Diarrhea in a freighter?

[TIGV]

IOE Check Airman at Trans States, while doing IOE felt the old stool honking for clearance and proceeded, while bent as far forward as possible, to blast, with monumental force, about 2 gallons of arse-butter into his uniform trousers. Trip was completed without incident and multiple legs, with said Capt. remaining upfront having tucked his trouser legs into his cowboy boots to prevent leakage.
No I wasn't the unfortunate FO on that trip, but I did do my IOE with the guy, this story was legend at TSA while I was there.

 

[Ollie]

When you're configuring for METO and you're feelin' that buritto...

Cleared direct Ok City and you've started feeling sh1_tty...

You've got information charlie and you're smelling something knarly...

puh-loppp!

 

[Chicken Taco]

Oops I crapped my pants!

Well not myself, but...

A few years back when we still had J-balls at CHQ there was a flight from LNS to PIT one night that had an unscheduled stop at HGR. I was a SF3 FO at the time, and was onboard deadheading from an overnight. I was in 1D with a headset plugged in, so I was in on the plan. About 50 miles from LNS the captain got hit by a serious wave, and needed relief, NOW! We were only about 15 miles north of HGR at the time, so after a quick conference, we decided to make an unscheduled technical stop. We told ATC the plan and asked them to keep the flight plan live. As we rolled off the runway we shut #1 down, and coasted into the ramp. I told the pax that we needed to pick up some important company paperwork, and the capt was in and out in about 2 minutes with an envelope in his hands for effect. The FO never shut the right engine down, and we were back off the deck in under 10 minutes, ontime to PIT..

..CT

 

[Lightning]

Lol

How does an airline pilot know he's at the hotel. He has to take a crap. It seems the closer you get to the door the more you have to go.

 

[upallnight]

I had a "friend" who had to leave his/her seat below 10 because it was physiologically necessary. When he/she came back into the cockpit, the engineer and the captain were on O2. "Rumor" has it that its a true story.

 

[Princedietrich]

I had a "friend" who had to leave his/her seat below 10 because it was physiologically necessary. When he/she came back into the cockpit, the engineer and the captain were on O2. "Rumor" has it that its a true story.

Ah so it happened to you then, eh?

 

[weekendwarrior]

Flying a Cessna 140. Could land that thing anywhere. Northern Arizona, meteor crater. Landed on a dirt road on the west side. Let it all go on the side of the road.

Thought, hey, lets check out the crater while I'm here. Hiked up to the crater, and then a state trooper showed up by my airplane. Had to answer some questions from the FSDO, but they thought it was quite funny!

Didn't break any regs in the process.

 

[Vik]

What did you wipe with?

Flying a Cessna 140. Could land that thing anywhere. Northern Arizona, meteor crater. Landed on a dirt road on the west side. Let it all go on the side of the road.

Thought, hey, lets check out the crater while I'm here. Hiked up to the crater, and then a state trooper showed up by my airplane. Had to answer some questions from the FSDO, but they thought it was quite funny!

Didn't break any regs in the process.

 

[JediNein]

What did you wipe with?

Obviously, he used the reg book.

 

[KingAirKiddo]

How does an airline pilot know he's at the hotel. He has to take a crap. It seems the closer you get to the door the more you have to go.

That is so true!

 

[Texan Driver]

<sigh>
Rest In Peace you fine fine thread....

 

[Sandhawk]

When you're leveling in cruise and you start to feel the ooze..........

 

[av8tor4239]

Back the big brown lincoln out of the garage

 

[JungleJett]

Speaking of $**CENSORED****CENSORED****CENSORED****CENSORED**...this is boo$hit!!

And if it is not, then it is a felony!!

Back in '94 I was flying for a 135 outfit in the Midwest. Got a call at 11pm to fly a body from a morgue in Omaha, NE to DSM, IA in a Piper Navajo. Grabbed some Taco Bell on the way to the airport. Ate in the car on the way, didn't think much about it. Quick pre-flight, the hurse showed-up with a body bag. 3 guys loaded the body in the back, signed some paperwork, and I blasted off headed east to DSM. About 30 mins into the flight, 9000 feet, clear smooth.....all-hell broke loose within my inner bowels. I grimmaced. Shifted from left buttcheek, to right buttcheek, and back and forth, but no-luck. I knew few FBO's in po-dunk Iowa would have facilities open at 1a.m. I put my trusty faith in the autopilot, crawled in back. No one at the controls! Unzipped the body bag. Squatted over the body, a foot on either side of the dead body. Blasted my load.....man that never felt so good. Zipped up the body bag and crawled back up front.
In DSM, I've never heard a bunch of funeral home directors complaint about a body's smell while unloading in all my life. I stayed in the plane because I was laughing my-ass-off so hard.
Blasted off and returned to home base in Omaha. Never told anyone til' today!

 

[getnverted]

A UPS guy told me about an FE that was complaining on the last leg about the perculating. He was telling the van driver to make it snappy cause he had to crappy. Grabbed the first key from the desk and ran to the room. Opened the door, threw his bags down and had an explosive episode with the bathroom door open. As he was sitting there recovering from the loud explosion he noticed a toothbrush on the counter. Turns out there was an old couple laying in bed trying to figure out what had just happened.

 

[fam62c]

When your starting to rotate but you have to deficate.....

When your up at 290 and you know you have to go........



Ahh, toilet humor, is there anyone who doesn't love it?

 

[Texan Driver]

A UPS guy told me about an FE that was complaining on the last leg about the perculating. He was telling the van driver to make it snappy cause he had to crappy. Grabbed the first key from the desk and ran to the room. Opened the door, threw his bags down and had an explosive episode with the bathroom door open. As he was sitting there recovering from the loud explosion he noticed a toothbrush on the counter. Turns out there was an old couple laying in bed trying to figure out what had just happened.

LOL....that reminds me of when I was at a hotel, in the bathroom with the door open (I was the only one there), letting some boneless brown trout free and the maid walked in. She left in a hurry.

 

[sqwkvfr]

.....

 

[Ted Striker]

When I was a commercial student, my instructor has to take a serious leak over MS. He jumps in the back of the plane and finds an empty quart oil bottle. Whips out the leatherman, cuts the neck off and starts relieving himself. Just like in Dumb and Dumber, he realizes he is going to fill it up (you can't stop once you start Lloyd, it stings!). In mid-pee, he finds another empty oil quart and starts trimming the neck, makes the successful transfer and fills that one about halfway. Now he has to sit there and hold a quart and a half of pee. I was laughing so hard, I almost sharted!! I was nervous that he was going to stab his member with the knife and bleed to death in the back of the Seminole!

When I was a newhire E-120 first officer, we came out of BPT early in the morning. Something about the Brasilia and the vibration of the props would always funk up my stomach if I wasn't careful. Well, ASA was genius enough to put the lav right behind the f/o's seat. Full plane, hot flight attendant (sitting next to the crapper no less) and I am wiggling like a crackhead in the front. Finally, I can find no more comfortable positions, so I head for the lav. The whole time I am wondering how in the he!! am I going to do this without destroying the whole cabin? Once I sat down, I just started flushing and kept flushing until I was done. This went on for about five minutes and I am waiting for the lav motor to burst into flames. I came out and no one was the wiser....except that I had been in there so long. Good stuff.

 

[hawkerjet]

happened to me while i was flying checks out of EAU. on my last leg i couldn't hold it anymore and there was no place to land so i let loose in my drawers. when i arrived at base, i told line service that i would take care of the plane and put it away. i slithered out the side door (C310) and made it into the fbo bathroom. i cleaned myself up and threw my skivvies into the trash and put the plane away.