Diarrhea in a freighter?

[Frank Towns]

Who has had the squittals in the cockpit, and what did you do about it?

 

[ATRCAPT]

I'm a member of the trash can club.

 

[fokkers&beer]

I'm the president. The worst thing about it is trying to get rid of the bag.

 

[rchcfi]

Actually not flying a freighter, but this summer I was on a wildland fire for a 4 hour shift. About 3 hours in here it came. Luckily, my BLM buddy in the seat next to me didn't want to see what came next, so he told me it was ok to go find someplace to land. On a side note, one Immodium capsule later and I couldn't purge for a few days. Crap, that stuff is strong!

 

[NightFlyer]

I just go to the lav.


NightFlyer

 

[DenverDude2002]

I'll second the immodium ad, works wonders

 

[kilroy]

I dam^ near over dosed on immodiom before because qot a case of the squirts in a small corporate jet with 4 pax. Try that for fun running to the back of the plane so you can do your business in a small bucket with a curtain between u and your pax...

 

[fr8r]

I call it the "Tremors"

I had an experience one time when I was flying checks... I just remember thinking that I should hit the bathroom (before takeoff) as there was a little pressure opposing my o-ring. I decided, because I was a good employee , that getting there ASAP was better. So I left for the 1 hour flight and about 25 minutes into it, the "TREMORS" started... went away after 5 min, came back a few minutes later and lasted @ 7 min... etc. They kept getting worse. I nearly punched a grumpy in my pants on short final! I never taxied and parked so fast in my whole career. I had a friend who was less fortunate... He had the same problem and thought he was gonna make it. He then decided to make an unschedualed landing enroute and had a blowout on final. He went to the bathroom and cleeaned up his mess, but everyone on the ramp new what happened, because he made such a big mess in his pants (he was wearing Khaki shorts!). Anyhow, his name is... just kidding hahaha! True story though.

 

[FL000]

I dam^ near over dosed on immodiom before because qot a case of the squirts in a small corporate jet with 4 pax. Try that for fun running to the back of the plane so you can do your business in a small bucket with a curtain between u and your pax...

Howzabout on a Lear? A buddy of mine had to ask a pax to MOVE from the front seat so he could "give birth" on the potty seat...no curtain.

 

[FearlessFreep]

Ah, you might be able to hold #1 but when the urge to purge is upon you there is only a limited amount of time that you have before the ultimate download occurs.

When flying freight in the small birds (had some long flights of 4 to 6 hours in duration) always carried a Brief Relief bag for #1, and I had made up several Emergency Paks for the big brown #2. This consisted of a number of small white plastic shopping bags doubled or tripled up. Wads of TP are enclosed for those necessary cleanup jobs. I set these up after I heard of a guy whose overwhelming powerful urge compelled him to take care of business in a brandy new very expensive leather flightbag.

Now what to do with it? Easy! That handy little DV window. Just make sure you slow down so that your little delivery doesn't smack any part of the airplane lest you have anything else to clean up upon landing. Those shopping bags will degrade pretty quickly so environmental concerns are a minimum. Just make sure your over an un-populated area. Now you really are the brown bomber! Oh well, let the sh*t fall where it may!

One more thing - if your in an aircraft without an autopilot and your IFR make sure to call up and get a 2000' block alititude!

 

[Magneto]

I nearly punched a grumpy in my pants on short final!

That is the funniest thing I've heard in a long time. I nearly grew a tail laughing so hard.

 

[Pickle]

Anyone from jetBlue on here, ask John Jr. (from Amerijet) about diarrhea in a freighter, TOL-MEM-JAN-MSY. I think the only time he was in his seat was takeoff to gear up and gear down to landing.

 

[Jmmccutc]

i used to work at an FBO that offered a bit of flight training...well let's just say that one of the instructors wasn't all that sharp, and his student wasn't any better...this is what happened...

on a trip to a practice area, the instructor apparently **CENSORED****CENSORED****CENSORED****CENSORED** himself in the plane, and being a nice sunny saturday afternoon in the middle of july you can imagine what a 152 smells like when it's full of pooh...the student made the following radio call that just cracked me up...(i'm not making this up either)

"XYZ traffic, cessnaXXX mayday, mayday, mayday...i need all traffic to stop flying, my instructor just, um, sh!T all over the airplane...i have to land now..."

just about the time i got done laughing, the instructor got out of the plane and at a dead sprint took off for the rest room while two little kids were watching their daddy give a "flight lesson"...try explaining to them what their daddy's doing...-

 

[fokkers&beer]

I had an FO tell me the story of him flying with a captain on one of our SE Alaska runs. They were shooting a VOR approach in fairly bad weather, and when they crossed the VOR with 8 miles to go to the missed, the capain could'nt hold it anymore. He told the FO to dirty it up and slow it down. The captain then went to the back, did his biz, came on up front and landed. The bummer was we had a real cute lady unloading the A/C and he was kind of embarrassed bringing the bag into the FBO to get rid of it (wer'e pressurized, and its kind of tough to open windows and get rid of the evidence.)
I know the story is true, the captains a friend of mine along with the FO. It was truly a cr**py night for those guys.

 

[A1FlyBoy]

don't forget the Pepto or sani-wipes for you hands...

 

[wildfreightess]

Luckily, I've always been able to make it in time, but I had a friend who wasn't so fortunate. He ended up using a cardboard box that just happened to be in the airplane. Said the smell could melt the varnish off a foot locker!

 

[rican]

While flying traffic watch in a C152 had to hover over a sectional I unfolded on the seat. Not pleasant.

 

[thunderworm]

i fortunately have not joined the honorable round can club but have had an fo almost poo his pants on the way back from the plane to the condo.

 

[Texan Driver]

Has anyone out ther heard the sound bite of the F-16 pilot over in Germany dropping a load in his suit? He was in the backseat of a two-holer and the conversation between him and the front seater is Hilarious...

If I find the link to where I got it from, I will post it.

 

[414Flyer]

Actually not flying a freighter, but this summer I was on a wildland fire for a 4 hour shift. About 3 hours in here it came. Luckily, my BLM buddy in the seat next to me didn't want to see what came next, so he told me it was ok to go find someplace to land. On a side note, one Immodium capsule later and I couldn't purge for a few days. Crap, that stuff is strong!

While in India this summer, I had it bad. Tried 2 imodium, no effect. I was up to 5 at one point.