Funny things overheard on the radio

[flyboydk]

The other pilot decides to tell our passengers all about the boring scenery off of one side of the plane, and I realize about halfway through that he's doing it on the center frequency. Right after he's finished giving every aircraft a great description of Arizona, some anonymous pilot says sarcastically "Oooooooo, I wanna go THERE!!"

 

[wrxpilot]

Maybe it was a hot air balloon from the air show or something?

I saw what looked like a flying umbrella around 800 ft off the departure end of 15 at KLNA a few months back... I didn't report it as such though, I figured I'd probably be accused of flying drunk or something when I landed!

 

[wrxpilot]

Yeah, it was just a small helium balloon that broke loose from a dealership display. You could hear the controller rolling his eyes. He's working his butt off maintaining seperation and all that for all the airshow activity and here comes this guy puttering around outside the class D ring at 6,000 feet opposite all the action with his report. If it was a weather balloon (or 500 of them with a guy in a lawnchair attached, for that matter), I'd have reported it, but for a little helium balloon? I dunno, just seemed strange at the time.

MFR

Oh ok. Yeah reporting a small helium balloon is lame.

 

[SammyG]

female pilot: center american 123 can we get a shortcut?

another airplane pipes in: honey your whole career has been a shortcut

Haaaaahahahahahahahaha!!

 

[skygirl1968]

Heard from someone so I can't take full credit, but I certainly thought it was funny......

The following radio exchange occurred between a Comanche, a Bonanxa, and ATC one hazy afternoon approaching theDalhart beacon...

ATC: Comanche *** Traffic 9 o'clock, 7 miles, your altitude, a Bonanza eastbound.

Comanche: Comanche *** Looking, no contact.

ATC: Bonanza *** Traffic 3 o'clock 7 miles, northbound, your altitude a Piper Comanche.

Bonanza: No joy on the Piper.

A minuite later...

ATC: Comanche *** Traffic is still 9 o'clock, now 5 miles.

Comanche: Still no contact.

ATC: Bonanza *** Traffic 3 o'clock, 5 miles closing, 9000 feet.

Bonanza: Comanche traffic not in sight.

Another minuite later...

ATC: Comanche *** Bonanza traffic now 3 miles 9 o'clock your altitude, advise traffic in sight.

Comanche: Still no contact... must be that new stealth Bonanza.

ATC: Bonanza *** Comanche now 3 miles northbond at your 3 o'clock position does not have you insight.

Bonanza: No contact on the Comanche... Yeah, we paid extra for that.

A few seconds later:

Comanche: Comanche *** has traffic in sight... you'll have to get a refund.

Bonanza: De-cloaking.

 

[FastestPA31Ever]

Heard on Atlanta center this morning.

Pilot: "Center, USAir 345, it's getting a little choppy here...might improve if we could get direct Charlotte."

Controller: "USAir 345 cleared direct Charlotte."

Pilot: "USAir 345 cleared direct Charlotte, it's getting better already."

 

[Kream926]

a guys xpndr was acting up in the pattern and was told to stop altitude squawk.......later was asked if he turned the transponder off he comes back on all cheeeeeeeeeeery voiced and i quote....

"I SSUUUUUUUUUUURE DID"

 

[Fugawe]

Sitting nearly behind a 767 in Chicago one winter that was blowing snow, slush and ice chunks around, the CA and I had just commented to each other about all the s_it that was blowing around.

Chicago ground asked us 'Can you pull forward behind the 767?'

I quickly responded 'Negative, he'd blow that s_it all over us!'

I looked at the CA and asked, 'did I just say s_it on the radio?' 'Yep' he replied.

Chicago ground, in their typical no-nonsense style, just said, 'Roger'.


