Quotes
Air Traffic Quotes
In his book, Sled Driver, SR-71 Blackbird pilot Brian Shul writes: "I'll
always remember a certain radio exchange that occurred one day as Walt
(my back-seater) and I were screaming across Southern California 13
miles high. We were monitoring various radio
transmissions from other aircraft as we entered Los Angeles
airspace. Though they didn't really control us, they did monitor our
movement across their scope. I heard a Cessna ask for a readout of its
ground speed."
"90 knots" Center replied.
"Moments later, a Twin Beech required the same."
"120 knots," Center answered.
We weren't the only ones proud of our ground speed that day as
almost instantly an F-18 smugly transmitted, 'Ah, Center, Dusty 52
requests ground speed readout.'
There was a slight pause, then the response, "525 knots on the
ground, Dusty."
"Another silent pause. As I was thinking to myself how ripe a
situation this was, I heard a familiar click of a radio
transmission coming from my back-seater. It was at that precise moment
I realized Walt and I had become a real crew, for we were both thinking
in unison." "Center, Aspen 20, you got a ground speed readout for us?"
There was a longer than normal pause ... "Aspen, I show 1,742
knots" No further inquiries were heard on that frequency.
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In another famous SR-71 story, Los Angeles Center reported
receiving a request for clearance to FL 60 (60,000ft). The
incredulous controller, with some disdain in his voice, asked, "How do
you plan to get up to 60,000 feet? The pilot (obviously a sled
driver), responded, "We don't plan to go up to it, we plan to go down
to it." He was cleared.
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The pilot was sitting in his seat and pulled out a .38 revolver. He
placed it on top of the instrument panel, and then asked the
navigator, "Do you know what I use this for?"
The navigator replied timidly, "No, what's it for?"
The pilot responded, "I use this on navigators who get me lost!" The
navigator proceeded to pull out a 45 and place it on his chart table.
The pilot asked, "What's that for?"
"To be honest sir," the navigator replied, "I'll know we're lost before
you will."
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More tower chatter:
Tower: "Delta 351, you have traffic at 10 o'clock, 6 miles!" Delta 351:
"Give us another hint! We have digital watches!"
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One day the pilot of a Cherokee 180 was told by the tower to hold short
of the runway while a MD80 landed. The MD80 landed, rolled out, turned
around, and taxied back past the Cherokee. Some
quick-witted comedian in the MD80 crew got on the radio and said, "What
a cute little plane. Did you make it all by yourself?"
Our hero the Cherokee pilot, not about to let the insult go by, came
back with: "I made it out of MD80 parts. Another landing like that and
I'll have enough parts for another one."
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There's a story about the military pilot calling for a priority landing
because his single-engine jet fighter was running "a bit peaked." Air
Traffic Control told the fighter jock that he was number two behind a
B-52 that had one engine shut down. "Ah," the pilot
remarked, "the dreaded seven-engine approach."
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A student became lost during a solo cross-country flight. While
attempting to locate the aircraft on radar, ATC asked, "What was your
last known position?" Student: "When I was number one for
takeoff."
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Taxiing down the tarmac, the 757 abruptly stopped, turned around and
returned to the gate. After an hour-long wait, it finally took off.
A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, "What was the
problem?" "The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine,"
explained the flight attendant," and it took us a while to find a new
pilot."
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"Flight 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 degrees."
"But Center, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up
here?" "Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a
727?"
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When you're on "reserve" with an airline, you fly when they tell you to fly.
Being unable to be contacted is a lesser offense than refusing or missing
an assigned trip. This captain gets an "A" for his creativity in avoiding an
assignment. When crew scheduling woke him up at 3 A.M. to assign him
to a 5 A.M. departure, he passed the phone to his wife and said in a voice
loud enough for them to hear on the other end, "Here, darling, I think it's
someone calling for your husband."
