TrumanSparks
turn left at band aid
- Joined
- Nov 30, 2001
- Posts
- 116
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LUV gaining steam
- Thread starter Skyrunner
- Start date
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LiveFreeorDie
Large Member
- Joined
- Jun 30, 2002
- Posts
- 224
Major Project Update
This memo is the most recent update of major projects around our system that are either recently completed or to be done in the next 60-90 days. Not all major cities will be shown since some projects’ completion dates occur beyond the next 90 days.
All Cities: The installation of kiosks at all cities has been accelerated to accommodate the expected end of gate screening at many airports. All stations except LAS, ONT, SNA and STL should be complete the week of February 10, 2003; we are still working with those airports on location issues.
BDL: We expect to relocate to the new terminal in late April, giving us a much needed increase in space and adding one gate (total 3 with an option for a 4th). We will also be located in the terminal closest to the airport entrance.
BWI: We expect to occupy all of the CO and UA ATO March 1st.
HOU: Six gates on the new concourse are now scheduled to open February 19 for the DAL, HRL and CRP flights with a net increase of two gates. We also expect the new ticket counter and bag make-up areas to be open at that time. The HOU Inflight and Flight Ops base offices will move to the mezzanine level of the new concourse in April.
ISP: The FAA’s environmental approval has been received. Major construction work will start in February with completion of the first phase (four second level gates) expected in March ’04.
LAS: Construction to remodel our existing ticket counter has been completed.
Major Project Update
January 31, 2003
MCO: We have started operation on two more gates to accommodate new flights. That gives us a total of nine gates, allowing more growth beyond the 64 weekday flights that we are operating.
MDW: The airlines have approved a project schedule acceleration that will put us in our first new gates in March, 2003 (net gain of one gate). We have added four skycap positions and will start the phase 2 expansion of the Inflight base in March.
SNA: We are working with the airport and the other airlines to increase our ticket counter positions by 3 to a total of 9 in order to support new service. Following the necessary internal, other airline and airport approvals we expect to complete this work by the end of April, well in advance of the next flight additions in June.
TUS: We have started using gate 23 instead of gate 21, giving us more holdroom space. We retained the right to use gates 21 for overnight parking or other irregular ops.
TPA: Construction of a Customer Service office and several other support offices is underway on the concourse. Completion of this work is expected in February.
____________
chase comments,
While loads are light, they are around historical norms. March classs is still on track, future classes in the following months aren't definite but plans are being made to have them. Projections are in the 3-4 range in the 2nd qtr. No word for future qtrs.
This memo is the most recent update of major projects around our system that are either recently completed or to be done in the next 60-90 days. Not all major cities will be shown since some projects’ completion dates occur beyond the next 90 days.
All Cities: The installation of kiosks at all cities has been accelerated to accommodate the expected end of gate screening at many airports. All stations except LAS, ONT, SNA and STL should be complete the week of February 10, 2003; we are still working with those airports on location issues.
BDL: We expect to relocate to the new terminal in late April, giving us a much needed increase in space and adding one gate (total 3 with an option for a 4th). We will also be located in the terminal closest to the airport entrance.
BWI: We expect to occupy all of the CO and UA ATO March 1st.
HOU: Six gates on the new concourse are now scheduled to open February 19 for the DAL, HRL and CRP flights with a net increase of two gates. We also expect the new ticket counter and bag make-up areas to be open at that time. The HOU Inflight and Flight Ops base offices will move to the mezzanine level of the new concourse in April.
ISP: The FAA’s environmental approval has been received. Major construction work will start in February with completion of the first phase (four second level gates) expected in March ’04.
LAS: Construction to remodel our existing ticket counter has been completed.
Major Project Update
January 31, 2003
MCO: We have started operation on two more gates to accommodate new flights. That gives us a total of nine gates, allowing more growth beyond the 64 weekday flights that we are operating.
MDW: The airlines have approved a project schedule acceleration that will put us in our first new gates in March, 2003 (net gain of one gate). We have added four skycap positions and will start the phase 2 expansion of the Inflight base in March.
SNA: We are working with the airport and the other airlines to increase our ticket counter positions by 3 to a total of 9 in order to support new service. Following the necessary internal, other airline and airport approvals we expect to complete this work by the end of April, well in advance of the next flight additions in June.
TUS: We have started using gate 23 instead of gate 21, giving us more holdroom space. We retained the right to use gates 21 for overnight parking or other irregular ops.
