CLIPPER & HEAVY,
You should try doing what we young guys are doing on the other side of the field to get rid of the geezers...
Forge their signature on the release and then when they go to sign it, give them a really long and worried look.
Move their flight bag around the bag room.
Ask if they need help going up and down the airplane stairs.
When the geezer captains call for a checklist - tell them they called for it 5 minutes ago and it's complete.
When they go to the crapper - move their glasses.
Reach across the cockpit with a napkin in your hand, tell them you can't stand to see them like this, and pretend that you are wiping drool off of their chin.
Speak really softly in the cockpit and when they say WHAT?? slowly shake your head, lean in closer and speak slowly, slightly louder, and with really big mouth movements.
Point out traffic and sights that aren't really there. Give lots of detail and point repeatedly and when they still don’t see it, repeat the long and worried look again.
Silently roll in a bunch of nose down trim just prior to giving them the controls.
Spread a thin film of butter on their glasses.
Knock on their door at random times on the layover and ask them why they didn’t meet you in the lobby for dinner like they said they would.
You get the idea...