Married and Commuting

[GEORGE DUBYA]

Anyone married and commute like to shart their thoughts? good or bad?

 

[English]

Anyone married and commute like to shart their thoughts? good or bad?

I'd love to shart my thoughts.

Your marriage will be stronger if you don't commute.

 

[Sig]

I was married when I commuted.

I moved to the beach (30 minutes from base) and got a divorce.

Really, really ask yourself the important question:
Why are you married?

Just kidding. Don't commute, married or single.

 

[IamGumbyDammit]

Your marriage is more important than your job.

 

[GEORGE DUBYA]

Anyone with positive unsarcastic experiences?

 

[Swaayze]

works ok if your wife truly understands what she's getting into and she has some support (friends/family) nearby (especially if you have kids). But if you don't really, really want to live somewhere specific out of base then don't do it!

 

[NRHPilot]

George,

Commuting married or single has a lot of other factors. Frequency, and time are just some that are important. I have a 40 minute commute flight that runs about every hour. I have done it for over 5 years and my wife has not once ever complained. The commute actually improves our quality of life since we live near family and friends and enjoy a better cost of living and live next to excellent schools. Hope it helps.

NRH.

 

[Master Shake]

My wife has been very supportive, but due in no small part to the fact that the commuting is coming to and end...soon. If it was not ending, I'd move to the base I'm at now and be OK with it. My wife couldn't handle it if I had to commute for the rest of my career. Neither could I.

 

[rvsm410]

Commuting Sucks, Bad for the Family

Well you all have seen my original post about MCO commuting......I just had 2 wonderful job opportunties which required extensive commuting, my wife has a very good Job here and is not about to leave...she was very supportive, I have done it before......It does make the heart grow fonder in many cases, in some it hurts the marrage badly...

I have spent the past week measuring and writing down all the pro's and con's of these jobs, the costs of crashpads, etc....The bottom line is one thing, Quality of your own Life and the lives of those that love you and depend on you for many intangable things everyday!.....

Once I boiled it all down, the bottom of the pot had my family and wife as the source of my quality of life, I work to live not live to work....I do love aviation, but I firmly believe its a young single persons job to hold...but at some point you wil get married and the kids, and you will want to be there for them, and for YOU...

Commuting is not ever an exact science, never will be and it got much worse for dispach folks like myself after 9-11.....no more flt deck rides like the good ol' days....nope...now It fighting airline employees, their families, tons of stand-by PAX, Seniority if it applies, and the the first come first served BS when the gare agents play the favorites.....Impossible, I just started buying real tickets but that will burn up any $$$ you just earned real fast...so what is the point....

I am over it, I have officially resigned from the airline field if it means commuting, I will seek what ever I can find locally in the field, or do something else....Family and God first folks, keep the priorities in focus, it is sure easy to loose sight.....good luck in the pursuit of happiness..

 

[ultrarunner]

I did it for a while and it sucked. Here's how I looked at it...

I had a 12 days off per month guaranteed, and I subtracted from that, worst-case, TWO days per sequence, which some months was 8 days. Best case was 4 days.

You do the math.

Been-there-done-that....

I'll never do it again.

 

[Saabslime]

Commuting almost cost me my marriage at one point. Did it for three years and I'll NEVER do it again. Life is much more enjoyable without the stress of wondering if you'll be able to make it to work on time. Then spending that 4 day trip praying that you won't have a mechanical or weather that will get you in too late to make that last flight home. And thats if you're lucky enough to have a trip with the possibility of making it home the same day. If you have kids, it will only be a matter of time before you have a resentfull spouse on your hands. Think twice before commiting to the commuting life-style. Just my .02 from someone who's done it before.

 

[Cosmo1999]

Anyone married and commute like to shart their thoughts? good or bad?

I hated commuting and will never do it again. I live where im based and thats that. If the base ever closes I will either move or find something else. Commuting can get expensive with crashpad or hotel fees every month. Plus you spend way too much time checking loads. Over the summer and holidays you are always sweating it out getting to work. The flights are a lot fuller than they used to be. unfortunately sometimes circumstances require commuting. Most people dont have the option to commute like we do and have to move whenever they get transfered. Somehow they still find a way to make it work. The best thing to do is make it work so you can live where you are based.

