A long, long time ago in a land not to far away, there was a young, eager Beech Baron pilot who would never turn down a flight. This young man was excited that he was flying a multi-engine airplane and getting paid for it. Many adventures came to this lads way. But one specific night, there came an adventure he would never forget!! One starry night our young Baron superhero was getting ready for bed, when the phone rang. It was boss man saying," Super lad, we have a mission for you!! I need you to go to the airport right now and fire up that Baron, and got to Wichita, pick up Mr. Pain In My Ass and take him down to Houston County...." So off went our hero into the night to complete his mission. Little did he know what the night had in store. Turns out, Houston and the surrounding area had 1/4 mile visibility in fog, but finally our adventurer of the skies made it into Houston Intercontinental after shooting multiple approaches at multiple airports in the area. Needless to say, Super Boy developed quite an appetite after this, but it was four in the morning and nothing was going to be open. He pulled up to the FBO, shut down, dropped off Mr.PITA and low and behold, the lad spotted a vending machine with all kinds of yummy microwavable treats. But one treat in particular caught his hungry little eyes. A pack of 8 microwavable buffalo wings....YUM!!! What could possibly go wrong. So our fearless chauffer of the skies scraped up the $1.50 required to purchase these chicken wings and threw 'em in the microwave and didn't even let them cook the whole way. He savored these chicken wings like if they were a fine delicacy found at only the finest gourmet ....whatever...point is they where f$#%n good. So now its time to go and our favorite lad hops back in to our favorite Baron on off he goes into the night again with a smile on his face and a belly full of chicken wings from a vending machine, when about 30 minutes into the flight our fearless Baron driver felt a funny sensation in his belly, bubble guts to be exact...."uh-oh" he thinks.. but then he shrugged it off and continued. But then it just started building up , so much so that it was becoming painful..."maybe I'll just let out a little test fart to relieve a little pressure" he thought. So he did. But this fart had company and it meant business. Luckily our boy caught it in time, but he had to get this airplane on the ground, and quick!!!! He was clenching his o-ring as tight as he could, beads of sweat are starting to drip down his forehead,...He had a full on case of the meat sweats.....So he radioed for the nearest airport an was given a vector to a nearby airport bout 10 miles ahead of his position...I don't think this young man could've gotten that airplane on the ground any quicker. So he pulls into this ramp, shuts down and makes a B-line to the FBO. Much to his dismay the door was locked and there was nobody home...he was coming to the stark realization that he may actually ******************** his pants... but he didn't give in yet ...he ran back to the airplane, clenching his bunghole as tight as he could and started looking for something to wipe with, but there wasn't much time. this crap was coming and there was no stopping it....Panicking as to where to make this deposit, out of the corner of his eye he noticed a concrete garbage can right next to the entrance of the FBO.."BINGO" he thought. he quickly ran to the garbage can , depantsed, and took a seat on top of this garbage can and let it rip, all the while keeping a careful look out for any witnesses to this "Dumb and Dumber" ass explosion taking place. All was going well until our determined young aviator realized, "What am I gonna wipe my ass with?!" All of a sudden it dawned on him that there was a box of Kleenex in the airplane, but he was gonna have to do the unthinkable...he was gonna have to hobble over to the airplane with his pants around his ankles and a muddy but to obtain the goods!!! So he did!!! He got the Kleenex, wiped his ass, and off he went into the night and lived happily ever after, and never EVER ate vending machine chicken wings EVER again!!!
the end..
the events depicted here in are based on a true story!!