TPA: Construction of a Customer Service office and several other support offices is underway on the concourse. Completion of this work is expected in February.
____________
chase comments,
While loads are light, they are around historical norms. March classs is still on track, future classes in the following months aren't definite but plans are being made to have them. Projections are in the 3-4 range in the 2nd qtr. No word for future qtrs.
Skyrunner
Dark side of Pikes Peak
- Joined
- Sep 15, 2002
- Posts
- 179
Thanks for the news
Chase,
Mucho Gracias!! Sounds like things are moving on at SWA.
Mailman,
I'm wasn't trying to point my finger at other airlines and say, "haha". I was just showing my "thumbs up" for SWA. I'm always in the mood for good news. Try to think of the half full glass thingy.
On another subject, I asked a bud of mine at SWA, "What do you think is one way that you can cut costs, besides obviously saving fuel, and implement the idea almost immediately?"
He said that the weather reports are a giant waste of trees for some of the routes. Example! PHX-ABQ. When it is severe clear and the weather report for that leg looks like an encyclopedia, it is a little overkill. He said that the weather reports should be tailored towards specific routes and the weather present at that time. Hey, maybe you cold save some paper and a few bucks here and there on every flight.
Ya'll take care,
SR
Chase,
Mucho Gracias!! Sounds like things are moving on at SWA.
Mailman,
I'm wasn't trying to point my finger at other airlines and say, "haha". I was just showing my "thumbs up" for SWA. I'm always in the mood for good news. Try to think of the half full glass thingy.
On another subject, I asked a bud of mine at SWA, "What do you think is one way that you can cut costs, besides obviously saving fuel, and implement the idea almost immediately?"
He said that the weather reports are a giant waste of trees for some of the routes. Example! PHX-ABQ. When it is severe clear and the weather report for that leg looks like an encyclopedia, it is a little overkill. He said that the weather reports should be tailored towards specific routes and the weather present at that time. Hey, maybe you cold save some paper and a few bucks here and there on every flight.
Ya'll take care,
SR
B52GUNNER
Well-known member
- Joined
- Dec 4, 2002
- Posts
- 164
thebluto
Forgot flightinfo existed
- Joined
- Dec 31, 2001
- Posts
- 204
Okay, you've asked for it
Excuse me for this post, but it seems we're going this direction. I'm pulling out all the stops:
Al Czervik: Last time I saw a mouth like that, it had a hook in it.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ty Webb: Don't sell yourself short Judge, you're a tremendous slouch.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Al Czervik: Hey everybody, we're all gonna get laid!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Caddy Danny arrives among the rich in his yachting outfit]
Spalding Smails: Ahoy polloi!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ty Webb: I like you Betty.
Danny Noonan: It's Danny sir.
Ty Webb: Danny.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Spalding Smails: This is good stuff. I got it from a Negro. You're probably high already and you don't even know it.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sandy: Carl I want you to kill all the gophers on the golf course
Carl Spackler: Correct me if I'm wrong Sandy, but if I kill all the golfers they'll lock me up and throw away the key.
Sandy: Not golfers, you great fool! Gophers, rodents! THE LITTLE BROWN, FURRY THINGS!
Carl Spackler: We can do that. We don't even need a reason.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Al Czervik: Oh, this is the worst-looking hat I ever saw. What, when you buy a hat like this I bet you get a free bowl of soup, huh? Oh, it looks good on you though.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Al Czervik: Oh, this your wife, huh? A lovely lady. Hey baby, you must've been something before electricity.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Al Czervik: Your a lot of woman, you know that? Yeah, wanna make 14 dollars the hard way?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Carl Spackler: He's on his final hole. He's about 455 yards away, he's gonna hit about a 2 iron I think.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Carl Spackler: IT'S IN THE HOLE!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Al Czervik: [to his Asian companion] I hear this place is restricted, Wang, so don't tell 'em you're Jewish, okay?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Danny Noonan: I haven't even told my father I'm not gonna get that scholarship. I'm gonna end up working in a lumberyard the rest of my life.
Ty Webb: What's wrong with lumber? I own two lumberyards.
Danny Noonan: I notice you don't spend too much time there.
Ty Webb: I'm not quite sure where they are.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Al Czervik: Hey, doll. Could you scare up another round for our table over here? And tell the cook this is low grade dogfood. I've had better food at the ballgame, you know? This steak still has marks from where the jockey was hitting it.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Judge Smails: It's easy to grin / When your ship comes in / And you've got the stock market beat. / But the man worthwhile, / Is the man who can smile, / When his shorts aren't too tight in the seat.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Judge Smails: Oh Porterhouse, look at the wax build up on these shoes I want that wax stripped off there, then I want them creamed and buffed wih a fine chamois, and I want them now! Chop chop!