 

[paid4training]

Everyone knows what AIDS stands for....

A irline
I nduced
D ivorce
S yndrom

 

[Guitar Guy]

I highly recommend not commuting if it all possible. Commuting adds extra expense, stress and time away from home. Although the choice is yours, of all the people that I know that have gone from commuting to not commuting, I've never heard anyone say, "My life was so much better when I was commuting."

As a former chief pilot at Americans once told a group of new-hire pilots, "I've never met a happy commuter".

 

[CaravanMan]

Good thread! I've been tossing the idea around about going for an airline job for a while now. Commuting had been a thought because we wouldn't be able to move to a base; wife makes decent money at her job, and we've gotten too comfortable with my salary. I'm glad you all have posted your thoughts; it's helping me with my own.

 

[PalmettoPilot]

Another important factor is the city you are trying to commute from. How many flights per day going to your base? How many legs to the base? Could you drive it if you had to? How many other commuters in the base?

Those are all good questions to ask before you make a decision. Another factor would be does your airline overnight at your home airport? Bid those lines and you're effectively home for the overnight.

 

[Captain Overs]

It has nothing to do with commuting. If you have a good marriage and wife it won't matter. I think the reason the divorce rate is so high is because people marry people who don't deal very well with the job and all it entails.

 

[Guitar Guy]

Another important factor is the city you are trying to commute from. How many flights per day going to your base? How many legs to the base? Could you drive it if you had to? How many other commuters in the base?

And there's also the question of time of year and if any of the cities are popular with vacationers, etc...

 

[densoo]

married and commute

oxymoron

Greek 'sharply dull' or 'pointedly foolish'

Figure of speech involving the combination of two or more words that are normally opposites, in order to startle.

http://www.highbeam.com/ref/doc0.asp?DOCID=1P1:100164544&num=3&ctrlInfo=Round9l%3AProdCtrl%3AREFSR%3AResult

 

[DoinTime]

Its interesting to see all the negative perspectives on commuting (and I share every one of them). Realistically speaking though a very strong majority of pilots commute. Why is that?

 

[Yank McCobb]

Realistically speaking though a very strong majority of pilots commute. Why is that?

Because they are tired of moving every year at the whims of the company closing and opening domiciles, moving flying around the system or to different partners' systems, having to start over and over with different companies, etc...etc.

After a while they say "frak it" and decide they are going to live HERE and wherever the job is, it is. It is simply not practical (or even financially responsible) to continue to move every year or so.

 

[Bluto]

Doin time, lots of pilots (I wouldn't say a majority) commute for many reasons. One of the biggest reasons historically is because, with the fickle nature of this industry, companies go out of business, or close domiciles, or displace pilots, etc. Once you own a house, have kids in school, a spouse with a job, etc. it becomes much tougher to pick up and move at the whim of your company.

Dubya, I strongly recommend against commuting. It was very tough on my wife and me and I only did it for a few months from LAX to IAH. My wife has worked in the industry and knows exactly what I go through at work and it is still very tough. From what I'm told, it's much worse when the wife thinks you spend all day hanging out in 4-star hotels drinking margaritas by the pool. I have few friends that have had marriages fail due to the frustrations of this industry even without commuting. Bottom line, if I absolutely had to do it again to support my family, I would, temporarily, until we could sell the house and move. Otherwise, I'm done commuting. My wife and baby are too important to me.

 

[PropsR4Boats]

First of all long commutes are not practical, so if you can look for a job is an easy commute. I.e. don’t commute from LAX to IAH that’s 8-9 hours round trip! Second, has anyone every considered QOL over fast upgrades? (upgrades that get you where?) Check out employers with a commuter clause. Besides those guys usually pay better and have more days off. I think its well worth the extra couple months on reserve and one more year to upgrade to live where you want and not have to have a stroke if a flight is full.

 

[hbrow15]

everyones situation is different, but for me commuting is probably better on family life as strange as that sounds. I figured I would be away on four day trips wheter I lived in base or commuted so I would be away regardless. If we moved then we would have to sell my house but would not be able to afford a house in the area I'm based so we would be in an apartment paying more than I am for my house in Fl. Then my wife would have to leave her job and try to find another and start all over again with her career, then try to find a baby sitter or daycare that we trust instead of the family friend that watches them now along with both sets of grandparents and other various family. Since I commute my kids get to grow up around grandparents and other cousins thier age and the rest of the family instead of a strange city. My wife can drop of the kids and get some time to herself and sometimes if I have a long layover somewhere she comes out and spends that day with me on the companys dime. It does get old sometimes but for me its better than completely changing my families life.

