferried 2 Army Ultras to maintenance today and American called us to board. The lady at the gate said we made it with about 30 seconds to spare! Then we got on and sat for 15 minutes before we pushed (I timed it).

(we ran to get food because the last American flight was 30 minutes late).

It is just humorous as you all have pointed out...

Ah the gene pool...

Are you and Miss Kitty Kat related?

 

[Ty Webb]

You guys are killing me . . . . one of the funniest strings I have read in a while.

People lose their minds when they get to the airport. How about those idiots that are moving in the flow of traffic through the concourse, and just STOP for no apparent reason, while you're hauling ass right behind them pulling 80 lbs of baggage . . . . . completely oblivious of everyone around them.

Two more to add-

A couple of weeks ago, I ordered a Bacardi and Coke, and the "aisle donkey" suggested that I buy two Bacardis at once which seemed smart. . . .but then she handed me a 6 ounce cup of coke to mix it with, and hauled ass! Hello, sweetheart, do ya think I might need a little more mixer? There ain't no such thing as a "rum martini".

Oh, and how about the clowns that take their seats and then suddenly decide they need to swim upstream to use the lav during boarding . . . . what planet do these fools come from? Hello! You just sat there for 45 minutes looking at restroom sign in the terminal, now you want to play salmon up the aisle during boarding to lock yourself in a frigging coat closet to take a dump? Do the whole planet a favor and don't reproduce.

 

[787]

Don't show them the boarding pass. TSA doesn't need to know you have a boarding pass with SSSSS on it. Just flash the badge and walk through. I never show TSA my boarding pass when I'm deadheading or non revving.

Grasshopper, that works if and only if your ID is issued by an airline that participates in the TSA's AOSSP(FAR 121, 108, 109). Too bad for the frac guys getting a ride home.

 

[FL420]

Don't show them the boarding pass. TSA doesn't need to know you have a boarding pass with SSSS on it. Just flash the badge and walk through. I never show TSA my boarding pass when I'm deadheading or non revving.

The Gate Agents are supposed to call TSA when they notice a Boarding Pass with the SSSS that hasn't been punched or marked to indicate you were passed through the Security Checkpoint. You are likely to end up someday holding up the pushback while two TSA folks search and wand you and your stuff at the gate.

You can usually avoid the SSSS at the kiosk by inputting your Frequent Flier number before you do anything else like selecting a seat. If you still get them you can go to the counter, showing your 121 ID(not sure about 135 or 91) to a supervisor and asking them to make the SSSS disappear.

 

[FL420]

People who wear huge backpacks who swing around and hit you in the face with them in a crowded jetway, aisle or on the tram.

People in front of you who recline their seats rapidly w/o warning, especially when your laptop is on the tray.

 

[niteflyr]

My personal biggest pet peeve is two words - "Regional Jet"


These are not meant for any flight longer than 2 hours, seats suck!

HOWEVER, did ride in a new 70 seater that had a first class in it and got the upgrade, not a bad ride. All the seats should be like the ones in first.