Cockpit Etiquette

[robair73]

So what's the cockpit etiquette on farting?

Do you just let them rip and open the gaspers to full blast in hopes he/she doesn't smell it?

Do you give a "heads up" announcement as a courtesy before you fart?

Do the rules change if you're flying with a woman instead of a man?

Are you more likely to try your hardest to hold it in if you're flying with a woman?

 

[SiuDude]

Per general order 38439.3c it's strictly a "don't ask don't tell" policy.

 

[JediNein]

Immediately look to the other crew member and gasp, "was that you???" in an accusatory tone as you grab the O2 mask.

Knowledge of your systems will pay off in dividends here. How quickly can you route the smell either to the other side of the cockpit, or towards the unsuspecting passengers? If there are no passengers, is the olfactory onslaught worth depressurizing or just a slight tweak in cabin altitude? Will 100% do, or is emergency O2 needed?

Important questions for a gender neutral and smelly problem.

 

[laserman2431]

How about int the CRJ when the flight attendant thinks he/she is only fumigating the galley area but does not realize the air flows forward under and around the door?

 

[Whataburger]

Hold it until you get a jumpseater.

 

[makersmarc]

Depends on the variety of gaseous emission. Most 'normal' farts don't stink that bad, so "Don't ask, don't tell" is applicable.

However, there are some farts that are so foul that they may induce gagging and possible unconsciousness. In this case it may be appropriate to give a subtle hint that you are about to evacuate an ornstein. My favorite is to casually reach over and don my O2 mask.

My experience is that female pilots suffer the same as male pilots the effects of eating at the Blue Burrito. I treat them the same as my male colleagues.

Fart on, bro.

 

[CA1900]

These are available at most uniform shops now:

http://www.gasbgon.com/


:laugh:

 

[Propsync]

For the guys- I always liked playing the game 'Guess what I had to eat last night'.

For the ladies- Apologies and deft use of the forward outflow valve.

 

[LowlyPropCapt]

Step 1: Adjust gasper outlet so that the airflow points directly toward the nose of the unsuspecting crew member.

Step 2: Wait. Patience is a virtue here. Allow the pressure to build and the aroma to mature, much like a fine champagne. Allowing time for additional putrification will pay off.

Step 3: Move seat back a few clicks. You will need the wiggle room when assuming the "positive pressure release position."

Step 4: The "positive pressure release position." Now lift one glut off of the seat approximately one inch in the direction of the gasper in step one. Lift the knee on the same side as if you are stretching a hamstring.

Step 5: Release the gasous burrito slowly. A slow release is preferable because it enhances the period of the noxious waves soon to be headed toward the target crew members olifactory sensors. If done correctly, this will result in the much sought after "secondary" and "tertiary gag reflex" from the target crew member.

Step 6: Enjoy the reaction. Be sure to note the exquisite nose wrinkling and eye watering evident in the victim. Next you will note an especially satisfying darting of the eyes as the evolutionary, low brain "flight" instinct takes over. If the target begins scratching at the windows in an attempt to escape, consider the maneuver performed to perfection.

Step 7: Laugh. Clean yourself up as necessary and prepare for a certian counter attack from the offended crew member.

 

[Erlanger]

Per general order 38439.3c it's strictly a "don't ask don't tell" policy.

It's actually the "Don't gas, don't smell" policy.

 

[Goose Egg]

The policy is "don't." I've really surprised myself with how long I can hold it, and the duration of the 'release' once I get to the hotel room.

But if you've got to let one rip, I've found it's always good to blame it on the lav.

-Goose

 

[SEVEN]

This thread stinks.

 

[A-V-8]

When you need to depressurize open the gasper to full blast. A minute later say Ugh what is that smell and stick your nose near the gasper. Your unsuspecting crew member will say I don’t smell anything and you laugh and say you farted didn’t you. They will say no I don’t even smell it. You say well O.K. if that is the way we are playing this hand O.K. wink wink. Then back to reading USA today and b!+ch!nG about the industry. A few minutes later you repeat the above process and say I can’t believe you can’t smell that. Your unsuspecting crew member is now fully primed for the discharge. Let err rip. When the smell hits your nose again say a third and final time ugh I can’t believe you can’t smell that. They will say O I smell it this time and never suspect that it came out of you.

Happy Farting!

 

[flyboyzz1]

if you tear open a hand wipe and put it up to the gasper vent it works great.

 

[CX880]

This is why we make poverty wages.

 

[Oh-ryan]

Just cut to the chase. No need to be ashamed. My technique- extend index finger and ask the other pilot to pull.

Sit back and enjoy.

 

[Amish RakeFight]

Some are so pneumatic intensive, they're powerful enough to spin the compressor!

 

[BOX OFFICE]

Are you more likely to try your hardest to hold it in if you're flying with a woman?

Not in my experience.

 

[Midnight Flyer]

It's much easier to deny, or pass the blame onto one of the other pilots, if you're lucky enough to still be flying an airplane with an engineer.

 

[robair73]

Not in my experience.

So you've been blasted plenty of times?

For some reason I always tend to hold it more when I fly with women. If I have to release, I do it slowly to test the strength of the odor. If it doesn't smell . . . I'm ripping them the rest of the day!!