Best Wise guy radio call?

[atldc9]

I was taxiing out of MCO, down to 35L. It is a long taxi, with 2 parrallel taxiways.

A Delta MD-11 on the inner, a Comair RJ on the outer and us.

My FO with out missing a beat blasts this one on them, had the whole frequency dying.

GROUND: Citrus, the sequence is the rj, the md11 then you guys. See ya.

FO: Roger, Delta's future, Delta's past then us, See Ya.

 

[TIS]

One more

Heard after departure from Fresno, CA (FAT), where there's a Nat'l Guard base with F-16s
Fresno Approach: "Sundance 644, traffic twelve o'clock and 10 miles, an F-16 descending out of one-four thousand."

Sundance 644: "Roger, looking, Sundance 644."

Fresno Approach: "Shooter two-three, traffic is a Jetstream just departing Fresno, twleve o'clock and 10 miles, climbing out of eight thousand."

Shooter is on UHF so reply is not audible.

Fresno Approach: "Roger shooter two-three. Break. Sundance 644 you can disregard the traffic HE has you on radar.

 

[belchfire]

STL on a dark and stormy night
before the rape, pillage and burn
routien by the guys in the silver
airplanes...

"Transworld XXX heavy, I told you
to follow the MD-80, not the 717."

NY accent "Wattsa matter, can't youse
tell a 717 from a MD-80?"

"Ah, maybe not...but I can tell a good
tower from a bad tower."

Silence

 

[FlyingDawg]

In descent to CMH.

CHQ: Good evening center, Chautauqua 6467 checking in at FL240.
Indy: Roger 6469. (Female controller)
CHQ: Thats 6467 at FL240.
Indy: Roger 6467.

Indy: Chautauqua 6469 cross NIKLS at 11,000 alt 2993.
CHQ: Was that for CHQ 6467 to cross NIKLS at 11000?
INDY: Roger 6467.
CHQ: Cross NIKLS at 11000, 6467.

INDY: CHQ 6469 contact CMH approach on 119.15.
CHQ: Is that for 6467?
INDY: I'm sorry 6467, contact approach on 119.15
CHQ: I think you must have that 69 thing on your mind?
Indy: (Female controller laughing now) Yea, I guess your right, you guys have a good night.
CHQ: I just hope its half as good as yours, good night.

 

[DCMartin]

I heard this one from a friend a few weeks ago. It occured at IAD shortly after the first few 777's came out.

Controller: Unitedxxx follow the DC-10 passing from right to left. Taxi to 1R.

777 United FO (sounded like a younger girl): Roger, we'll follow the litlle guy passing in front of us.

DC-10 (older voice): What a shame, a brand new airplane and there is already a crack up front.

 

[waterski]

MIA TOWER: AA 123 Traffic taking the active you are cleared to land. pleanty of
room for you guys.

couple of seconds went by....

AA 123: Tower AA 123 going around.

MIA TOWER: (on a pissy voice) AA 123 Say reason for go around.

AA 123: CAR PAYMENT....

 

[JetBlast2000]

I heard this one near IND.

IND: ABX 123 contact center on 135.75
ABX: 135.75 ABX 123
ABX: Center ABX 123 12K for FL 210
IND: ABX 123 Try flip'n the switch
ABX: Dohhh!

 

[SkiMoguls]

On approach into DFW the tower controller was issuing taxi instructions to an aircraft on the roll out and the pilot came back with, "Ya we don't want to go nose to nose on the same taxiway with Aero Mexico."

The controller said "that wouldn't be a good idea unless you want the Golden Tow Bar Award!

Someone else asked the controller right away "can you pick the award up yourself or if it was ok to have it delivered to your retirement home!"

 

[Hosed COEX]

Both of these just happened to me yesterday:

(Flying late afternoon on 4th of July)
UNKNOWN AIRCRAFT (wondering why frequency was so quiet): "Center, you still there?"
CLE Center: "Unfortunately, yes"
UNKNOWN AIRCRAFT: "I hear you on that"

Even better:

My captain makes an eloquent passenger announcement that we are going to be maneuvering around some storms and that everyone including the FA should be seated.
CLE Center: "That was very nice - now you should try doing that over the PA"
Numerous comments ensue by several other aircraft on the frequency
CLE Center: "OK - time now is 1923 and 1/4 Zulu - the time that I officially lost control of my frequency"

 

[moscowcfi]

One well-known incident at our Academy involved a Chinese student several years back. The tower had asked him: "What are your intentions?" To which he replied: "To become a commercial pilot."

 

[SharkBait]

Heard this over the radio a few years back as Boeing was going out on a test flight:

PAE clearance: Boeing XXX you're cleared to the Grant County Airport via the Paine 2 depature then as filed. Climb and maintain 10000, Departure freq. 128.5, squak XXXX.

Boeing XXX: Uhhhhh, we don't have the Paine 2 departure, can we just get vectors?

Clnc: L E T M E R E A D I T T O Y O U, FLY RUNWAY HEADING, EXPECT VECTORS...

 

[TIS]

And another one...

Heard on SFO tower...
SFO Tower: "UA 765, you gonna be able to get down from there?"

UA 765: "Sure! Ain't never left one of these things up here yet!"

 

[OPECJet]

A Dash taxiing up to the hold line at CLT the other day was told to follow an Air Shuttle ERJ, to which he replied "we'll follow the jungle jet". The Mesa guys replied with the standard "Props are for boats". Not to be outdone, the Dash guy replied "contracts are for pilots".

 

[User546]

I overheard this on the Approach frequency about a year ago over Phoenix at 3:00am. Pan Am is the call sign for the Pan Am Flight Academy planes based in Phoenix.

Pan Am: Phoenix Approach, Pan Am 29, 12 miles to the north, would like to request the Falcon GPS approach, with information Alpha.

-silence over radio-

Pan Am: (Repeats Previous Callup)

-silence over radio again-

Pan Am: Phoenix Approach, Pan Am 29, can you hear this transmission?

Approach: (Sounding Confused) Pan Am 29, hear you loud and clear, what are you doing out this time of night shooting practice approaches?

Pan Am: I think I p*ssed off one of the schedulers!

 

[SuperPilot]

Heard earlier this year somewhere up in the northeast:

UAL: (male voice) "Hey approach, United xxx, you got any shortcuts tonight?"

App: "United xxx cleared direct BIGGO intersection"

UAL: (female voice now) "Roger, cleared to the Big "O"! United xxx."