Diarrhea in a freighter?

[spudskier]

First of all, thnx for the stories, never laughed so hard in my life!

I don't know anyone who has made it through their long XC for the commercial... I was out of Columbus, bound for St. Louis made it as far as indianapolis before I was seeing yellow... (this was before I was instrument rated) looked on the sectional for the nearest untowered and told flight following I needed to cancel land and get back with them in 10 minutes. Guy laughed said ok and I descended faster than I ever have before, got on the freq which was vacant thank G-d and landed straight in... line service must have heard me and came out to greet, engine was off before the plane stopped, guy asked me if I needed gas, but just ran past him... saw out of the corner of his eye himsnickering at me. Did my business and confidently walked back out to my plane got in, took off and finished the journey

 

[CFIcare]

Flying a Cessna 402 single pilot night cargo was the best when I had the squirts. After the first episode of nearly crapping in my pants, i always kept 1 pair of "Depends" in my flight bag. Anytime I felt the Lincoln Log making its way, I quickly slipped them on and just crapped in my pants like a 2 year old. I would clean up after myself and toss the used "Depends" out the vent window and proceed on like nothing happened.

It really made it nice since I could eat anything I wanted for dinner and not have to worry about anything. "Depends" are also great to pee in. They also work well if you have to take a dump on the cargo ramp at night. You can use it to wipe your rear...........nice and soft.

I think it would make a great TV commercial

LMAO!! Great, now everyone the KIAD Piedmont-Hawthorne is staring at me....

 

[c172]

lol

This is way to funny to read don't stop keep them coming

 

[Texan Driver]

never did tell the guy what he was touching, but he deserved it.

Was his initials BM by any chance?

 

[movingviolation]

Close.... DM I was with the TIttusville Carnies.

 

[Kingairrick]

Not airplane related. However, If that was you in the restroom at Lowes in South Tampa yesterday afternoon, you need to seek medical attention immediately.

 

[Texan Driver]

Close.... DM I was with the TIttusville Carnies.

Ouch! Don't know who is worse.

 

[movingviolation]

.... Well this is the guy who after I split a jug clear in half (the head literally came off the rest of the cylinder) comes up to me and says "well can you do just one more ride with it? I've got a guy waiting"

amazing..... I've got lots of fun storys about MTX issues and whatnot, but the sad part is that just about every other T6 operator has the same issues.

I guess that's the price you have to pay for the "greatest job in the world"

 

[Texan Driver]

.... Well this is the guy who after I split a jug clear in half (the head literally came off the rest of the cylinder) comes up to me and says "well can you do just one more ride with it? I've got a guy waiting"

amazing..... I've got lots of fun storys about MTX issues and whatnot, but the sad part is that just about every other T6 operator has the same issues.

I guess that's the price you have to pay for the "greatest job in the world"

What a moron...but I never did hear anything good about that dude.
Where I worked was ok. Never had any issues like that while dealing blown oil coolers and rocker arm covers. The worst MX issue I ever had to deal with was when the RCR wasn't doing what it was supposed to do and had to run off the battery all day. When it died (usually got me thru most of the day), the mech put the trickle charger on and I went home. Then I took a dump (trying to keep it sorta on topic).

 

[movingviolation]

He actually got in an aruement with me that 100hr inspections were only recomendations, or that you could fly our plane IFR by hanging your headset in front of you and seeing which way it leans, I finally quit when I got in trouble for not flying through the mountians to our stop in Ga. through what was left of the first hurricane that hit FL. Call me crazy, but it's IFR down to 200ft in mountians.... and I don't even have a turn cordinator..... I guess I'm just a **CENSORED****CENSORED****CENSORED****CENSORED****CENSORED** for not doing it.

The FSDO needs to go in there and clean house. It wouldn't be hard, about 5min in the MTX logs and that would be all she wrote. He's got 2 mechanics doing his 100hr's and whatnot. You'd be amazed how through a $200 annual can be.... I'd like to find a place I could fly the SNJ a few days a month, I really loved that plane. But def. not for that guy.

Oh yeah, and dosn't sitting on a chute all day pulling G's make your ass sore? (still on subject)

heh

Which plane did you fly? I saw Texan 3 in your sig, and I know who owns the other one as well (not to mention names).

