Moronic Flight Attendant Stories

[moscowcfi]

On my first flight to Canada we were all driving to the hotel when our forty-something flight attendant, who was new (but that's no excuse) suddenly says: "Where are we? I mean...Where is Canada, anyways?" She proceded to tell us that she grew up in the South and never traveled much. We were stunned.

I then said to her: "Well, do you know where Australia is?" Her reply was more stunning then her question: "Well OF COURSE I know where Australia is." As if that was a given. Then: "Well, I know OF it." To which I replied: "Well, we're nowhere near it." The captain nearly hurt himself laughing.

She did have a sense of humor, though, and let us have fun at her expense for the rest of the trip. In case you were wondering, no, she really did not know where the country of Canada is located.

 

[cl65capt]

Heard second hand but from a good source. FA on a layover in some exotic carribean location steps on a sea urchin. Captain tells her urine is the only thing that will cure the swelling. She gets a bucket, has the whole crew relieve themselves into it and soaks her foot in it. Maybe more disgusting than funny but what the heck.

 

[Rook]

Had an F/A try to school me on the signifigance of D-Day.

Me...so what's so important about D-day again?
Her...You mean you don't know?
Me...no tell me
Her...That's when the French invaded Normandy.
Me...Let me buy you another drink honey.

Rook

 

[JetFumes]

Did a flight up to new york state one time prior to 911. After the FA was done with her service, she came up to talk. While she was up there the plane was about to go into a single, but very large, cotton ball of a cloud. As we got real close I said, " Oh cr@p, were going to hit that thing!" the Fo caught on quick and we both put our hand in front of our faces and yelled " oh no!" The flight attendant starting screaming. We started laughing and had to spend a few moment calming her down after she got the joke.

 

[OPECJet]

Originally Posted by Dangerkitty
I think that story above is about to get "urban rumor" status. I have heard it at Continental Express, American Airlines, and now on flightinfo twice. Its a funny story but I doubt its authenticity. Unless of course it comes with a statement of authenticity from the Franklin Mint."


I've heard it's been said before also. That's why I dam near passed out from laughing so hard when this girl said it.

 

[Lear70]

I've had more than one of our flight attendants say something similar. None of them know the licensing and certification process for ANY aviation career, no surprise really, some of them really ARE that gullible.

"It's like driving a car, right?"

*sigh* "Sure."

 

[StuckInASaab]

I could have been a pilot!!!

I started working for my company one week before a flight attendant class started. Their ground school was over before ours was. When I was on IOE, I saw one of the girls that I had seen during training, but hadn't seen in 3-4 weeks. Heres how the conversation went, almost word for word:

F/A: "Where have you been, I havn't seen you in a few weeks?"
Me: " I've been in St. Louis finishing training."
F/A: "What took you so long?"
Me: "Nothing. Our training is 6 weeks long."
F/A "So you mean to tell me that all I had to do was another 3 weeks of training and I could have been a pilot."

I thought she was kidding until she complained to one of the other girls in the crew room, who laughed and clued her in.

 

[Dangerkitty]

I started working for my company one week before a flight attendant class started. Their ground school was over before ours was. When I was on IOE, I saw one of the girls that I had seen during training, but hadn't seen in 3-4 weeks. Heres how the conversation went, almost word for word:

F/A: "Where have you been, I havn't seen you in a few weeks?"
Me: " I've been in St. Louis finishing training."
F/A: "What took you so long?"
Me: "Nothing. Our training is 6 weeks long."
F/A "So you mean to tell me that all I had to do was another 3 weeks of training and I could have been a pilot."

I thought she was kidding until she complained to one of the other girls in the crew room, who laughed and clued her in.

I wonder how many times we can have the same story repeated over and over on this thread!

 

[CF34-3B1]

This one was so good it was actually used in CRM class here for a while.

On the inrange call to DFW, Brasilia crew is advised they're swapping A/C for the next leg.

PNF calls back to the F/A and says "When we get to Dallas we're losing the airplane."

After they taxi in and shut down, crew opens the cockpit door to applause and nearly hysterical passengers.

Seems the FA had prepped the cabin for an emergency evac because they were about to 'lose' the airplane.

 

[J32driver]

Trucking across the central part of the country in a Bae146.

Flight attendant comes up to deliver a round of cokes and decides to stay and chat for a while. Through the course of the conversation, she noticed a VERY long, straight, dark shadow, running across the ground that had been cast by a contrail overhead. She asked what that dark line was. Without missing a beat, the captain chimes in with "Thats how they mark the state lines." The flight attendant responds with "I didn't know that. I'm going to call the other FA, I think she'd really enjoy seeing that too"

We kept this one going for 4 days. It didn't fall apart until the last day of the trip when she noticed a "state line" on top of a cloud deck below us.