Diarrhea in a freighter?

[flyboyzii]

I have nothing to add to this great thread but I would like to suggest this thread become a "sticky". I've read every single post on here and laughed a lot. Thank you all for a great read.

 

[OPECJet]

I'm out of flying now, but I now have a diarrhea in an office story. It was fairly uneventful since the crapper is two doors down. The only downside is I work on a military installation and the last round of budget cuts saw our barely acceptable toilet paper replaced with Chuck Norris toilet paper. It's rough, tough, and doesn't take sh!t from anyone....

After one trip to the crapper of the gun shop we went to after eating Arby's, I made three more trips at work. After trip #2 at the office, I was in pain from the sandpaper. By trip #3, I swear I had blisters on my ass. If there had been trip #4, I'd have probably just jumped from the third floor window by my desk. It would have hurt a lot less.

I'm thinking about filing a disability claim.....

 

[Jetdriver69]

Best two crap stories I heard was a friend of mine who had a case of the runs flying T-38s in USAF flight school. He felt the pressure getting vectors for an ILS and flew it in at 300 kts. Did a fast taxi and quick evac at base ops, ran into the john thinking he had made it, but forgot to roll up his flight suit arm and shat his sleeve full. Needless to say, he got a new bar name after that one. Another friend of mine was flying a F-15 to the sand for deployment and his anti-shat pills did not work as advertised. He was forced to crap into his helmet bag while his wingman took pictures, classic!

 

[Dgpr]

Kitty Hawk

I love this thread! Back in the day at KHA, our Diesel 9's had all the toilets removed to save weight. So for #1 every pilot carried the large Gatorade jug, but for #2 you just had to hold it.
We did however have big coolers on board where we would keep a stock of soda and bottled water. We had one captain who was renowned for having had "the Hershey squirts" on more than one occasion... out comes the water and pop, in goes the emergency dump. Said captain became known as "the cooler shi**er". We would hose the thing out, but never use it again...
The funny thing was, when the airplanes went into heavy maint for a few weeks, sometimes the stuff that was on them like coolers and pop and tie downs wouldn't get back on them when they came back. Maint dept would claim they had no idea where the stuff went.. we always suspected they ended up in the back of somebody's pickup truck. We talked about saving spoiled coolers to be sent with the airplane to Maint. to teach a lesson, but we never carried through with it.
After barely making it to the end of a flight once with my own problem, I got a 5 gal bucket with a top from home, put a small garbage bag in it and half filled it with cat litter and a handful of TPaper. I figured I could squat on that if I had to, similar to the traffic cone arrangement described earlier in the thread. I carried it with me on a few trips but never had to use it... soon after that, the end of the 9fleet began, summer of 2000.
Somebody earlier mentioned Taco Palenque... yum!! Three chicken, three beef and extra,extra,extra pico de gallo is SO good at 3am between LRD and YIP.

 

[skybert]

The lid on the toilet in my room wouldn't stay up.

Ok,not actually IN a freighter but I am a freight dog and it was in the hotel between runs.....

Getting ready to jog but I had that "wierd" feeling in my guts, ya know?? Glad I delayed a little while because I suddenly went from wierd to "OMG I'm gonna blow!!!!" in about 3 seconds.

I kicked the lid of the toilet up with my foot as I'm dropping trou, turned around and the whole world exploded outta my backside.....

Remember how I said the lid wouldn't stay up?

It was like the microburst outflow videos we see in training,it went in every direction. On me, on the floor, on the walls..... My upper body screamed "Noooo,for the mother of god stop!!!!!" But my lower body said "not my problem".

By the time the carniage was over it looked like a crime scene and all I could think about was poor Esmerilda,she was gonna have her work cut out for her when she came to clean today. Then the tiny shred if dignity left in me took one towel and carefully moved it away from the disaster area while I proceeded to tackle the hazmat disaster on my own,wiping,rinising and wiping more until the bathroom looked as respectable as a hotel pooper can look.

Got a long hot shower in and decided t skip the log that day.

 

[sstearns2]

Who has had the squittals in the cockpit, and what did you do about it?

Quit Dairy.

 

[paid4training]

My boss let me fly my wife and baby in the king air for Christmas as part of my bonus. About 20 mins from landing with a steady crosswind I HAD to go pee. The airplane has a toliet but my wife doesn't know how to fly at all so I told her to hand me 2 of my sons diapers. For the record, they don't hold much and I decided to empty all the trash and empty bottles before takeoff. During the third diaper I realized I got myself in kinda a pickle!!!

 

[freightdogfred]

Back at Brand X I took an old -63 series DC8 into Murfeesboro,TN to the chop shop, Tennesee tech, the biggest excuse for a repair station I've ever seen. The airplane had an integral lav installed,(ex-KLM) and I left ole Tennesee Tech a present, a monsterous Grumpy I punched out about an hour out. They parked us in the back row, and I'm sure that stool had solidified into a nice petrified mass in that hot tennesee sun before those monkeys cut the airplane up. I pity the poor SOB that cut that tank out.

 

[PBRstreetgang]

Too good to let languish!

 

[dalad]

Most important thing I learned on TOE was the LCA telling me that on a 12 hour plus flight I was going to have to take a dump on the plane eventually. He said to avoid having some cute chick going in the lav after I left a bog steamer was to do the "magic carpet ride". He said to lace the bottom of the bowl with four paper towels, then take a dump on them. Wipe then press the vacuum button and voila, magic carpet ride.