Porterhouse: Yes judge, right away judge!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Carl Spackler: License to kill gophers by the government of the United Nations. Man, free to kill gophers at will. To kill, you must know your enemy, and in this case my enemy is a varmint. And a varmint will never quit - ever. They're like the Viet Cong - Varmint Cong. So you have to fall back on superior intelligence and superior firepower. And that's all she wrote.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Carl Spackler: This is a hybrid. This is a cross, ah, of Bluegrass, Kentucky Bluegrass, Featherbed Bent, and Northern California Sensemilia. The amazing stuff about this is, that you can play 36 holes on it in the afternoon, take it home and just get stoned to the bejeezus-belt that night on this stuff.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Carl Spackler: So I jump ship in Hong Kong and make my way over to Tibet, and I get on as a looper at a course over in the Himalayas. A looper, you know, a caddy, a looper, a jock. So, I tell them I'm a pro jock, and who do you think they give me? The Dalai Lama, himself. Twelfth son of the Lama. The flowing robes, the grace, bald... striking. So, I'm on the first tee with him. I give him the driver. He hauls off and whacks one---big hitter, the Lama---long, into a ten-thousand foot crevasse, right at the base of this glacier. Do you know what the Lama says? Gunga galunga... gunga, gunga-galunga. So we finish the eighteenth and he's gonna stiff me. And I say, "Hey, Lama, hey, how about a little something, you know, for the effort, you know." And he says, "Oh, uh, there won't be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consiousness." So I got that goin' for me, which is nice.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Carl Spackler: Oh Mrs. Crane, you're a little monkey woman. Yeah, you're lean, mean, and I bet you're not too far in between are ya. How'd you like to wrap your spikes around my -
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ty Webb: You take drugs, Danny?
Danny Noonan: Every day.
Ty Webb: Good. Then what's your problem?
Danny Noonan: I don't know.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ty Webb: A flute without holes, is not a flute. A donut without a hole, is a danish.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ty Webb: I was born to love you. I was born to lick your face. I was born to rub you. But you were born to rub me first.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Danny Noonan: I gotta go to college.
Ty Webb: You don't have to go to college. This isn't Russia. Is this Russia? This isn't Russia.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Carl Spackler: I got to get into this dude's pelt and crawl around for a few days. Who's the gopher's ally. His friends. The harmless squirrel and the friendly rabbit.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Carl Spackler: This crowd has gone deadly silent, a Cinderella story outta nowhere. Former greenskeeper and now about to become the masters champion.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ty Webb: You're rather attractive for a beautiful girl with a great body.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ty Webb: Just be the ball, be the ball, be the ball. You're not being the ball Danny.
Danny Noonan: It's hard when you're talking like that.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Judge Smails: Ty, what did you shoot today?
Ty Webb: Oh, Judge, I don't keep score.
Judge Smails: Then how do you measure yourself with other golfers?
Ty Webb: By height.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Judge Smails: I've sentenced boys younger than you to the gas chamber. Didn't want to do it. I felt I owed it to them.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dr. Beeper: I thought you'd be the man to beat this year.
Ty Webb: I guess you'll just have to keep beating yourself.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ty Webb: This your place, Carl?
Carl Spackler: Yeah, whatta ya think?
Ty Webb: It's really... awful.
Carl Spackler: Well, I got a lot of stuff on order. You know... credit trouble.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ty Webb: Guys, don't include me in this.
Carl Spackler: Come on, Ty, you're an ace! Everybody knows it!
Ty Webb: I don't play golf, for money, against people.
Carl Spackler: What are you, religious or something?
Ty Webb: You might say that.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Judge Smails is taking an inordinately long time to hit his drive on the first tee, while Al Czervik waits in the next foursome.]
Al Czervik: While we're young!!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Excuse me for this post, but it seems we're going this direction. I'm pulling out all the stops:
Al Czervik: Last time I saw a mouth like that, it had a hook in it.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ty Webb: Don't sell yourself short Judge, you're a tremendous slouch.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Al Czervik: Hey everybody, we're all gonna get laid!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Caddy Danny arrives among the rich in his yachting outfit]
Spalding Smails: Ahoy polloi!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ty Webb: I like you Betty.
Danny Noonan: It's Danny sir.
