Diarrhea in a freighter?

[Tired Soul]

In order to keep this most majestic thread alive:
Heisted from another website but funny none the less

I was at cleveland hopkins airport waiting for my flight and decided to eat at the place called Cheers, you know, like the tv show? They even at one time had a Norm figure sitting at the bar for anyone who knows the guy on the show. Anyways I got their loaded nachos with chili. I chowed down and had me a sam adams to wash it all down. An hour later I was boarding my plane and found my seat. 15 min into cruising altitude I felt the the meltdown of 3 mile island coming from the seat of my pants. I calmly got up and sauntered to the rear of the plane near my seat and luckily and amazingly found 2 open toilet closets.
I was so amazed and happy at the lack of wait I decided to relish this and check out both for the cleanest one, I found it and proceeded to unload the used food. Someone mentioned updraft about the toilet so I know, and smelled exactly what you were talking about. I couldnt believe what was coming out of me, like I was giving birth to a sunbaked dead animal along the highway.
Between desperate gasps of breath I hurried the best I could and finished up and got out of there. As I was going out I seen a rather old lady patiently waiting nearby to go to the bathroom. I thought to myself , oh she must not have seen the other open commode closer to her, she will go there. No she did not. I walked passed her briskly hoping she wouldnt notice or remember my face and got to my seat and whipped out a magazine.
A moment later I noticed alot of commotion going on in the back of the plane. One of the stewards was holding the old lady up by the armpits and another was giving her a glass of water. The old lady then asked for her purse, which she must have dropped since her pills were in there. Im thinking oh no, I gave the old lady a heart attack by the plumes I left in the commode. They finally got her to stand on her own and I heard them asking what was wrong and if she was ok. She was mumbling something and all I could make out was some man came out of there and she thinks I did something to the bathroom.
Flashes of sitting in a tiny room being questioned on where I was going and what I did to the airplane lavatory started popping in my head, thoughts of being accused of terrorism making headlines across the nation flashed as well. I sunk down in my seat, pulled my sunglasses out of my carry on, faced the window and prayed the entire flight the old lady wouldnt remember or recognize my face.
We finally landed and I made it a point to locate the old lady and get in front of her somehow to beat her off the plane. I did so and got the hell out of there, by some miracle my stowed bag was one of the first ones on the conveyer so I grabbed it and got the first taxi I seen

 

[joepilot29]

Think it's about time for a "diarrhea in the crashpad" thread. Just got a start for my first post!!

 

[zonker234]

Well, at the risk of this thread ending...there I was just outta 14,000' from a redeye from PHX to BOS when I had the pleasure to patake in a rotten dog that completely died and melted dowm in our forward lav...(airbus)!! I slowly looked over at the Captain...and told him if that was him, he was Dead! literally...he said " thought that was you! well ...no ...not me...ding dong..."did someone just die?" Turns out that an elderly gentleman was having issues and went into the forward lav..while he proceeded to let er rip, we hit some seriious bumps...appearantlly his load shifted and he blew all over the seat and floor...now this is post (9-11) and we are only allowed to use the forward lav...which is now a genuine bio-hazard site!! FA said you guys are offically cut off, no water or drinks etc...never in my life have I had that experience of just about dying! The poor gentleman was mortified and refused to go the lav for the remainder of the flight....seriously had to have MAINT. meet the flight to clean up and reservice the O2....definitely taught me to always manage my fluid intake..I am NEVER gonna get old ...I swear...

 

[TMMT]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5vZeaELPNEk

 

[svcta]

In order to keep this most majestic thread alive:
Heisted from another website but funny none the less

No no no. These last two posts involved a lavatory. That does not count. Anyone can take a dump in a lav.

 

[CX880]

This might be kind of off topic but is there a time when the cargo hold is completely empty on a certain flight? Do people get the urge of running around the cargo hold and horse around playing football or soccer? Or do you have cameras back there being montiroed by the chief pilot? I've always wanted to know this about heavy cargo ops.

 

[belchfire]

This might be kind of off topic but is there a time when the cargo hold is completely empty on a certain flight? Do people get the urge of running around the cargo hold and horse around playing football or soccer? Or do you have cameras back there being montiroed by the chief pilot? I've always wanted to know this about heavy cargo ops.

We do some repo flights empty. While there are no cameras that I know of, you're supposed to drag a portable O2 bottle along if you go on the cargo deck as there are no drop down masks. It's just a big empty but football or soccer would be out of the question due to the rollers and other cargo handling stuff in the floor...though perhaps tossing a Frisbee wouldn't be out of the question!

Besides, you'd be a long way from the lav if there were a rebellion of the catering!

 

[taters]

This morning it all started at Hampton Inn with Activia. BIG ********************ING MISTAKE
I almost considered landing on a road for a fludderblaster. Had the boss on board and it got so bad I couldn't even respond to his questions/small talk. Its amazing how fast you throw the rules of flying out the window when you are trying not to ******************** your pants. Somehow I lived through watching the GPS count down 7 mins....Landed with the tires screaming and ran to the dumper....Its also crazy how you can get your pants off in Guinness Book of World record fashion. .

 

[bunman45]

Flying co-pilot in a king air, got sick, busted a gasket in the lav and then realized there was no toilet paper. Had to grab a paperback book from one of the pax's luggage and wipe with pages 1-50. Also, shot an approach down to mins in a navajo with my pecker hanging out and pissing all over the floor boards. Good times!

 

[CMI]

The two posts before me are weak sauce!

"Diarrhea in a freighter" requires cookie sheet or diamond plate floors, no LAV, no PAX in the aircraft and you or someone you know cr@pping in some container or vessel not normally used for such an activity.

Let me give an example:

Booger and I were red lining it down from FL390 empty, when I felt a rumble down in the innards of my gut. The sharp pain in my gut and my increased heart rate I knew I was in for it. I kept holding my sphincter closed as tight as I could. We were now down to FL 240 the ATIS was ¼ mile VV 100 we were going to have to shoot the approach to freight dog minimums, if I could only hold on for 12 more minutes I might be able to let it loose on the ramp. Sweat started dripping down my forehead. We were now down to 12,000 getting vectors for approach. I knew I only had to hold it for a little bit longer. Just then my sphincter started to give way, and my eye’s started to water up. So, I unstrapped and ran to the back of the airplane. Frantically I looked around for something to cr@p in, all I could find was a used water bottle with piss and cigarette butts in it. I said fu*k it, pulled down my pants grabbed the cargo net with both hands, and leaned back with my a$$ hanging out. Right then my sphincter let loose and an orgasmic anal explosion of Mexican beans and rice came flying out with the force of and uncontained engine failure. There I was with a messy brown streak of beans and corn all over the diamond plate floor. Right then I heard Booger put the first notch of flaps in, so I pulled my underwear off and wiped my burning anu$. I jerked my pants back on and strapped in going commando down final. Let’s just say thank God the FBO had a garden hose.