Moronic Flight Attendant Stories

[jetexas]

Flying out of SJU, occasionally the FA would call up and ask what island we were over. I would always answer "Gilligans Island!" or "Fantasy Island". Some would catch it, some would not. It was always funny to listen to their PA (in a thick puerto rican accent). "Layees un Genulmah, Jus so shew kno. We ah oer Gilligans Islan". Good thing it was in the ATR, otherwise the pax might have heard us laughing up there. I always wondered how many Pax were back there going "Oh cool, so that's where it is!" Or.."WTF??"

 

[RSRVWINDSURFR]

Funny Ramper/ Jumpseater

One time we were sitting at the gate waiting for the ground crew to finish up below. The captain's buddy (a DC-10 SO) was sitting in the jumpseat. We were all making fun of this funny looking ramper while we were waiting. 10 minutes later, we were all buttoned up and ready to go when the funny looking guy jumps on the tug and puts the headsets on. Our jumpseater says " Oh, how nice! They let the retarded guy drive the tug!" I just about died! My captain says, "Dude, the E145 has a hot mike with the tug." The jumpseater says " Yeah right, you're full of $hit..." The pissed off tug driver looks up and starts nodding his head. Not another word came out of any of us until he unhooked.......

 

[IAHERJ]

Back at Express one evening out of CLE, the first officer and I were taking an empty Brasilia down to SDF. The fairly new FA wanted to sit in the jumpseat for the trip and listen on the headset. I told her that she was welcomed to do this however she still needed to make all of her normal announcements for the cabin recorder to pick up. The FO and I made it all through her safety PA's withoug laughing while we taxied out. A few minutes after takeoff she caught us by surprise when she started rambling on about Continental and Continental Express welcome our OnePass members "Onepass members are earning valuable miles for their flight today". We started laughing and uncontrollably and she felt a bit stupid. Truth is, she was.

Last week at my current employer, we had a newbie visiting us on a long leg from the Northeast to FLA. She noted that the stars were so beautiful through our eyebrow windows. I told her that the view was even neater through our telescopes. The captain quickly caught on and I reached up over my head to pull the map light out. She gracefully leaned over me and stuck her eye to the lense and said "it's dark, I don't see anything." The CA was getting a nice view as well if you know what I mean so I kept trying to fix it for her. Then I suggested she try the CA's scope as maintenance is well aware that we don't need to shoot celestial fixes much anymore and might have neglected to clean it during routine maintenance. The captain's did not seem to work either. She tried mine once more and I turned on the light. She slapped me when she figured the whole thing out but we all had a good laugh that night.

 

[jsand757]

What seperates two raging alcoholics from a nymphomanic?


The Cockpit Door.

 

[atpcliff]

Hi!

The FA didn't know where Canada was? I'm shocked!

In the early '80s there was a geography study given to kids in college-they did pretty bad. About 1/3 of the students at the U. of Miami (FL) could not locate Miami on a US map.

Reagan said that N. Dakota was part of Canada and New Mexico was part of Mexico (maybe it was because of the Alzheimer's though-not so funny).

CLiff
YIP

 

[ifly4food]

I landed in Monterrey Mexico once and had the FA ask me where Mexico was. I tried to explain and she seemed to think we were in Cuba or something!

FA: So where are we anyhow?
Me: Monterrey Mexico.
FA: I know that... Where is Mexico, south of Florida?
Me: Actually south of Texas.
FA: Texas? Isn't that near California?

 

[Cadillac]

Had an FA ask me what school I attended to get my flight ratings. I immediately answered "Devry." She looked a little troubled and the captain was about lose it. "I didn't know you could get your license that way. . . "



Same one asked who did the landing. "We used the autoland that time." "Wow, it does a great job!" (EMB-145)

 

[Typhoon1244]

We had a gal who was told, for weight and balance purposes, to move one [passenger] from "A" to "C." (For those of you have have more advanced W&B systems than we do at ASA, that's from the front of the cabin to the back.)

Yup, you guessed it. She moved the person in 1A to 1C.

 

[Ailerongirl]

These are so funny, but at the same time so embarrassing!