Moronic Flight Attendant Stories

[ERJDRVR]

bump... too funny to let die.

 

[FL000]

Calling Dr. Engrish, Dr. GammEr, Dr. Speiling

Dr. Irony

 

[Carl S.]

Once asked the F/A if she participated in the company 401k...
No, she responded, I'm not a runner....

 

[OPECJet]

Overheard an FA complaining about her job in the crew room. She was ranting about how pilots had it so easy, and since the training was only 4 weeks longer than FA training, she was going back for the extra 4 weeks so she could be a pilot.

 

[Dangerkitty]

Overheard an FA complaining about her job in the crew room. She was ranting about how pilots had it so easy, and since the training was only 4 weeks longer than FA training, she was going back for the extra 4 weeks so she could be a pilot.

I think that story above is about to get "urban rumor" status. I have heard it at Continental Express, American Airlines, and now on flightinfo twice. Its a funny story but I doubt its authenticity. Unless of course it comes with a statement of authenticity from the Franklin Mint.

 

[CLE145CA]

Back before we had weight & balance functions in our ACARS, we did a paper w&b before each flight and handed a copy to the F/A to hand out the main door to the station personnel for filing. Well, sometimes when the clock ran down and the w&b was not done, we would instead shut the main door to trip the ACARS out time and then send the w&b out the cockpit window afterwards.

One day, things were running behind and the F/A was told to shut the door and that the w&b would be handed out the window instead. F/A said OK and the main cabin door slammed shut. Several minutes later, the w&b was completed, and as the CA looked up to hand the form out the window, saw that the F/A was standing in the jetway next to the cockpit window waiting for the form.

That is a true story. This same F/A was working a flight with an armed-agent on board. The agent came down, showed his badge and said, "Hi, my name is Mike and I'm a L.E.O."

She said, "Nice to meet you. My name is *censored* and I'm a Virgo."

He looks at her dumbfounded and says, "No, I am a L.E.O. L-E-O"

She says, "And I'm a V-I-R-G-O!"

Another story related to ATRredneck's: Back on the Brasilia when we were doing all those Spanish-speaking flight attendant hires (i.e. non-English speaking) I had a flight to Laredo, TX.

The flight attendant and I were walking to our plane and I am relaying a story. She just keeps looking at me and smiling the entire time. Well, we get to the hard-stand in IAH and I open the door to the aircraft. The typical 150 degree interior heat comes out since no a/c cart is hooked up.

Now if anyone doesn't know what the Brasilia is like in the summer time on the ramp with no a/c...let's just say Port-O'Potty at an outdoor rocket concert. The stench was horrible.

I told her, "I am going to call for lav service and an aircart."

She said, "Es OK I got coke."

"No, I am calling for lav service and an aircart."

"No, no need no ice."

"No, you don't understand. Stinky in here. Puew!? We need lav service."

"No, we no need no catering. Gots all."

I relayed the story to the captain when he showed up at the airplane. He asked her if the lav had been cleaned. She said, "We no need nothing."

That is when the captain went to inflight and filed a complaint. Absolutely true story. Wasn't funny at the time, but man is it fun to tell and watch people start rolling.

 

[KeroseneSnorter]

I think that story above is about to get "urban rumor" status. I have heard it at Continental Express, American Airlines, and now on flightinfo twice. Its a funny story but I doubt its authenticity. Unless of course it comes with a statement of authenticity from the Franklin Mint.

No it's a true story.....it's just that so many F/A's have no idea what it takes to be a pilot. Many had never been on an airplane more than once or twice before getting hired.

I have had two F/A's make the same statement to me, at the same airline.

It sounds like an urban legend simply because so many F/A's are clueless and make the same silly remark.

I can probably print up a statement of authenticity from furloughed, mint eating pilots association though if you like!

 

[jetexas]

On the ATR I had one bring me the head count and say "31 pax". There were 9 pax in section A, and 12 in section B. Since she didn't fill out the C section count, I just assumed there were 10 there and started to fill that out. She said "oh theres no one in C". I said, oh ok, then there must only be 21 Pax, not 31.
At this she said, "No, 31 passengers.. 9 + 12 is 31!"
I had her count on her fingers and she still didn't get it. She stormed out of the cockpit saying "9 +12 'IS' 31 ... and stop messing with me!!"

 

[chperplt]

I had her count on her fingers and she still didn't get it. She stormed out of the cockpit saying "9 +12 'IS' 31 ... and stop messing with me!!"

That's too funny.. I've had a similar experience more than once.

 

[Flechas]

What are you guys talking about, 21 + 9 is 21!