Moronic Flight Attendant Stories

[skyaddict]

BTV. Vermont ANG Hangars have dates commemorating the military lineage to 1776. We pointed it out to the FA and that this is the oldest air unit in the country, almost 230 years old, and she bought it.~

Another one: on a repo flight, FA was told to buckle up as we were about to do a barrel roll, and when it didn't happen she asked when it was coming.

Oh, we've had all sorts of interesting FA interpretations as to what the automated "minimums" call is, including "mini-bumps" (ahoy! mini-bumps ahead!).

 

[exdashdriver]

Not really a story of a moronic FA, but funny none the less….



I was a brand-spankn’ new FO on the mighty Dash 8 and still learning how to land the ugly beast. We were going into Philly, runway 35, I was flying and it was VERY busy (one of those days you love to be at PHL). Five miles out my IOE Capt tells me not to worry about finesse on this one—just put it down and get off the runway. Well that’s exactly what I did….one of the toughest landings I’ve had.



We park, shutdown and unload. After the last pax is off, the FA bursts into the flight deck and yells “Who the F*%^# did that landing?” The Capt smirks and points over at me. She looked right in my eyes and said “I want to thank you. That landing was so hard…YOU STARTED MY PERIOD EARLY!” The Capt almost started to cry he was laughing so hard.



She gave me a little wink, turned around and left. Needless to say I paid for the drinks that night.

 

[767200]

A friend of mine flying for a carrier down in South America told me this story;


A brand new F/A was doing 2 consecutive turns to the same city on the same day. So when they got to the city (the first time) the Capt made up some story and told her to get to the check in area and bring some "paperwork". The gate agents, aware of the trick, stalled her for quite some time so when she finally got back the airplane had already left....without her......she cried until the gate agents told her it was the "usual" thing to do to new F/A.....

 

[FL000]

New flight attendent loitering in cockpit before boarding asks,

"Hey, what botton do you guys hit when you need to call me for something?"

The Captain, who moments before seemed be be totally ignoring the conversation, points to a selector botton for the DG controller labeled SLAVE.

The flight attendants eyes grew huge in disgust and disbelief, and she stormed out of the cockpit.

At the end of the day she still honestly believed her call botton was labeled SLAVE.

I told her the airplane was made in Canada, and that they aren't very PC up North just yet.

and you don't know how to spell "button." I'm thinking you don't need to be sharing dumb F/A stories.

 

[Metro752]

and you don't know how to spell "button." I'm thinking you don't need to be sharing dumb F/A stories.

Calling Dr. Engrish, Dr. GammEr, Dr. Speiling

 

[ABXbooger]

Heres a couple from when I flew pax:

I got some "comat" stickers from ops and asked the FA for some plastic ice bags. I filled the stickers in with meaningless data, then called the FA back to the cockpit. I told her we had to get some "air samples" from every other row of the plane from the gaspers. 10 minutes later I had several puffy bags of air!

On the E-120 there were 2 hydraulic systems, blue and green. Occasionally the fluid would be "low". We would tell the FA that we needed her to flush the lav to increase the blue system. They where usually amazed.

Going into CHO one night, about 10 minutes out, I chimed the FA to sit em down. I heard her do her spiel then the lav door opened and a foul odor emanated. The CA looked at me I said "not me" then said it was someone in the lav, he told me to call back and get them outta there, we're landing. As I chimed the FA, I heard the door open and the FA answered. I asked her if someone was in the lav, her reply..."well I just was but it's empty now". My only answer was "nevermind"

No more FA's, no more pax...gotta love it!

 

[Rez O. Lewshun]

Pretty dang funny IMO. But not too sure there were any Mensa society members onboard this flight. I mean, the crater hit the earth ? Good story nonetheless.

Ouch.....

Now, if I were an FA that would be funny......


DL pilot told me the crater story and aslo this one...

Took off out of SFO. Longer than normal vectors westbound up to FL200. FA comes into the cockpit and says 'WOW! What body of water is that?'

Pilot says, 'Ummm thats the Pacific Ocean.'
FA replies 'No its not. (thinking he is trying to fool her and she concludes...) I've been to Hawaii before, I've seen the Pacific Ocean.'

(What do you do....?????)

 

[Dangerkitty]

Calling Dr. Engrish, Dr. GammEr, Dr. Speiling

Its all fun and games until someone starts the grammar and spelling critque.

 

[ATRedneck]

This brand new FA goes to the pharmacy and asks for a box of 30 condoms, each one different and unique. The pharmacist scrounges around and finds a variety pack, and off goes the FA.

This goes on for many months, so that the pharmacist recognizes the FA and gets the variety pack o' condoms out for her.

After about 8 months she comes in and the pharmacist says, "Hey, I have your variety pack for ya."

The FA replies, "Sorry, not this month. I need a pack of 30 rubbers, every one identical."

So the pharmacist digs out a regular old box of 30, and as he's ringing her up, he asks her, "You've been buying the variety pack of condoms for nearly a year. You mind if I ask, why the change all of a sudden?"

To which the FA answers, "I got a line this month!"

 

[MarineGrunt]

Sort of a moronic ramper story, but at the expense of an FA.

We were finishing loading bags on a already full CRJ, and the other ramper started telling stories about the FA on board. For those that don't know, pax in the cabin can hear almost EVERYTHING that is said in the baggage compartment of the CRJ, since most of the time we are shouting to hear over the APU. Anyway, this dude started sharing stories (not knowing others could hear) about the FA having a threesome with a certain Captain and FO (at least I think that was the line-up). The story got pretty graphic. I toss the last bag up to him and turn around to jump off the baggage cart, only to see ONE PI$$ED OFF FA standing there! The only thing I could think of doing is saying "IT WASN'T ME!", as I took off running to my tug and driving as fast and far away as possible. I felt kinda bad leaving him to fend for himself, but if you saw the look on this chick's face, you'da been gone too! Must have been a loooong flight for her!