Funny things overheard on the radio

[TrafficInSight]

Chuck Norris, like Inspector Gadget, has a built in parachute. Unlike Gadget, however, he knows how to use it.

 

[Pyle It]

Prom date????

Hey minitour that prom date one sounds entirely to familiar.........I believe it was N5164M.

Take care

 

[Gorilla]

North Vegas Ground: Cirrus XXX where are you taxiing to?

...

North Vegas Ground: Cirrus XXX please taxi to the base of the tower so that we can talk about who is special

My mouth dropped and I told my student time to get the hell out of here. Never in my life did I think I would hear something like that except for those emails that get sent out... Goes to my theory that the Cirrus would be the new doctor killer if it wasnt for those standard equipped chutes that they have.

HAHA! I have this wonderful mental image of the Cirrus gunning his engine and taxiing towards the tower. As he realizes the gravity of his situation, <ploop> the 'rescue chute' is deployed in a vain attempt to save his butt.

 

[dseagrav]

the 'rescue chute' is deployed in a vain attempt to save his butt.

I heard that when you pull the handle, it fires the parachute out the back of the airplane and a NASA form into the front.

 

[time builder]

Pilot: Center, do you have traffic at my 9 o'clock low?
Center: Uh, no, but there is an airport 5 miles west of you.
Pilot: Uh, ... disregard.

 

[AirBadger]

Not really that funny, more like stupid. CAP kids training and the instructor asks (yes, the instructor) if the tower could give him the pressure altitude. Same CAP plane at the hold short line, either the student or the instructor drops a binder or something on the taxiway (somehow it escaped the airplane) and tower had to wake up the airport fire department just to go and pick it up.

 

[minitour]

Hey minitour that prom date one sounds entirely to familiar.........I believe it was N5164M.

Take care

Still the best thing I've ever heard on the radio... How ya doin?

-mini

 

[minitour]

I heard that when you pull the handle, it fires the parachute out the back of the airplane and a NASA form into the front.

ROFL

-mini

 

[Bjammin]

When the Navy first starting getting female students in jets:

Ground: "Shad 732 taxi to your line. Beware of cones left side of taxiway A"
Shad 732:"Cones on the taxiway?! I've got cones in the cockpit!"
Ground: "Roger"

 

[Gorilla]

Balloons: I was once parked, engines running, in an F-15 at Eglin. I don't remember why, probably some exercise, but both engines are turning, and I'm waiting. Bored too.

About 2 miles away, I see a funny, cow-sized black object exit the woods at the field perimeter. It is floating along, bouncing too, like a ghost, a bad special effect from a 1950's movie. About a mile away, I realize it's about 50 toy balloons inside a huge garbage bag. And it is coming straight at me. I cannot move the jet.

100 yards to go, and it is still coming directly at me. The weird thing was that I had been watching it for maybe 40 minutes... the entire time, it was like it was locked on to me. I radiod our ramp rat and said "I gotta shut down." No time to wait for a reply, I kill both engines as the balloon ghost impacts my nose gear. A few moments later, I see it exit to the rear and continue across the field.

In the AF, you are not allowed to crank without a ground crew, a big fire bottle, etc. No way on my own to crank it back up. They had to bring out a tug and drag me back to the ramp area. "What'd you shut down for?" "A big garbage bag of balloons." "Uhhh, OK, whatever." Shot down by 50 cents worth of latex and plastic.

Anyone ever seen one of the ultra-high altitude research balloons launched at the WSMR in Alamogordo at dusk? These are the HUGE silver jobs that float up to 120,000'. They are visible for hundreds of miles, and are so high up that they look like a small moon. At dusk, they are still in direct sunlight. It's a cool sight.

 

[g4800xp]

Heard on the radio

I heard a pilot with a stuck mike have a fit because he did not have pudding in his catering.

 

[LAMESAUCE]

pilots: "center, XXX 1234, question..."
center: "go ahead"
pilots: "you know a 6 letter word that means blabbermouths, second letter B?"
center: "standby"


center: "you know, i asked around, and we have no clue. maybe that's why we have no windows in our office."

 

[Deerkiller]

Center: UAL5678 contact ABC center on 123.4
UAL5678: 123.4 UAL5678

United forgets to flip the switch

UAL5678: ABC Center UAL5678 FL350
Center: (without missing a beat) UAL5678, roger, hey, just wondering
how would rate the controller on your previous freq?
UAL5678: uh, just average
Center: JUST AVERAGE!!!!! wow, alright, now flip the switch to 123.4
UAL5678: oh
Center: MAN!! I even gave you direct
UAL5678: yeah, sorry

 

[down2mins]

Center: UAL5678 contact ABC center on 123.4
UAL5678: 123.4 UAL5678

United forgets to flip the switch

UAL5678: ABC Center UAL5678 FL350
Center: (without missing a beat) UAL5678, roger, hey, just wondering
how would rate the controller on your previous freq?
UAL5678: uh, just average
Center: JUST AVERAGE!!!!! wow, alright, now flip the switch to 123.4
UAL5678: oh
Center: MAN!! I even gave you direct
UAL5678: yeah, sorry

I love it!

 

[kaisersose]

While working for Calex in 97 or 98. I was taxiing out and another one or our erj's was in front of me and a Delta MD-80 in front of him.

Delta: We need to do a cross bleed.
Ground: Stand by there is a Calex RJ behind you. Move up to the next intersection then proceed with the crossbleed.

80 taxis up...

Delta: Tell that pencil jet to stay back if he doesn't want to get hurt.
Calex RJ: Tell Delta he can blow me any time.

 

[FR8FO]

at LGA i believe: American 123 "tower there's black kids (much worse on the radio, i won't say what the pilot said) throwing rocks at our airplane

tower: hold on there american 123, i'll have airport security look into the kids throwing rocks at you but you can't use that kind of language on the radio

american: i know i'm sorry i'm pissed off and having a bad day

tower: eagle flight 123 (behind american) can you confirm what's happening over there

eagle 123: yes sir, they was black kids

 

[FR8FO]

female pilot: center american 123 can we get a shortcut?

another airplane pipes in: honey your whole career has been a shortcut

 

[Princedietrich]

Overheard on the southwest Ohio sector of Indy center several years ago:

Pilot: Indy Center, XXXX checking in 9000 with a query (he pronounced it queer-ee)
Center: You know what the opposite of a query is, right?
(several seconds of silence)
Pilot: Uh, no. What?
Center: A straight question.

 

[ERJFO]

Taxing in IAH:

Tower: "Contiental 975 follow the company RJ from right to left, join november bravo and contact ground point 7"

Contiental 975: "My company doesn't have RJ's, we'll follow them and go to ground."

Unknown ExpressJet Guys: "Yeah, well my company doesn't have scabs - you can still follow us."

 

[zbwmy]

Center: UAL5678 contact ABC center on 123.4
UAL5678: 123.4 UAL5678

United forgets to flip the switch

UAL5678: ABC Center UAL5678 FL350
Center: (without missing a beat) UAL5678, roger, hey, just wondering
how would rate the controller on your previous freq?
UAL5678: uh, just average
Center: JUST AVERAGE!!!!! wow, alright, now flip the switch to 123.4
UAL5678: oh
Center: MAN!! I even gave you direct
UAL5678: yeah, sorry

I do that one often.......