 

[psysicx]

It depends on the person.I know a guy who commutes from HNL to DTW and flies for NWA.But usually his wife usually goes with him.He says its not to bad if you plan ahead.

 

[TIGV]

I commuted while married, did it for 4 years so she could do her thing in CVG after taking a voluntary LOA from Delta's FA Dept.
Commuting or missing a commute cost me my job, losing my job and the coin cost me my marriage although in retrospect it was highly likely that this may have happened anyway had commuting continued.

Kinda done with commuting and kinda done with the marriage thing, not sure If I'm done with the aviation thing, we'll see.

 

[acaTerry]

Commuting stinks, period. Marriage is more important than any job, and you find out pretty quickly if you married the right girl in this job. I am one of the lucky ones. Hope you are too.

 

[Sig]

Anyone with positive unsarcastic experiences?

Suck it up, Francis. What the title of this thread SHOULD have read is, "It is obvious to me that generally, commuting is a tremendous strain on a marriage and family. Please somebody make me feel better and not tell me anything negative?"

Look son, commuting can be he!!. It is a LOT easier for me to hop in the car and get to base in 28 minutes, rather than a two-leg commute in and out of a popular resort city. My commute from doorstep to doorstep was 13 hours- unless there was a delay or a missed connection (in PHL? NO WAY). Can't really commute in and out of a trip on the first and lasts, right? So tack on an additional TWO DAYS away from home per trip. Longest stretch away from DFW: 25 days. That was he!!.

If you have a supporting wife that can be away from you at length as you essentially choose to work away from home, you will have no problems. Be afraid for your marriage- but make that a source to keep working at it. Consider it worth fighting for.

Mine wasn't- we are still good friends but were never more than "dating." It wasn't meant to be, and we decided that before the airlines called.

Are YOU up for commuting? Don't forget to take care of yourself, Dub.

My advice: Don't commute.

 

[skydonkey]

there have been some good posts above....i have commuted for 3 years all that time while married. i have recently had a baby and it has gone from difficult to barely manageable. I have an amazing wife that is truly understanding. she knows that i love what i do. but it still puts a tremedous amount of pressure on us both. the commuting will need to end soon, as i can barely take it.
i am working on a situation that would require no commuting but the timing is not right with my company. also, it is hard to move when your wife makes more than you.

if you can....live in your base. just my thoughts.

 

[tarp]

Before the flying job, I had the wonderful opportunity to sit in Washington DC Beltway traffic for 3 hours every day (about a 90 minute commute one-way). I was the most irritable person on the planet ready to tear my steering wheel off on most days.

So, then I got a flying job and joined a regional.

First job entailed a 90 minute flying commute to get to my "base". Great, now I had to get up eight hours early for work, drive to the airport, wait for a seat to open up ( I had no access on company from my home to my base airports), kiss butt, take a seat and hopefully not invoke the commuter policy today.

So I went from a 90 minute ordeal to an almost four hour ordeal getting to work every day. Time to spare, go by air.

"Honey, I thought you dutied off at noon today?"
"Yes, I did."
"Then why is it 10:00pm and you're still not here?"
"Because the 4 planes I tried to catch were full and I finally got a chance connecting through Baltimore."
"When are you getting home?"
"I'll be in the bed in the morning when you wake up".
"OK, should I leave any food out for you?"
"No, I'm too tired to eat."
"Ok, good night, love you."
"Yeah, me too."

Now repeat that process with your wife planning dinner with company or going to the movies or wanting to go shopping, etc. She was expecting you at 5:00pm. You can't guarantee anything.

And that's how you take a little ant bite out of your marriage. Ever take a bite of an apple and throw it on your lawn? Those ants can make that thing disappear by morning.

Now what was the question again?

I am married to a saint - commuting got old in two years and I can't even imagine if I had done it for all 5 of my years before furlough. Oh yeah, airlines furlough you too - not good for marriage either.