Welcome to Flightinfo.com

  • Register now and join the discussion
  • Friendliest aviation Ccmmunity on the web
  • Modern site for PC's, Phones, Tablets - no 3rd party apps required
  • Ask questions, help others, promote aviation
  • Share the passion for aviation
  • Invite everyone to Flightinfo.com and let's have fun

Moronic Flight Attendant Stories

Welcome to Flightinfo.com

  • Register now and join the discussion
  • Modern secure site, no 3rd party apps required
  • Invite your friends
  • Share the passion of aviation
  • Friendliest aviation community on the web
On my first flight to Canada we were all driving to the hotel when our forty-something flight attendant, who was new (but that's no excuse) suddenly says: "Where are we? I mean...Where is Canada, anyways?" She proceded to tell us that she grew up in the South and never traveled much. We were stunned.

I then said to her: "Well, do you know where Australia is?" Her reply was more stunning then her question: "Well OF COURSE I know where Australia is." As if that was a given. Then: "Well, I know OF it." To which I replied: "Well, we're nowhere near it." The captain nearly hurt himself laughing.

She did have a sense of humor, though, and let us have fun at her expense for the rest of the trip. In case you were wondering, no, she really did not know where the country of Canada is located.
 
Heard second hand but from a good source. FA on a layover in some exotic carribean location steps on a sea urchin. Captain tells her urine is the only thing that will cure the swelling. She gets a bucket, has the whole crew relieve themselves into it and soaks her foot in it. Maybe more disgusting than funny but what the heck.
 
Did a flight up to new york state one time prior to 911. After the FA was done with her service, she came up to talk. While she was up there the plane was about to go into a single, but very large, cotton ball of a cloud. As we got real close I said, " Oh cr@p, were going to hit that thing!" the Fo caught on quick and we both put our hand in front of our faces and yelled " oh no!" The flight attendant starting screaming. We started laughing and had to spend a few moment calming her down after she got the joke.
 
Originally Posted by Dangerkitty
I think that story above is about to get "urban rumor" status. I have heard it at Continental Express, American Airlines, and now on flightinfo twice. Its a funny story but I doubt its authenticity. Unless of course it comes with a statement of authenticity from the Franklin Mint."


I've heard it's been said before also. That's why I dam near passed out from laughing so hard when this girl said it.
 
I've had more than one of our flight attendants say something similar. None of them know the licensing and certification process for ANY aviation career, no surprise really, some of them really ARE that gullible.

"It's like driving a car, right?"

*sigh* "Sure."
;)
 
I could have been a pilot!!!

I started working for my company one week before a flight attendant class started. Their ground school was over before ours was. When I was on IOE, I saw one of the girls that I had seen during training, but hadn't seen in 3-4 weeks. Heres how the conversation went, almost word for word:

F/A: "Where have you been, I havn't seen you in a few weeks?"
Me: " I've been in St. Louis finishing training."
F/A: "What took you so long?"
Me: "Nothing. Our training is 6 weeks long."
F/A "So you mean to tell me that all I had to do was another 3 weeks of training and I could have been a pilot."

I thought she was kidding until she complained to one of the other girls in the crew room, who laughed and clued her in.
 
StuckInASaab said:
I started working for my company one week before a flight attendant class started. Their ground school was over before ours was. When I was on IOE, I saw one of the girls that I had seen during training, but hadn't seen in 3-4 weeks. Heres how the conversation went, almost word for word:

F/A: "Where have you been, I havn't seen you in a few weeks?"
Me: " I've been in St. Louis finishing training."
F/A: "What took you so long?"
Me: "Nothing. Our training is 6 weeks long."
F/A "So you mean to tell me that all I had to do was another 3 weeks of training and I could have been a pilot."

I thought she was kidding until she complained to one of the other girls in the crew room, who laughed and clued her in.

I wonder how many times we can have the same story repeated over and over on this thread!:D
 
This one was so good it was actually used in CRM class here for a while.

On the inrange call to DFW, Brasilia crew is advised they're swapping A/C for the next leg.

PNF calls back to the F/A and says "When we get to Dallas we're losing the airplane."

After they taxi in and shut down, crew opens the cockpit door to applause and nearly hysterical passengers.

Seems the FA had prepped the cabin for an emergency evac because they were about to 'lose' the airplane.
 
