Comebacks to passengers "Hope you haven't been drinking" or something to that effect

[brainhurts]

I ask them if they would like to smell my breath. (which, I assure you smells like the southwest omlet I just polished off)

 

[Fins Up]

How about, "Not yet. I like to be leveled off at cruise altitude before I crack one open."

 

[Gorilla]

My response,

NO Sir/Ma'am I have not been drinking, but since you've made the accusation or assumption, Myself and my FO will be leaving the aircraft at this time to have a blood alcohol test performed by law enforcement!!! I would make sure I say it loud enough for the rest of the pax to hear, why the flight will be delayed!!

There was an AA crew that did just that. Management and the Union backed them. The flight left something like 4 hours late. Apparently it went beyond the casual question, though, more like an accusation.

 

[Oh-ryan]

You buying?

 

[BRA]

"No!, do you have a bomb?"

 

[HalinTexas]

Naw, I took a 60% paycut last year, so you could pay $79 for your ticket. Can't afford it, you buyin?

 

[Tejas-Jet]

Doesn't mix well with my heart medication.

Tejas

 

[CA1900]

No, sir. Not since "the incident" last month. Why do you think they're making me fly the small one now?

 

[FN FAL]

OK folks, what have you guys used in response to this type of question, serious and humorous please.

Web hand across the esophagus, followed with, "Hey, speaking of airways and drinking, you think a Bic pen like this one is real effective for emergency tracheotomies?"

 

[mannyaplus11]

OK folks, what have you guys used in response to this type of question, serious and humorous please.

Sure hope you don't have any box cutters!!!