 

[belchfire]

Not so much in freighters, there are stories
of two Jball CA's that $hitted themselves.
One TSA and one at crapex...I mean
corpex...I don't know what in the heck is
wrong with the food at KSTL...I could
probably do the burrito thing but there are
a few less than pleasant dining experiences
in Lambert that have left me wondering if I
was going to make it the rest of the way...

 

[Texan Driver]

He actually got in an aruement with me that 100hr inspections were only recomendations, or that you could fly our plane IFR by hanging your headset in front of you and seeing which way it leans, I finally quit when I got in trouble for not flying through the mountians to our stop in Ga. through what was left of the first hurricane that hit FL. Call me crazy, but it's IFR down to 200ft in mountians.... and I don't even have a turn cordinator..... I guess I'm just a **CENSORED****CENSORED****CENSORED****CENSORED****CENSORED** for not doing it.

Oh yeah, and dosn't sitting on a chute all day pulling G's make your ass sore? (still on subject)

heh

Which plane did you fly? I saw Texan 3 in your sig, and I know who owns the other one as well (not to mention names).

Yea...sitting in that chute did hurt come sunset. What hurt worse was the tendonitis that developed in my ankle from standing on the wing giving the bailout brief a billions times a day.

I mostly flew T3 during my two years there. The pic that you see was taken on my very last flight. It was a nice 3-ship and my ride didn't want to touch the controls (I asked her several times...her loss). I still haven't touched the controls of one since then.

Is EF still at Titusville?

 

[Vik]

We're getting off track here folks .. more poop stories

 

[rajflyboy]

You could always pull a Tony Stewart >> and Crap in your Pants

 

[727gm]

Half a piss before you leave is better than a piss-and-a-half when you get there.

 

[movingviolation]

Yea...sitting in that chute did hurt come sunset. What hurt worse was the tendonitis that developed in my ankle from standing on the wing giving the bailout brief a billions times a day.

I mostly flew T3 during my two years there. The pic that you see was taken on my very last flight. It was a nice 3-ship and my ride didn't want to touch the controls (I asked her several times...her loss). I still haven't touched the controls of one since then.

Is EF still at Titusville?

He went to work for pretty boy at Stallion, then quit that about 3 months ago and started flying a Citation out of Leesburg.

Speaking of piss.... more than once he's wet his pants driving home drunk in his truck......

Towards the end, when I didn't care anymore I used to give a breif that looked somthing like this

"If you happen to hear a burst of profanity on the intercom. followed by a rush of wind, and then silence, that means I bailed out, you are now free to fly the airplane untill the flight terminates, or you may follow suit... now just so you know, the guy we got these chutes from off Ebay said they were really good, so don't worry. We havn't killed anybody in almost 2 weeks now"

Did you ever go up to OQU with them? I loved it up there.....

 

[Texan Driver]

He went to work for pretty boy at Stallion, then quit that about 3 months ago and started flying a Citation out of Leesburg.

Speaking of piss.... more than once he's wet his pants driving home drunk in his truck......

Towards the end, when I didn't care anymore I used to give a breif that looked somthing like this

"If you happen to hear a burst of profanity on the intercom. followed by a rush of wind, and then silence, that means I bailed out, you are now free to fly the airplane untill the flight terminates, or you may follow suit... now just so you know, the guy we got these chutes from off Ebay said they were really good, so don't worry. We havn't killed anybody in almost 2 weeks now"

Did you ever go up to OQU with them? I loved it up there.....

I heard he went to work for Stallion. I also heard the brothers told pretty boy that if EF ever touched the controls of the Mustang that they would never work on it again. Dunno how serious they were, but I can see that. Ha...I love it.
We have stories about him...

Great brief. I never got that creative.
Also never made it up to OQU...everytime they went on the road, I stayed in FL..which my wife appreciated. Summer of 04 they called me out of the blue to ask if I wanted to fly the summer road show. I had to turn it down because of my present job. Too bad...I would love to fly one again. But, we may be heading back to FL by years end...so who knows.