Trucking across the central part of the country in a Bae146.

Flight attendant comes up to deliver a round of cokes and decides to stay and chat for a while. Through the course of the conversation, she noticed a VERY long, straight, dark shadow, running across the ground that had been cast by a contrail overhead. She asked what that dark line was. Without missing a beat, the captain chimes in with "Thats how they mark the state lines." The flight attendant responds with "I didn't know that. I'm going to call the other FA, I think she'd really enjoy seeing that too"

We kept this one going for 4 days. It didn't fall apart until the last day of the trip when she noticed a "state line" on top of a cloud deck below us.
 
Flying out of SJU, occasionally the FA would call up and ask what island we were over. I would always answer "Gilligans Island!" or "Fantasy Island". Some would catch it, some would not. It was always funny to listen to their PA (in a thick puerto rican accent). "Layees un Genulmah, Jus so shew kno. We ah oer Gilligans Islan". Good thing it was in the ATR, otherwise the pax might have heard us laughing up there. I always wondered how many Pax were back there going "Oh cool, so that's where it is!" Or.."WTF??"
 
Funny Ramper/ Jumpseater

One time we were sitting at the gate waiting for the ground crew to finish up below. The captain's buddy (a DC-10 SO) was sitting in the jumpseat. We were all making fun of this funny looking ramper while we were waiting. 10 minutes later, we were all buttoned up and ready to go when the funny looking guy jumps on the tug and puts the headsets on. Our jumpseater says " Oh, how nice! They let the retarded guy drive the tug!" I just about died! My captain says, "Dude, the E145 has a hot mike with the tug." The jumpseater says " Yeah right, you're full of $hit..." The pissed off tug driver looks up and starts nodding his head. Not another word came out of any of us until he unhooked.......
 
Back at Express one evening out of CLE, the first officer and I were taking an empty Brasilia down to SDF. The fairly new FA wanted to sit in the jumpseat for the trip and listen on the headset. I told her that she was welcomed to do this however she still needed to make all of her normal announcements for the cabin recorder to pick up. The FO and I made it all through her safety PA's withoug laughing while we taxied out. A few minutes after takeoff she caught us by surprise when she started rambling on about Continental and Continental Express welcome our OnePass members "Onepass members are earning valuable miles for their flight today". We started laughing and uncontrollably and she felt a bit stupid. Truth is, she was.

Last week at my current employer, we had a newbie visiting us on a long leg from the Northeast to FLA. She noted that the stars were so beautiful through our eyebrow windows. I told her that the view was even neater through our telescopes. The captain quickly caught on and I reached up over my head to pull the map light out. She gracefully leaned over me and stuck her eye to the lense and said "it's dark, I don't see anything." The CA was getting a nice view as well if you know what I mean so I kept trying to fix it for her. Then I suggested she try the CA's scope as maintenance is well aware that we don't need to shoot celestial fixes much anymore and might have neglected to clean it during routine maintenance. The captain's did not seem to work either. She tried mine once more and I turned on the light. She slapped me when she figured the whole thing out but we all had a good laugh that night.
 
Hi!

The FA didn't know where Canada was? I'm shocked!

In the early '80s there was a geography study given to kids in college-they did pretty bad. About 1/3 of the students at the U. of Miami (FL) could not locate Miami on a US map.

Reagan said that N. Dakota was part of Canada and New Mexico was part of Mexico (maybe it was because of the Alzheimer's though-not so funny).

CLiff
YIP
 
I landed in Monterrey Mexico once and had the FA ask me where Mexico was. I tried to explain and she seemed to think we were in Cuba or something!

FA: So where are we anyhow?
Me: Monterrey Mexico.
FA: I know that... Where is Mexico, south of Florida?
Me: Actually south of Texas.
FA: Texas? Isn't that near California?
 
Had an FA ask me what school I attended to get my flight ratings. I immediately answered "Devry." She looked a little troubled and the captain was about lose it. "I didn't know you could get your license that way. . . "



Same one asked who did the landing. "We used the autoland that time." "Wow, it does a great job!" (EMB-145)
 
We had a gal who was told, for weight and balance purposes, to move one [passenger] from "A" to "C." (For those of you have have more advanced W&B systems than we do at ASA, that's from the front of the cabin to the back.)

Yup, you guessed it. She moved the person in 1A to 1C.
 

Latest resources

Back
Top