Ty Webb: Danny.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Spalding Smails: This is good stuff. I got it from a Negro. You're probably high already and you don't even know it.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sandy: Carl I want you to kill all the gophers on the golf course
Carl Spackler: Correct me if I'm wrong Sandy, but if I kill all the golfers they'll lock me up and throw away the key.
Sandy: Not golfers, you great fool! Gophers, rodents! THE LITTLE BROWN, FURRY THINGS!
Carl Spackler: We can do that. We don't even need a reason.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Al Czervik: Oh, this is the worst-looking hat I ever saw. What, when you buy a hat like this I bet you get a free bowl of soup, huh? Oh, it looks good on you though.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Al Czervik: Oh, this your wife, huh? A lovely lady. Hey baby, you must've been something before electricity.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Al Czervik: Your a lot of woman, you know that? Yeah, wanna make 14 dollars the hard way?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Carl Spackler: He's on his final hole. He's about 455 yards away, he's gonna hit about a 2 iron I think.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Carl Spackler: IT'S IN THE HOLE!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Al Czervik: [to his Asian companion] I hear this place is restricted, Wang, so don't tell 'em you're Jewish, okay?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Danny Noonan: I haven't even told my father I'm not gonna get that scholarship. I'm gonna end up working in a lumberyard the rest of my life.
Ty Webb: What's wrong with lumber? I own two lumberyards.
Danny Noonan: I notice you don't spend too much time there.
Ty Webb: I'm not quite sure where they are.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Al Czervik: Hey, doll. Could you scare up another round for our table over here? And tell the cook this is low grade dogfood. I've had better food at the ballgame, you know? This steak still has marks from where the jockey was hitting it.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Judge Smails: It's easy to grin / When your ship comes in / And you've got the stock market beat. / But the man worthwhile, / Is the man who can smile, / When his shorts aren't too tight in the seat.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Judge Smails: Oh Porterhouse, look at the wax build up on these shoes I want that wax stripped off there, then I want them creamed and buffed wih a fine chamois, and I want them now! Chop chop!
Porterhouse: Yes judge, right away judge!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Carl Spackler: License to kill gophers by the government of the United Nations. Man, free to kill gophers at will. To kill, you must know your enemy, and in this case my enemy is a varmint. And a varmint will never quit - ever. They're like the Viet Cong - Varmint Cong. So you have to fall back on superior intelligence and superior firepower. And that's all she wrote.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Carl Spackler: This is a hybrid. This is a cross, ah, of Bluegrass, Kentucky Bluegrass, Featherbed Bent, and Northern California Sensemilia. The amazing stuff about this is, that you can play 36 holes on it in the afternoon, take it home and just get stoned to the bejeezus-belt that night on this stuff.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Carl Spackler: So I jump ship in Hong Kong and make my way over to Tibet, and I get on as a looper at a course over in the Himalayas. A looper, you know, a caddy, a looper, a jock. So, I tell them I'm a pro jock, and who do you think they give me? The Dalai Lama, himself. Twelfth son of the Lama. The flowing robes, the grace, bald... striking. So, I'm on the first tee with him. I give him the driver. He hauls off and whacks one---big hitter, the Lama---long, into a ten-thousand foot crevasse, right at the base of this glacier. Do you know what the Lama says? Gunga galunga... gunga, gunga-galunga. So we finish the eighteenth and he's gonna stiff me. And I say, "Hey, Lama, hey, how about a little something, you know, for the effort, you know." And he says, "Oh, uh, there won't be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consiousness." So I got that goin' for me, which is nice.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Carl Spackler: Oh Mrs. Crane, you're a little monkey woman. Yeah, you're lean, mean, and I bet you're not too far in between are ya. How'd you like to wrap your spikes around my -
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ty Webb: You take drugs, Danny?
Danny Noonan: Every day.
Ty Webb: Good. Then what's your problem?
Danny Noonan: I don't know.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ty Webb: A flute without holes, is not a flute. A donut without a hole, is a danish.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ty Webb: I was born to love you. I was born to lick your face. I was born to rub you. But you were born to rub me first.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Danny Noonan: I gotta go to college.
Ty Webb: You don't have to go to college. This isn't Russia. Is this Russia? This isn't Russia.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Carl Spackler: I got to get into this dude's pelt and crawl around for a few days. Who's the gopher's ally. His friends. The harmless squirrel and the friendly rabbit.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Carl Spackler: This crowd has gone deadly silent, a Cinderella story outta nowhere. Former greenskeeper and now about to become the masters champion.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ty Webb: You're rather attractive for a beautiful girl with a great body.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ty Webb: Just be the ball, be the ball, be the ball. You're not being the ball Danny.