Fugawe

 

[sky37d]

I was going to RFD for the Courtesy Aircraft Fly In, and it was CAVU. ATIS said contract ATC before 10 miles out. ATC was listening to people, respond back, "hold out there, you're number xx". Then they would, in sequence, give folks squawk codes, and clear them in. One guy says
"this is xxx, I'm still out here, what number am I' ATC "You're number 30, and if you want to be number 60, call me again"

OOPS,

 

[Gryphon]

Heard from someone so I can't take full credit, but I certainly thought it was funny......

The following radio exchange occurred between a Comanche, a Bonanxa, and ATC one hazy afternoon approaching theDalhart beacon...

ATC: Comanche *** Traffic 9 o'clock, 7 miles, your altitude, a Bonanza eastbound.

Comanche: Comanche *** Looking, no contact.

ATC: Bonanza *** Traffic 3 o'clock 7 miles, northbound, your altitude a Piper Comanche.

Bonanza: No joy on the Piper.

A minuite later...

ATC: Comanche *** Traffic is still 9 o'clock, now 5 miles.

Comanche: Still no contact.

ATC: Bonanza *** Traffic 3 o'clock, 5 miles closing, 9000 feet.

Bonanza: Comanche traffic not in sight.

Another minuite later...

ATC: Comanche *** Bonanza traffic now 3 miles 9 o'clock your altitude, advise traffic in sight.

Comanche: Still no contact... must be that new stealth Bonanza.

ATC: Bonanza *** Comanche now 3 miles northbond at your 3 o'clock position does not have you insight.

Bonanza: No contact on the Comanche... Yeah, we paid extra for that.

A few seconds later:

Comanche: Comanche *** has traffic in sight... you'll have to get a refund.

Bonanza: De-cloaking.

Lmao !! way funny..

 

[junkjockey]

This was Late at night.
Unidentified voice: I am F***** Bored
Center: Aircraft say your tale #
Unidentified Voice: I said I was F**** Bored, not F***** Stupid!

 

[junkjockey]

Vero Tower: Gulfstream XXX, slow speed on final, traffic is a piper 1 mile out.
Gulfstream XXX: Roger
few seconds go by
Vero Tower: Gulfstream XXX, Go around, traffic still on the runway
Gulfstream XXX (Extremely Angry): THIS GO AROUND IS GONNA COST US $1000!!
Vero Tower: Ya know what, lets make it $2000, extend downwind, you were a student pilot once!

 

[flyinlow67]

Heard the other day on approach:
ATC to King Air: You are cleared for the LOC BC Rwy 20
Slight pause
King Air: Um, we're not equipped for a LOC BC, can we get the ILS to Rwy 2 instead?
We about died laughing!

 

[coloneldan]

I was on my way to LUK one afternoon many years ago. It was rough at all altitudes so naturally, everybody wanted to know where the smooth air was. Cincinnati Center called an American flight and asked how the ride was at his altitude. He said, "It's as rough as a stucco bathtub."

Another good from American several months later was, "It's as rough as burlap underwear." I wouldn't be surprised if it was the same guy.

I'm not sure where you would find those discriptions in the AIM, but they sure did let everybody know it was rough.

 

[macpilot]

continetal express is taxing out to 15L at IAH with a Continental 767 behind him.

Tower: Expresss Jet XXXX can you except an intersection take off

Express Jet: Negative, we would like the entire length this afternoon

767: What's the problem, a little RJ cant make an intersection takeoff!

Express Jet: To heavy today, we got your wife on board.

 

[macpilot]

Controller: Alaska 257 say mach number.

Alaska: Mach number!

 

[minitour]

Express Jet: To heavy today, we got your wife on board.

ZING!

-mini

 

[Tim47SIP]

I got one!

On the La Grange arrival into ATL several years ago a United 777 was in front of us and the controller asked if the aircraft was a 777. The female FO stated "why yes, it is brand new, this is one of the first flights". Someone on the freq stated "crap, a brand new aircraft and there is already a crack in the seat".
The radio went dead for about 1 minute (way long for ATL center) and then Buzz got on there and stated " well then, lets get back to business". I thought is was hilarious! :laugh: