Ladies and Gentlemen, I use those loosely, welcome aboard Atlanta Air. Your copilot today has never flown a real airplane, so she'll be getting some practice with me watching. Hope you enjoy the $29.00 ride. You'll get your money's worth I promise.
As a matter of fact, the mechanic who MEL'd the thrust reverser is a rookie and probably did it wrong. Our dispatcher just graduated from a school in sunny Florida, and has planned for us to takeoff and land on closed runways. Plus, our tug driver can't speak English, but no matter, our headsets don't work anyway. Finally, catering never showed up so there is no ice. I'm on my sixth day having been extended, I just want to get home, but scheduling has been outsourced to Mexico. They didn't have work there so this will take some getting used to.
Good news is Delta has a new CEO, his bonus is 200 million dollars, so the airplane isn't exactly clean today. Volunteer night was canceled due to the big announcement.
Thanks for flying U KNOW WHOOO.