Danny Noonan: It's hard when you're talking like that.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Judge Smails: Ty, what did you shoot today?
Ty Webb: Oh, Judge, I don't keep score.
Judge Smails: Then how do you measure yourself with other golfers?
Ty Webb: By height.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Judge Smails: I've sentenced boys younger than you to the gas chamber. Didn't want to do it. I felt I owed it to them.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dr. Beeper: I thought you'd be the man to beat this year.
Ty Webb: I guess you'll just have to keep beating yourself.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ty Webb: This your place, Carl?
Carl Spackler: Yeah, whatta ya think?
Ty Webb: It's really... awful.
Carl Spackler: Well, I got a lot of stuff on order. You know... credit trouble.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ty Webb: Guys, don't include me in this.
Carl Spackler: Come on, Ty, you're an ace! Everybody knows it!
Ty Webb: I don't play golf, for money, against people.
Carl Spackler: What are you, religious or something?
Ty Webb: You might say that.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Judge Smails is taking an inordinately long time to hit his drive on the first tee, while Al Czervik waits in the next foursome.]
Al Czervik: While we're young!!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Last edited:
thebluto
Forgot flightinfo existed
- Joined
- Dec 31, 2001
- Posts
- 204
And...
Al Czervik: What're we, waiting for these guys? HEY WHITEY, Where's your hat?
Judge Smails: Do you mind, sir. I'm trying to tee off.
Al Czervik: I'll bet you a hundred bucks you slice it into the woods.
Judge Smails: Gambling is illegal at Bushwood sir, and I never slice.
[Swings club, slices ball into woods]
Judge Smails: **CENSORED****CENSORED****CENSORED****CENSORED**.
Al Czervik: OK, you can owe me.
Judge Smails: I owe you nothing.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ty Webb: Thank you very little.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Al Czervik: Hey, did somebody step on a duck?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Al Czervik: He called me a baboon, he thinks I'm his wife!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Lacey Underall: I bet you've got a lot of nice ties!
Ty Webb: How do you mean?
Lacey Underall: Would you like to tie me up with some of your ties, Ty?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Lacey Underall: Who's you decorator? Bennihana?"
Ty Webb: No, I brought most of that stuff back with me from Vietnam.
Lacey Underall: You were in the war?
Ty Webb: [limping and patting his butt] No...Homo!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ty Webb: Let me just clean this up here
[lift up bow and arrow]
Ty Webb: ..getting ready for the season.
Lacey Underall: Duck?
Ty Webb: No...dolphin!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Judge Smails: Don't you people have homes?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Judge Smails: I demand satisfaction.
Al Czervik: Yeah, well I'll tell you what's satisfying: CASH. I'll shoot you 18 holes for ten thousand bucks.
Judge Smails: I could beat you with one good arm.
Al Czervik: Well, how about teams, then. I'll take Ty here, and you can have Dr. Frankenputz.
Dr. Beeper: I beg your pardon.
Ty Webb: "Judge, Al, I don't play golf...for money...against people.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Judge Smails: Don't you people have jobs?????
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Mrs. Smails: Elihu, will you come loofah my stretch marks?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Judge Smails: [to Bishop Fred Pickering] Say, Fred, did you hear the one about the Jew, the Catholic, and the Colored Boy who went to heaven?
Bishop: Yeah, Judge, that's a doozy.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Judge Smails: Do you know what I just saw? A gopher. Do you know what gophers can do to a golf course?
Groundskeeper Sandy: Aye, Sir. I think they're tunneling in from that construction site.
Judge Smails: Czervik, huh. Well, I slap an injunction on them so fast it'll make their head spin."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ty Webb: You're not, you're not good, Al. You stink.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Judge Smails: I want a hamburger.. no a cheeseburger. I want a hot dog. I want a...
Judge Smails: You'll get nothing, and like it.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Carl Spackler: Bark like a dog!!!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Bishop: Why don't you come on down to our new Lutheran center?
Danny Noonan: "I've often thought about becoming a priest.
Bishop: Oh, are you a Roman Catholic?"
[Danny nods]
Bishop: Oh, then I'm sorry, but I'm afraid you can't come.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Mrs. Smails: Bless this ship, and all who sail on her. I christen thee 'The Flying WASP".
