You Just Might Be A FLOPS Pilot If ...

[leardawg]

Here goes trying to start a new thread:

You just might be a FLOPS pilot if:

You don't bother to put the DO NOT DISTURB sign on your hotel room door, because you will be leaving your room long before "Ouse Keeepeeng" gets going.

You have a stack of unused free breakfast coupons.

You haven't pre-flighted an airplane in daylight in a couple of tours.

Anytime 2 or more of you run into each other in a restaurant or hotel lobby, it instantly becomes a rumor discussing/bitching session.

You have an application on file with Southwest and/or Jet Blue.

When people ask "What kind of company is Flight Options?", you tell them "We're like Netjets" and they understand right away.

You have a permanent dark stain on you shirt collar from the leather jackets.

You qualify to register to vote in New Jersey, no matter where you live.

 

[Diesel]

for all fractional pilots

They offer you coupons to the breakfast buffett but you tell them you'll be gone long before they start.

You don't bother setting the alarm because scheduling will wake you in 10hrs

The guy in the next room is banging on the wall because it's 2:30am and your getting up.

Upon checkin they hand you a clipboard and have you sign in. You try to explain to them your not with the airlines

The hotel van doesn't know where the FBO is or there are a bunch of pissed off people in the Van because they had to make a stop at the fbo from the terminal.

The pax ask you where you came from and you just give them a blank stare. That was 2 legs ago.

The hotel van makes you wonder if the guy has a death wish

The cab your in has no floor.

The word ASAP comes up about 4 times a day.

The only part of the country you see is the ride from the fbo to the hotel and back.

You want to kick otis spunkmeyer in the nuts for all the **CENSORED****CENSORED****CENSORED****CENSORED** cookies.

You land min fuel just to make sure you get all the avtrip points and atlantic bucks you can take.

 

[leardawg]

Here's a few more:

You're parked at the furthest corner of the Signature ramp, and are the only one who can't get hangar space (when even the old Freight Dog Lear 24 is inside for the night).

You can find your way blindfolded around any standard hotel room, even to the minutest detail.

Your hotel room key card isn't working, and suddenly you realize you're trying to get into the room number from last night's hotel in a different city.

Your wife asks you where you are, and you have to think about it for a few seconds (Baltimore? No, that was last night.)

You consider K.C. the patron saint of FLOPS pilots, and J.S. the focus of evil in the modern world, responsible even for the federal deficit, the situation in Iraq, as well as for your kids poor grades in school. (Sorry Joe, if you read this, not my opinion, just an observation!).

 

[waka]

No matter where your HVAC vent is in your hotel room, you're adept at using the office chair, floor lamp, ironing board etc, to hang your wet clothes (hand washed uniform shirt, excercise shorts etc. ) in the stream of said vent.

You can display your hotel points/airline miles cards when checking in at a speed which would put Starsky and Hutch's or Garrison's from Hawaii Five-O badge flashing speeds to shame.

You know the intracacies of evey brand of hotel alarm clock and can set the alarm in your sleep at 5000 keystrokes per min...even the relatively complicated Crowne Plaza Sony Dream Machine CD/alarm clock.

You need not refer to the time tables for the NJ transit bus from TEB to Penn Station NYC.

You know which terminals have the best public facilities to take a sh**.

You're adept at finding the hotel employee break room microwave to heat that half frozen 5 lb mystery meal from Rudy's because there are no microwaves in the hotel rooms and the hotel restaurant won't heat them due to liability. Also, while acting as non-flying pilot, you can, without second thought, keep the meals secure with your left hand during the take off roll and climb while making your call-outs, bring the gear up and whatever else you do on climb out with Zen-like ease.

You're as sick of cantaloupe as you are of FBO/Doubletree cookies.

You can pack a steamer trunk load of stuff into the standard 22" carry-on suitcase.

 

[DIAMONDDD]

-You can fit the same amount of bags that an NFL team travels with into the cargo compartment the size of a big-screen TV box.

-You can only equate cities with hotels and places to eat
-You no longer think it's "really neat" to go to ASE, EGE, etc...
-You can file a flight plan and get wx in about .3 seconds on WSI
-You have heard these questions (or asked these questions) more than twelve thousand times at FBO's:
"What equipment you on?"
"Where you out of?"
"You guys hiring?"

-You complain about the catering even though it's free ("Let me guess, one turkey and one ham again.")
-You have awoke in the middle of the night and you SERIOUSLY have no idea where you are. (Also works with crack heads and booze hounds)
-You can't remember where you started this morning (0400) or what day it is but you can recall all of the FBO freq's at TEB.
-You have flown with the same guy for so long (FLOPS) that even the way he chews his gum pi55es you off. (What a booger eatin' MORON)

 

[Hawk Driver]

You can type twice as many words per minute on your Blackberry/Rim pager than you can on a full size keyboard.

HD

 

[Frac Daddy]

You have a stack of unused free breakfast coupons.

QUOTE]

You're really a FLOPS pilot if your CEO considers these unused coupons as a possible replacement for crewmeals.

 

[TailDraggerTed]

This by far is the best thread/topic I have read in a long time. It made me laugh, it made me cry. Wow, I am not the only one...

 

[Diesel]

you can use any remote in any hotel room and know exactly how it works without looking at it.

the same person that checks you in is working the same graveyard shift when you walk out.

you've flown all night and the company has made hotel rooms for you. Too bad it's 8am and checkin is 3pm

you know how to cook a full meal using an iron flipped upside down in a sink.

 

[ProFracPilot]

Your check in routine includes making sure the iron, before putting it on top of your white shirt, hasn't been used by the previous guest to cook his/her meal in the bathroom sink (see previous post)...

You have a made mental (or BB) note of unacceptable rooms at the preferred hotels in every city you routinely visit (rooms 329-336 at the Embassy in TUL, for example)...

The Holiday Inn van driver @ CGF knows you, and automatically takes you to your restaurant of choice for take out on the way to the hotel...

You've JUST missed the shuttle leaving CLE for CGF - again...