Married and Commuting

[Yank McCobb]

Realistically speaking though a very strong majority of pilots commute. Why is that?

Because they are tired of moving every year at the whims of the company closing and opening domiciles, moving flying around the system or to different partners' systems, having to start over and over with different companies, etc...etc.

After a while they say "frak it" and decide they are going to live HERE and wherever the job is, it is. It is simply not practical (or even financially responsible) to continue to move every year or so.

 

[Bluto]

Doin time, lots of pilots (I wouldn't say a majority) commute for many reasons. One of the biggest reasons historically is because, with the fickle nature of this industry, companies go out of business, or close domiciles, or displace pilots, etc. Once you own a house, have kids in school, a spouse with a job, etc. it becomes much tougher to pick up and move at the whim of your company.

Dubya, I strongly recommend against commuting. It was very tough on my wife and me and I only did it for a few months from LAX to IAH. My wife has worked in the industry and knows exactly what I go through at work and it is still very tough. From what I'm told, it's much worse when the wife thinks you spend all day hanging out in 4-star hotels drinking margaritas by the pool. I have few friends that have had marriages fail due to the frustrations of this industry even without commuting. Bottom line, if I absolutely had to do it again to support my family, I would, temporarily, until we could sell the house and move. Otherwise, I'm done commuting. My wife and baby are too important to me.

 

[PropsR4Boats]

First of all long commutes are not practical, so if you can look for a job is an easy commute. I.e. don’t commute from LAX to IAH that’s 8-9 hours round trip! Second, has anyone every considered QOL over fast upgrades? (upgrades that get you where?) Check out employers with a commuter clause. Besides those guys usually pay better and have more days off. I think its well worth the extra couple months on reserve and one more year to upgrade to live where you want and not have to have a stroke if a flight is full.

 

[hbrow15]

everyones situation is different, but for me commuting is probably better on family life as strange as that sounds. I figured I would be away on four day trips wheter I lived in base or commuted so I would be away regardless. If we moved then we would have to sell my house but would not be able to afford a house in the area I'm based so we would be in an apartment paying more than I am for my house in Fl. Then my wife would have to leave her job and try to find another and start all over again with her career, then try to find a baby sitter or daycare that we trust instead of the family friend that watches them now along with both sets of grandparents and other various family. Since I commute my kids get to grow up around grandparents and other cousins thier age and the rest of the family instead of a strange city. My wife can drop of the kids and get some time to herself and sometimes if I have a long layover somewhere she comes out and spends that day with me on the companys dime. It does get old sometimes but for me its better than completely changing my families life.

 

[psysicx]

It depends on the person.I know a guy who commutes from HNL to DTW and flies for NWA.But usually his wife usually goes with him.He says its not to bad if you plan ahead.

 

[TIGV]

I commuted while married, did it for 4 years so she could do her thing in CVG after taking a voluntary LOA from Delta's FA Dept.
Commuting or missing a commute cost me my job, losing my job and the coin cost me my marriage although in retrospect it was highly likely that this may have happened anyway had commuting continued.

Kinda done with commuting and kinda done with the marriage thing, not sure If I'm done with the aviation thing, we'll see.

 

[acaTerry]

Commuting stinks, period. Marriage is more important than any job, and you find out pretty quickly if you married the right girl in this job. I am one of the lucky ones. Hope you are too.

 

[Sig]

Anyone with positive unsarcastic experiences?

Suck it up, Francis. What the title of this thread SHOULD have read is, "It is obvious to me that generally, commuting is a tremendous strain on a marriage and family. Please somebody make me feel better and not tell me anything negative?"

Look son, commuting can be he!!. It is a LOT easier for me to hop in the car and get to base in 28 minutes, rather than a two-leg commute in and out of a popular resort city. My commute from doorstep to doorstep was 13 hours- unless there was a delay or a missed connection (in PHL? NO WAY). Can't really commute in and out of a trip on the first and lasts, right? So tack on an additional TWO DAYS away from home per trip. Longest stretch away from DFW: 25 days. That was he!!.

If you have a supporting wife that can be away from you at length as you essentially choose to work away from home, you will have no problems. Be afraid for your marriage- but make that a source to keep working at it. Consider it worth fighting for.

Mine wasn't- we are still good friends but were never more than "dating." It wasn't meant to be, and we decided that before the airlines called.

Are YOU up for commuting? Don't forget to take care of yourself, Dub.

My advice: Don't commute.

 

[skydonkey]

there have been some good posts above....i have commuted for 3 years all that time while married. i have recently had a baby and it has gone from difficult to barely manageable. I have an amazing wife that is truly understanding. she knows that i love what i do. but it still puts a tremedous amount of pressure on us both. the commuting will need to end soon, as i can barely take it.
i am working on a situation that would require no commuting but the timing is not right with my company. also, it is hard to move when your wife makes more than you.

if you can....live in your base. just my thoughts.

 

[tarp]

Before the flying job, I had the wonderful opportunity to sit in Washington DC Beltway traffic for 3 hours every day (about a 90 minute commute one-way). I was the most irritable person on the planet ready to tear my steering wheel off on most days.

So, then I got a flying job and joined a regional.

First job entailed a 90 minute flying commute to get to my "base". Great, now I had to get up eight hours early for work, drive to the airport, wait for a seat to open up ( I had no access on company from my home to my base airports), kiss butt, take a seat and hopefully not invoke the commuter policy today.

So I went from a 90 minute ordeal to an almost four hour ordeal getting to work every day. Time to spare, go by air.

"Honey, I thought you dutied off at noon today?"
"Yes, I did."
"Then why is it 10:00pm and you're still not here?"
"Because the 4 planes I tried to catch were full and I finally got a chance connecting through Baltimore."
"When are you getting home?"
"I'll be in the bed in the morning when you wake up".
"OK, should I leave any food out for you?"
"No, I'm too tired to eat."
"Ok, good night, love you."
"Yeah, me too."

Now repeat that process with your wife planning dinner with company or going to the movies or wanting to go shopping, etc. She was expecting you at 5:00pm. You can't guarantee anything.

And that's how you take a little ant bite out of your marriage. Ever take a bite of an apple and throw it on your lawn? Those ants can make that thing disappear by morning.

Now what was the question again?

I am married to a saint - commuting got old in two years and I can't even imagine if I had done it for all 5 of my years before furlough. Oh yeah, airlines furlough you too - not good for marriage either.