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Groundskeeper Sandy: Carl. **CENSORED****CENSORED****CENSORED****CENSORED** your eyes. I told you, today is the day we change the holes. Now, do it, and no more slacking off.
Carl Spackler: I'll slack you off, you fuzzy little foreigner.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Danny Noonan: I've always wanted to go to college.
Judge Smails: Well, the world needs ditch diggers, too.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Al Czervik: [after accidentally hitting Judge Smails in the crotch with his golf ball] I should have yelled "two".
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Charlie the Cook: [after hearing how Al described his cooking] DOGFOOD?!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Judge Smails: Do you stand for GOODNESS, or - for BADNESS?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ty Webb: What brings you to this nape of the woods, neck of the wape; How come you're here?
Al Czervik: What're we, waiting for these guys? HEY WHITEY, Where's your hat?
Judge Smails: Do you mind, sir. I'm trying to tee off.
Al Czervik: I'll bet you a hundred bucks you slice it into the woods.
Judge Smails: Gambling is illegal at Bushwood sir, and I never slice.
[Swings club, slices ball into woods]
Judge Smails: **CENSORED****CENSORED****CENSORED****CENSORED**.
Al Czervik: OK, you can owe me.
Judge Smails: I owe you nothing.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ty Webb: Thank you very little.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Al Czervik: Hey, did somebody step on a duck?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Al Czervik: He called me a baboon, he thinks I'm his wife!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Lacey Underall: I bet you've got a lot of nice ties!
Ty Webb: How do you mean?
Lacey Underall: Would you like to tie me up with some of your ties, Ty?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Lacey Underall: Who's you decorator? Bennihana?"
Ty Webb: No, I brought most of that stuff back with me from Vietnam.
Lacey Underall: You were in the war?
Ty Webb: [limping and patting his butt] No...Homo!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ty Webb: Let me just clean this up here
[lift up bow and arrow]
Ty Webb: ..getting ready for the season.
Lacey Underall: Duck?
Ty Webb: No...dolphin!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Judge Smails: Don't you people have homes?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Judge Smails: I demand satisfaction.
Al Czervik: Yeah, well I'll tell you what's satisfying: CASH. I'll shoot you 18 holes for ten thousand bucks.
Judge Smails: I could beat you with one good arm.
Al Czervik: Well, how about teams, then. I'll take Ty here, and you can have Dr. Frankenputz.
Dr. Beeper: I beg your pardon.
Ty Webb: "Judge, Al, I don't play golf...for money...against people.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Judge Smails: Don't you people have jobs?????
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Mrs. Smails: Elihu, will you come loofah my stretch marks?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Judge Smails: [to Bishop Fred Pickering] Say, Fred, did you hear the one about the Jew, the Catholic, and the Colored Boy who went to heaven?
Bishop: Yeah, Judge, that's a doozy.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Judge Smails: Do you know what I just saw? A gopher. Do you know what gophers can do to a golf course?
Groundskeeper Sandy: Aye, Sir. I think they're tunneling in from that construction site.
Judge Smails: Czervik, huh. Well, I slap an injunction on them so fast it'll make their head spin."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ty Webb: You're not, you're not good, Al. You stink.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Judge Smails: I want a hamburger.. no a cheeseburger. I want a hot dog. I want a...
Judge Smails: You'll get nothing, and like it.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Carl Spackler: Bark like a dog!!!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Bishop: Why don't you come on down to our new Lutheran center?
Danny Noonan: "I've often thought about becoming a priest.
Bishop: Oh, are you a Roman Catholic?"
[Danny nods]
Bishop: Oh, then I'm sorry, but I'm afraid you can't come.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Mrs. Smails: Bless this ship, and all who sail on her. I christen thee 'The Flying WASP".
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Groundskeeper Sandy: Carl. **CENSORED****CENSORED****CENSORED****CENSORED** your eyes. I told you, today is the day we change the holes. Now, do it, and no more slacking off.
Carl Spackler: I'll slack you off, you fuzzy little foreigner.
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Danny Noonan: I've always wanted to go to college.
Judge Smails: Well, the world needs ditch diggers, too.
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Al Czervik: [after accidentally hitting Judge Smails in the crotch with his golf ball] I should have yelled "two".
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Charlie the Cook: [after hearing how Al described his cooking] DOGFOOD?!
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Judge Smails: Do you stand for GOODNESS, or - for BADNESS?
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Ty Webb: What brings you to this nape of the woods, neck of the wape; How come you're here?
MLBWINGBORN
Freedom Fighter
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- Nov 27, 2001
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