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Comebacks to passengers "Hope you haven't been drinking" or something to that effect

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flythere said:
My response,

NO Sir/Ma'am I have not been drinking, but since you've made the accusation or assumption, Myself and my FO will be leaving the aircraft at this time to have a blood alcohol test performed by law enforcement!!! I would make sure I say it loud enough for the rest of the pax to hear, why the flight will be delayed!!

During these times when you have rent a cops and bag screeners sniffing around you trying to smell your breath, I won't take any chances!! I have nothing to hide, and would demand a breath test to prove my innocence. It may deter some big mouth from spouting off next time!! Now, if they really do smell something and have a valid concern, that's one thing, but some loud mouth obnoxious idiot just trying to be funny is totally different!!!

My .2%
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Right or wrong, I've had it happen to me and we did that exact thing. The result, got pay protected for the trip, got an extra 1/2 hour of pay for drug testing, and that day they were opening the new hanger, so I had a free lunch too. Got to love it when a plan comes together. Oh yeah, we both tested negative.
 
No not drinking sir, but I wish I hadn't taken all that cough medicine this morning.
 
JB Bus Drvr said:
Right or wrong, I've had it happen to me and we did that exact thing. The result, got pay protected for the trip, got an extra 1/2 hour of pay for drug testing, and that day they were opening the new hanger, so I had a free lunch too. Got to love it when a plan comes together. Oh yeah, we both tested negative.
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I was wondering where my profitsharing went.

;)
 
This is something that I would not laugh at.

I would escort the passenger off the airplane and have a personal one-on-one talk with him/her. I would ask, "sir/ma'm were you joking or serious?" If this passenger said that they were just joking, I would advise them that further behavior like that, and they will be removed from the airplane. If they are serious, I would call both the company and local law enforcement - the flight would have to be delayed.
 
seahorse said:
This is something that I would not laugh at.

I would escort the passenger off the airplane and have a personal one-on-one talk with him/her. I would ask, "sir/ma'm were you joking or serious?" If this passenger said that they were just joking, I would advise them that further behavior like that, and they will be removed from the airplane. If they are serious, I would call both the company and local law enforcement - the flight would have to be delayed.
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Seahorse,

A good one but be sure to make a PA to the passengers explaining the reason for their delay is the passenger joking about you drinking.....
 
"Have you been drinking?"


(shouting loud enough for everyone to hear)......" Did You say you have a bomb!! ",
 
A Northwest pilot walked off his trip then demanded and recieved an alcohol test because of this same accusation sometime back. Any one remember that incident?
 
"Have you been drinking?"

  • No. Are you still beating your wife?
  • No, but I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night.
  • Yes. I am well hydrated, thanks for asking.
  • Yes, and sorry, there's none left for you. -or- Don't worry, I didn't take yours.
  • No, I'm too high dude.
  • No, it affects my narcolepsy.
  • No drinky, burp
  • No, but stupid questions make me violent.
  • No, but after seeing your wife, I need to vomit.
 
I'm not half as think as you drunk I am, ociffer.
 
No, my doc says booze reacts with two of the four anti-depressants I'm on.

No, I quit drinkin after my third suicide attempt last month. I just wish it was making a difference.

In your best Homer voice..... M'mmmmmmmmmmmm Beeeeeeeeeeeeer
 
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100LL... Again! said:
"Drinking? Nope. Just jerkin' off. The FAA permits that up to 5 minutes to pushback. Magazine?"
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You almost made me snort my wine through my nose. That's what I get for drinking while on FLightInfo.
 
I just swig the last gulp out of my mich. Ultra bottle, break in on the throttle quadrant and wield it like a weapon from the neck. I then shout, "WANNA SAY THAT TO MY FACE AS*HOLE??!!!!!!!!!!!!" Then do a fake pass out on the floor. It's very effective.
 
BlueCanoe said:
Pax: "You been drinkin'?"

Me: "You're too dumb to find 7D, and you worry about me?"
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Annnnnndddd another wasted sip of booze. Between this and the visiting hotness walking around the condo in what appears to be the tiniest bikini ever made, life's been good today.
 
Way back when the first NW crew made the headlines we were sitting at the gate about ready to go. This guy stops at the door and gives the old "have you been drinking " and just as quick I turn around with a deadpan look and say "no, any fool knows you don't mix drugs and alcohol". He had this blank look on his face for a couple of seconds and then went and took his seat. Priceless.
 
This guy stops at the door and gives the old "have you been drinking " and just as quick I turn around with a deadpan look and say "AWWWWWW YYYEEEAAAAAHHHHHHH BBBOOOOYYYYYYEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!". I ain't thinkin he be diggin dat
 
I haven't got the drinking question yet but flying to small cities on the 1900, we get all kinds of small plane jokes. I usually tell them something like:

We'll get a bigger airplane when your town grows up.
 
pax: "you been drinking?"
Me: "you need to be a lot more concerned with the 300 hour pilot in the right seat than me being drunk"
 
No, but I just popped a viagra, so I have an erection that wont quit! Come on in and look at the cockpit--and close the door.
 
I was sitting at a gate waiting for to deadhead. In walk the pilots and the two guys in front of me laugh and one says to the other "I saw these guys in the bar this morning having a few drinks." As the guy finishes his statement he sees me in uniform giving him the look of death. So I lean over to him and his buddy and explain to him that he should never say stuff like that, then I told him if I had heard him saying that about me I would call the police, have myself tested, then since the test was negative I would have him arrested then sue the crap out of him so I would never have to work again. He almost cried.
 

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