Diarrhea in a freighter?

[Lolikoka]

A shart from the heart

There I sat, broken hearted -
needles centered 'till I sharted!

The captain was irate, quite incredulous,
said "An ILS just ain't that stenuous."

He couldn't conceive, he couldn't relate,
to the nasty disgusting stuff I ate.

I went to the Wendy's in concouse "C"
where Atlanta's finest were serving me.

Pube hairs and grease drops and stuff from their nose,
I swear I saw cheese from some of their toes.

As I was talking, he could take no more,
and then he blew chunks all over the floor.

-----------------------------------------
My apologies - I had no stories to tell; this is the best thread I've ever seen. Keep the stories coming.

 

[Texan Driver]

i know that "STING" is the call sign for the ANG 16's in TOL...

I talked to a buddy of mine who is currently in the Predator program at Indian Springs. Here is what he says about it.

"Yeah dude, I've heard that one...it's a Viper dude and I'm pretty sure it's
a flight doc in the back seat. Good stuff!"

-J

 

[400A]

Worst smell Ever

Sometimes you get hit with a nasty POO on your aircraft that beats all others.

While on a trip from BWG to TUS, my fellow aviator and myself had what we believed to be an uneventful flight. We were looking forward to our 3 day stay at the Westin LaPaloma, with golf included. Little did we know of the disaster that had occured in the back of our Beechjet. We flew the appropriate arrival that would keep us away from the fires that were burning and made an uneventful landing, bid farewell to our passengers and headed for the Westin.

We had a nice stay in TUS but were ready to returm home to our families. On departure, as we approached the aircraft, my partner in crime who has a VERY weak stomach says "what in the hell is that smell?" We were still 100 yards from the aircraft. We assumed it must be something related to the fires, or maybe there was a stockyard downwind. The closer we got to the aircraft the worse it got. I was getting very concerned because the aircraft had been outside for 4 full days now, and the high temp each day was 118-120 degrees.
We approached the aircraft, unlocked it and I opened the door. I REALLY WISH I HAD NOT DONE THAT!!!!!! The vile stinch hit us like a ton of bricks. My ever so supportive comrad was now in a full sprint away from the aircraft heaving with all of his might. (Imagine a cat hacking up a hair ball.) The line guy mounted his trusty tug and proceeded to set a land speed record away from the aircraft.

Well, the passengers were due to be there in 45 minutes, and judging by the line guys immediate departure, and my co-pilot still circling the aircraft at 100 yards (Still heaving) I went in. I held my breath and headed for the back of the aircraft, lifted the lav lid, only to find the biggest steamer I had ever seen. You guessed it.... The knife valve was closed!!! The hideous pile had sat on top of the knife valve and baked at around 180 for 4 days!!!

It took 6 bottles of bottled water and using the empty bottles as pokers to make the deposit drop on down into the bank for removal. Meanwhile my ever helpful co-pilot is still circling the aircraft heaving. After removing the remains, running all of the blowers, and a full can of oust, we were finally able to depart.

The aircraft never smelled the same!!! We have never again flown with an INOP knife valve, that is a grounding item.

 

[XTW]

Kinda makes that a new part of your post-flight inspection, huh?

 

[NuGuy]

Heyas all,


While not really aviation induced...

A bud and his wife came down to visit in FLA, so I did the tourist thing with them and took 'em to Disney World. On the way back from MCO, we stopped at the normal post 1:00 am dining spot...Denny's!

Apparently, I had some bad eggs or something...the next morning I woke up, and was overwhelmed with the activity in the old stomach...beat feet to my bathroom. I could literally feel my previously constipated self comming uncorked as the grumpies traveled the 10 miles of my digestive system like a luge sled going down the track.

Not to be outdone, the upper part of my digestive system was having a party of its own. So, while I'm sitting on the pot, I had to figure out where to heave...turns out the bathtub makes a pretty easy target and was right next to the can. The really nasty thing was whatever bug I had gotten, it had shutdown digestion so comletely, the hash browns from the night before still had the same general shape and even still had the griddle marks!

Bleah, nothing like a two exit fire drill...I was laid up for about a week and could barely keep anything down. Turns out you can live quite a while on diluted sports drink and "Ensure". I was about 10 pounds trimmer after that episode.

Nu

 

[Dizel8]

"and splat! I felt a little wet".

Priceless!

 

[Dizel8]

To strangers in the nite:

Just a little cramp, deep in my colon
The shat is coming near, will I be holding
Just a little tear, is coming to my eye.

I really gotta go, was that the marker?
Boy it hurts me so, it's getting harder
To prevent the spraying that I simply
can't be delaying.

The turd, it must come out
its praerie dogging,
the farts are getting loud
the Imodium not working

 

[beernuts]

Can you imagine out there in Practice Area Alpha trying to get back into BTL and Rex telling you call him back in 5 minutes?

That's what Marshall (RMY) is for, just ask "AW"

B.T.W. How is that Citation treating ya?

 

[Vik]

You realize that you could have spontaneously combusted?

thats how it happens .. massive pressure differentials inside your body .. whammo!

Heyas all,


While not really aviation induced...

A bud and his wife came down to visit in FLA, so I did the tourist thing with them and took 'em to Disney World. On the way back from MCO, we stopped at the normal post 1:00 am dining spot...Denny's!

Apparently, I had some bad eggs or something...the next morning I woke up, and was overwhelmed with the activity in the old stomach...beat feet to my bathroom. I could literally feel my previously constipated self comming uncorked as the grumpies traveled the 10 miles of my digestive system like a luge sled going down the track.

Not to be outdone, the upper part of my digestive system was having a party of its own. So, while I'm sitting on the pot, I had to figure out where to heave...turns out the bathtub makes a pretty easy target and was right next to the can. The really nasty thing was whatever bug I had gotten, it had shutdown digestion so comletely, the hash browns from the night before still had the same general shape and even still had the griddle marks!

Bleah, nothing like a two exit fire drill...I was laid up for about a week and could barely keep anything down. Turns out you can live quite a while on diluted sports drink and "Ensure". I was about 10 pounds trimmer after that episode.

Nu

 

[NuGuy]

You realize that you could have spontaneously combusted?

thats how it happens .. massive pressure differentials inside your body .. whammo!

Nah, the real trick was to make sure everything landed on something washable...

Nu