 

[movingviolation]

If you ever make it back down here let me know, I'm in GNV now but make it down that way quite a bit. Have to go to the Fox and have a few.

I've got some pictures of Texan 1 and 4 that would make you cry (from after the hurricane). Ranger lost their big new hanger, and the one that Sunstate used to be in. Marathon south was destroyed. You really couldn't tell much of a difference on the Riley ramp.... I think the storm actually cleaned the place up a little

 

[Texan Driver]

This didn't happen in an airplane, but was work related so close enough.

In December we had the company X-mas dinner. My wife and I show up at the appointed time, hang out and wait for everyone else to show up.
Sit down and order. I had some pork chop thing and can't remember what anyone else had because...well who cares. This is my story.
The restaurant is pretty upscale..which equates to very rich food. Under normal circumstances, this will do a number on me in about 30 minutes.
After the meal the countdown began. I was checking my watch to make sure I could eat dessert and make a timely escape. After dessert, nothing...nada,..zippo. No pain in my gut, no building of pressure.
Yay for me, I think. So I hang around and chit chat and etc...

Fast forward to about 90 minutes later and we are walking to the car. I felt a slight tremor in the Force and knew it was on the way. I figured I had about 30 minutes at best and since I had a 20 minute drive home, that gave me a 10 minute reserve before the laying of cable commenced.

So, I am driving home and BAM! It hits. The wave of pressure on the O-ring, the cold sweats...I even feel slightly sick to my stomach. Great. I press on the acclerator to go faster and hope that the Highway Patrol is somewhere else.

About 7 minutes out it is unbearable. I decided to grant a waiver to my hard fast rule of not going at a gas station, but alas the nearest one at this point is across the street from where I live.
My wife asks, "Are you ok?". In a low gutteral tone I reply, "No, I gotta go!". She pats me on the knee and in a demonic sort of voice I go, "Don't touch me!"

At this point, I am contemplating the relief I would feel if I just let it go. Good ol' Trouser Chili. I can't believe I even had those thoughts, but I have never felt this much pain and pressure before in my life. But then I think of the smell I would have to endure in the coming months. I am a freight dog, so by default my car is a POS, but I still have to drive in it.

We get to the complex where I live..and of course it is gated. The stupid remote gate opener is having fits and didn't want to work until I was stopped at the gate...it finally opens and I pull into my parking space. Now remember I said my car is a POS. That, of course, means it will not open from the inside. I roll down my window, reach out and unlatch the door...my wife says, "Don't worry about locking up the car, just go!" Well...old habits die hard and I take the time to get my side locked up.

I do the fast walk of a man with a doomed butt whimpering like a beat up schoolboy. Up the stairs I go praying that I don't do something stupid like drop my keys. I get the key into the door and run into the bathroom...I didn't even have time to pick up a book off the library shelf (the floor). I then proceed to unleash an explosion that would make Robert Oppenheimer proud. Alice may have painted the roses red, but I painted the bowl brown....and green...and some other unidentifiable colors. It was like some groovy 70's coffee coming out of a pressure cooker.

I can feel a 2nd, but smaller wave approaching, so I sit there, relax a little and pick up a book (Sin Killer) and wait for it.

30 minutes later, I emerge from a cloud of greenish-yellow haze to my wife laughing...then gagging on the smell, but feeling much much better.

 

[Texan Driver]

If you ever make it back down here let me know, I'm in GNV now but make it down that way quite a bit. Have to go to the Fox and have a few.

I've got some pictures of Texan 1 and 4 that would make you cry (from after the hurricane). Ranger lost their big new hanger, and the one that Sunstate used to be in. Marathon south was destroyed. You really couldn't tell much of a difference on the Riley ramp.... I think the storm actually cleaned the place up a little

I miss the Fox. They had good Scotch Eggs and Toasties.
I saw some pics that were taken after the hurricane. I almost cried. I went thru there about a year ago when I was ferrying a Pitts to New York and saw T4 up close for the 1st time.

I almost came out there this week, but plans changed.

I hear ya about Riley...Everytime I walked thru the gates, the theme from Sanford and Son went thru my head. Is it true that he is closing shop?

When I am out there, I'll look ya up and 1st round is one me. We can swap EF stories.