Funny things overheard on the radio

[g4800xp]

Heard on the radio

I heard a pilot with a stuck mike have a fit because he did not have pudding in his catering.

 

[LAMESAUCE]

pilots: "center, XXX 1234, question..."
center: "go ahead"
pilots: "you know a 6 letter word that means blabbermouths, second letter B?"
center: "standby"


center: "you know, i asked around, and we have no clue. maybe that's why we have no windows in our office."

 

[Deerkiller]

Center: UAL5678 contact ABC center on 123.4
UAL5678: 123.4 UAL5678

United forgets to flip the switch

UAL5678: ABC Center UAL5678 FL350
Center: (without missing a beat) UAL5678, roger, hey, just wondering
how would rate the controller on your previous freq?
UAL5678: uh, just average
Center: JUST AVERAGE!!!!! wow, alright, now flip the switch to 123.4
UAL5678: oh
Center: MAN!! I even gave you direct
UAL5678: yeah, sorry

 

[down2mins]

Center: UAL5678 contact ABC center on 123.4
UAL5678: 123.4 UAL5678

United forgets to flip the switch

UAL5678: ABC Center UAL5678 FL350
Center: (without missing a beat) UAL5678, roger, hey, just wondering
how would rate the controller on your previous freq?
UAL5678: uh, just average
Center: JUST AVERAGE!!!!! wow, alright, now flip the switch to 123.4
UAL5678: oh
Center: MAN!! I even gave you direct
UAL5678: yeah, sorry

I love it!

 

[kaisersose]

While working for Calex in 97 or 98. I was taxiing out and another one or our erj's was in front of me and a Delta MD-80 in front of him.

Delta: We need to do a cross bleed.
Ground: Stand by there is a Calex RJ behind you. Move up to the next intersection then proceed with the crossbleed.

80 taxis up...

Delta: Tell that pencil jet to stay back if he doesn't want to get hurt.
Calex RJ: Tell Delta he can blow me any time.

 

[FR8FO]

at LGA i believe: American 123 "tower there's black kids (much worse on the radio, i won't say what the pilot said) throwing rocks at our airplane

tower: hold on there american 123, i'll have airport security look into the kids throwing rocks at you but you can't use that kind of language on the radio

american: i know i'm sorry i'm pissed off and having a bad day

tower: eagle flight 123 (behind american) can you confirm what's happening over there

eagle 123: yes sir, they was black kids

 

[FR8FO]

female pilot: center american 123 can we get a shortcut?

another airplane pipes in: honey your whole career has been a shortcut

 

[Princedietrich]

Overheard on the southwest Ohio sector of Indy center several years ago:

Pilot: Indy Center, XXXX checking in 9000 with a query (he pronounced it queer-ee)
Center: You know what the opposite of a query is, right?
(several seconds of silence)
Pilot: Uh, no. What?
Center: A straight question.

 

[ERJFO]

Taxing in IAH:

Tower: "Contiental 975 follow the company RJ from right to left, join november bravo and contact ground point 7"

Contiental 975: "My company doesn't have RJ's, we'll follow them and go to ground."

Unknown ExpressJet Guys: "Yeah, well my company doesn't have scabs - you can still follow us."

 

[zbwmy]

Center: UAL5678 contact ABC center on 123.4
UAL5678: 123.4 UAL5678

United forgets to flip the switch

UAL5678: ABC Center UAL5678 FL350
Center: (without missing a beat) UAL5678, roger, hey, just wondering
how would rate the controller on your previous freq?
UAL5678: uh, just average
Center: JUST AVERAGE!!!!! wow, alright, now flip the switch to 123.4
UAL5678: oh
Center: MAN!! I even gave you direct
UAL5678: yeah, sorry

I do that one often.......

 

[flyboydk]

The other pilot decides to tell our passengers all about the boring scenery off of one side of the plane, and I realize about halfway through that he's doing it on the center frequency. Right after he's finished giving every aircraft a great description of Arizona, some anonymous pilot says sarcastically "Oooooooo, I wanna go THERE!!"

 

[wrxpilot]

Maybe it was a hot air balloon from the air show or something?

I saw what looked like a flying umbrella around 800 ft off the departure end of 15 at KLNA a few months back... I didn't report it as such though, I figured I'd probably be accused of flying drunk or something when I landed!

 

[wrxpilot]

Yeah, it was just a small helium balloon that broke loose from a dealership display. You could hear the controller rolling his eyes. He's working his butt off maintaining seperation and all that for all the airshow activity and here comes this guy puttering around outside the class D ring at 6,000 feet opposite all the action with his report. If it was a weather balloon (or 500 of them with a guy in a lawnchair attached, for that matter), I'd have reported it, but for a little helium balloon? I dunno, just seemed strange at the time.

MFR

Oh ok. Yeah reporting a small helium balloon is lame.

 

[SammyG]

female pilot: center american 123 can we get a shortcut?

another airplane pipes in: honey your whole career has been a shortcut

Haaaaahahahahahahahaha!!

 

[skygirl1968]

Heard from someone so I can't take full credit, but I certainly thought it was funny......

The following radio exchange occurred between a Comanche, a Bonanxa, and ATC one hazy afternoon approaching theDalhart beacon...

ATC: Comanche *** Traffic 9 o'clock, 7 miles, your altitude, a Bonanza eastbound.

Comanche: Comanche *** Looking, no contact.

ATC: Bonanza *** Traffic 3 o'clock 7 miles, northbound, your altitude a Piper Comanche.

Bonanza: No joy on the Piper.

A minuite later...

ATC: Comanche *** Traffic is still 9 o'clock, now 5 miles.

Comanche: Still no contact.

ATC: Bonanza *** Traffic 3 o'clock, 5 miles closing, 9000 feet.

Bonanza: Comanche traffic not in sight.

Another minuite later...

ATC: Comanche *** Bonanza traffic now 3 miles 9 o'clock your altitude, advise traffic in sight.

Comanche: Still no contact... must be that new stealth Bonanza.

ATC: Bonanza *** Comanche now 3 miles northbond at your 3 o'clock position does not have you insight.

Bonanza: No contact on the Comanche... Yeah, we paid extra for that.

A few seconds later:

Comanche: Comanche *** has traffic in sight... you'll have to get a refund.

Bonanza: De-cloaking.