Cockpit Etiquette

[CA1900]

If I have to release, I do it slowly to test the strength of the odor. If it doesn't smell . . . I'm ripping them the rest of the day!!

Here's what George Carlin has to say on the matter:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RMX8L7Yxyfk


:laugh:

 

[siucavflight]

Dorks.

 

[Freight Dog]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jKI_xsfvEi0

 

[Rez O. Lewshun]

So what's the cockpit etiquette on farting?

Do you just let them rip and open the gaspers to full blast in hopes he/she doesn't smell it?

Do you give a "heads up" announcement as a courtesy before you fart?

Do the rules change if you're flying with a woman instead of a man?

Are you more likely to try your hardest to hold it in if you're flying with a woman?

This is something that every pilot has to deal with at some point.... especially if they are in this job for the long haul....

and thus.... each pilot... must deal with it in his own way.....

 

[Rez O. Lewshun]

Not in my experience.

What does that tell you?

 

[DX Rick]

This is why we make poverty wages.

Thats right. When you make it to FedEx or UPS, your farting ability diminishes.

 

[JettBoii]

How about best name for passing gas?

 

[Rez O. Lewshun]

How about best name for passing gas?

this is aviation:

agent orange

or


cropdusting...

 

[airplane wizard]

Some are so pneumatic intensive, they're powerful enough to spin the compressor!

good to know if the apu/air cart are broken

 

[Tarzan]

Step 1: Adjust gasper outlet so that the airflow points directly toward the nose of the unsuspecting crew member.

Step 2: Wait. Patience is a virtue here. Allow the pressure to build and the aroma to mature, much like a fine champagne. Allowing time for additional putrification will pay off.

Step 3: Move seat back a few clicks. You will need the wiggle room when assuming the "positive pressure release position."

Step 4: The "positive pressure release position." Now lift one glut off of the seat approximately one inch in the direction of the gasper in step one. Lift the knee on the same side as if you are stretching a hamstring.

Step 5: Release the gasous burrito slowly. A slow release is preferable because it enhances the period of the noxious waves soon to be headed toward the target crew members olifactory sensors. If done correctly, this will result in the much sought after "secondary" and "tertiary gag reflex" from the target crew member.

Step 6: Enjoy the reaction. Be sure to note the exquisite nose wrinkling and eye watering evident in the victim. Next you will note an especially satisfying darting of the eyes as the evolutionary, low brain "flight" instinct takes over. If the target begins scratching at the windows in an attempt to escape, consider the maneuver performed to perfection.

Step 7: Laugh. Clean yourself up as necessary and prepare for a certian counter attack from the offended crew member.

I'd vote for best post thus far. If I had any points to give, they would be given here. May God have mercy on your fellow crew members.

I like to state during the departure briefing... "You fart, game on." That usually comes after the single engine procedure.

 

[7574EVER]

Dorks.

Dorks? Didn't you start a thread the first time you shat youself? HAHA just yankin ya man!

 

[7574EVER]

Yanking your chain I mean.......:erm:

 

[CA1900]

Not that there's anything wrong with that...


:laugh:

 

[big shacks]

Fart tennis, I'm Sampras

 

[TheRaven]

Not in my experience.

Any woman who can converse about gastrointestinal relief is a keeper.

 

[Amish RakeFight]

Any woman who can converse about gastrointestinal relief is a keeper.

Whatever get's you off...

If she's can turn flatulence into shop talk, I'm not sure I'd wanna to keep'er!

 

[Gulf-front]

The FO better say "Thank you sir, may I have another!"

 

[NoahWerka]

Dorks? Didn't you start a thread the first time you shat youself? HAHA just yankin ya man!

Some of you may remember this thread. It was hilarious.
Diarreah in a freighter

 

[EatSleepFly]

There he sits, broken hearted
Came to $h!t but only farted
Later on he took a chance,
Tried to fart and $h!t his pants!


Don't let it happen to you! imp:


P.S.- What up Robair!

 

[on autopilot]

Not in my experience.

So do you let em rip when you fly with the guys? If you do, when is your next trip? Female flatulence has always intrigued me...............