Best Wise guy radio call?

[ILStoMinimums]

If there are any more out there, continue guys! Lots of these are great!

 

[U-I pilot]

Approach: How will this approach terminate?
Student: In a blazing hole....

 

[Twotter76]

At ORD last week as we were clearing the active

Ground: "United xxx follow the blue and gray regional....oh wait a minute, Air Shuttle xxx what are you guys doing!!!???"

United xxx: "Amazing how those little airplanes mess up a big airport"

Unknown: "Amazing that your little mind can pilot that big airplane"

 

[belchfire]

"...oh disregard, I see you have
already ejected"

lmfao!!!

 

[Smoked Toilet]

In denver on sunday, a Delta 757 was taxiing extremely slow across the north end of the B/C concourse ramp. There was my RJ and one other waiting impatiently for the dam thing to get across since we were instructed to give way. The ramp controller noticed how slow the 757 was moving and said "Sorry guys, if I new they were so unhappy about their pay cut, I would have put you 2 in front of him."

Good stuff.

 

[ILStoMinimums]

This one isn't an ATC joke but up in Alaska, in the bush, a pilot had some worn DC's and his gel ear seal got punctured some how. On the hot day it must have been, the gel was slowly leaking down his neck. Well, a native PAX in the back said: Sir, your brain is leaking out your ear.

I don't know his response, but must have been something like: No worries, I'll get you to your village!
Anyways, I thought that was funny!

 

[moscowcfi]

bump..

 

[difete]

Typical SOCAL Calls

Where I fly here in SOCAL, we all know the typical calls in the morning radio:

Controller:
Skywest XXX... good job!!
Eagle Flight XXX... Keep up your speed please
Southwest XXX .... Slow down sir
United XXX .... I have no time to argue with you mam
Korean Air XXX ... Unreadable sir, try again!!
Aeromexico XXX ... Where are you going????

Also:

There was a weekend warrior once who the controller ask him why in the world was he squacking 3500? The GA pilot replied with a heavy accent saying: "well mam, you told me to squack my altitude"

 

[RJP]

Center: "AeroMexico, can you make the crossing restriction at xxx?"
AeroMex: (thick accent) "Sometimes we can. Sometimes we can't."


Controller: "UA xxx, I need you to cross xxx at 8000'"
UA: "That's gonna be tight, we may not make it"
Controller: "I thought you had spoilers on those things"
UA: "Yeah, we do, but they're for MY mistakes, not yours"

 

[Lars!]

Flying over Reno one morning, heard the following exchange with a FedEx heavy climbing out of the Bay area.

Controller(female): "FedEx 705, cleared direct Lovelock, direct Crazy Woman"

FedEx 705: "Roger, direct Lovelock, direct Crazy Woman...hey, those two kinda go together, don't they?"

Controller(female): "Oooh yes!"

 

[srjorion]

Heard this one going into TLH this morning. The controller was working with a jump plane getting ready to drop off some jumpers. In referring to the jumpers the controller said, "Oh you just don't know how bad I want to call them dirt darts."

 

[NEDude]

The other day in CLE.

(Names have been changed to protect the innocent, guilty, and innocent bystanders).

Flight 1234: (In VERY angry tone) "Ops, we're still waiting for catering and now it's time to push, you guys gonna get your act together and get someone out here?!"

OPS: "Ummm, who is this?"

Flight 1234: "Cleveland!"

OPS: "I mean where are you going?"

Flight 1234: "CLEVELAND!"

Few moments of silence....

OPS: (very dry, calm voice) "You are in Cleveland, where are you going to?"

Flight 1234: "Oh, ummmm...... CHICAGO!"

Few more moments of silence....

OPS: "O'Hare or Midway?"

Few more minutes of silence....

Flight 1234: (very subdued and tail between legs now) "Oh, sorry, we're going to Midway."

OPS: "Very good, now that we have that figured out we can get somewhere."

 

[Loafman]

(In best Andrew Dice Clay voice)

Yo. Clevey' Centa'. It's Jetlink 3-5-3 Keepin' it real at Two-Five-oh.

 

[PBE]

Cruising down from PWM to IAD, on BOS center, we overhear this exchange about a year ago.

BOS: Dragonair XXX, cleared direct LOLLY.

Dragonair (thick chinese accent): Rogah, queer direk RAR-REE

BOS: No sir, not Raleigh, LOLLY.

Dragonair: Rogah, RAR-REE

(same calls back & forth twice more)

BOS: Aww the hell with it, contact New York center on ...

 

[145EXR]

in iah about 3 yrs ago....


atc:continental xxx..your traffic is a company atr at about 1 oclock, 2 miles
cal: (sarcastic voice)continental dosent have atrs
coex: express dosent have scabs